I dont know who i am anymore

[Unicorndogge]

Lately i just feel like i am getting dragged along not doing anything useful. The thing is i am pretty much useless, my anxiety is bad i cant even do what most other people can do my age and now i just have no motivation to learn because i know i will stuff it up or not go anywhere with it. I dont have a job, i dont study anymore and now that i am living with my nan its like i feel trapped even though i was in a worse position at home with my dad smoking weed with most of my inheritance money. I don't know what i am good at, liking something is not enough anymore because i know that i will be alone forever.

[Unicorndogge]

These groups dont work already tried them no point trying something that you know wont work.

Jobs wont get me any happiness no one would want to talk to me bacuse i am always either ignored or i am jealous of that person, jist like i am with the russian guy i am going to get rid of him in a minute because i know he doesnt like me his only being nice to me and if i talk to him i like him more and more and then he will hate me more and more. I cant even have a friends online. Maybe he doesn't even like me as a friend, his just nice to everyone i am not any different i am just a piece of junk he is going to get rid of. Thats why he has to stop talking to me before he hates me. I want him as a friend but he doesnt want me

[Unicorndogge]

I am to fat now just on top of all the other problems. Now no one would even want to look at me i have no appeal to me at all. I have lost the only thing, its already bad enough having no friends

[Unicorndogge]

Everyone hates me cant even do simple things. No wonder people leave me, am i just that useless

[Tay100]

Hi Unicorndogge

I'm sorry you were feeling in a tough headspace yesterday- how are things today? Please know you aren't useless. People care, including those in this thread and the wider forum community- people find meaningful online friendships here- we could help you with this, if you like. We are a caring, safe space, and we are here to listen and help you find the best way to address your concerns. Have you found something that has worked for you so far since your first post? Even something small that helps you manage things day-to-day?

Tay100

[Ggrand]

Hello Unicorndogge,

Im sorry I’ve not been around for you lately...Like you I struggle with my mental health and sometimes go down that I am unable to post because I don’t know the right words to say to help support you...

I am sorry you feel the need to push away your penpal...the way I see it..he likes you for who you are and enjoys talking to you..if he didn’t like you..he would have stopped talking to you a long time ago....He sounds like a nice caring person...Please try hard to accept his care for you because you really do deserve it...and he enjoys talking to you as well...

Sending you my care and kind thoughts..dear lovely Unicorn....

Grandy..

[Unicorndogge]

Well everything was going good for few weeks. I made a new friend his name is josh we have been hanging out heaps but he is moving to queensland as soon as the borders open. I dont want him to abandon me then I will be alone again, I can’t be alone again. I still talk to my Russian penpal but it is so nice having a friend in person then his going to go just when things were getting better. We almost had sex the other day, maybe that’s why he isn’t talking as much because I don’t have any experience with this. I am so confused? And I can’t deal with this what is the point of me whenever things get better they end up getting worse and worse each time.

[Tay100]

Hi Unicorndogge

I'm sorry to hear about your friend possibly leaving for QLD once the borders open- maybe you can gain a new penpal along with your friend from Russia? If his being distant after you almost slept together bothers you, try to engage in some positive distractions perhaps, possibly involving (safe) face to face contact with others. This may help with the low mood you are feeling right now in general. For example, things are going up and then down for you- what can you do to take care of yourself in these moments? Even something super small such as recognising a bad feeling of hopelessness approaching, and then phoning a friend and reaching out to them. What might this look for you?

Tay100

[Unicorndogge]

Hey tay

Well its to late i lost my virginity with him yesterday, if my nan finds out she will be so angry with me even though she likes him. I think his a nice guy, his my only friend really so i dont want to lose my only friend that i can hang out with, even though i have my russian friend its just not the same as hanging out with someone. So really he is all i have got it will break me to lose him and doing what i did yesterday was implusive but i kind of dont regret it.

[Tay100]

Hi Unicorndogge

Thanks for updating us. It seems this guy is important to you- I can see why you went all the way with him- and just because sleeping with him was impulsive, doesn't mean you have to regret it. Wanting to spend time with some in real life is a precious thing- is there anyone else you can connect with when he moves? You could even link with your local council to find events or meet people online and then cultivate relationships with them in real life at a local event if you felt comfortable with that. You can of course keep in contact with the guy after he moves to QLD- you can still be connected with him whilst you search for people to hang with in person.

Tay100

[Unicorndogge]

Hey tay

His saying we should distance ourselves now because he thinks i like him more then a friend and because his going away he doesnt want that. I dont understand maybe he doesnt like me at all and is jist playing with my feelings. Maybe he just wanted sex or maybe its because he knows i am not a good friend. No wonder i dont have any friends. Maybe i am asking to much but why give me all this love when you dont even like me?

He is moving on a island and he said he wont have much internet so we can barely talk, what was the point of becoming his friend when it just leads to more pain in the end. This always seems to happen to me, everyone leaves at some point and i think why do i even bother maybe i am meant to be ALONE FOREVER. Why did i let him suck me into this friendship? Why me, why do i deserve this? What have i done wrong?