i dont know how to move on

[SeanOD]

sorry if i put this in the wrong area

hi my name is Sean and i have been well dumped not long ago and i don't think i have been able to move on, it's been 3 months now and well i still love him not as much as i did but its still there 

so here is the story we are still really good friends we still do thing together his dad don't know about his son being bi but he knows im gay and he calls me son he think of me as a son things could not be better right 

i have been on dates afterwards but all i think about when im on them is that i want him to be there when i kiss my dates goodbye all i think about is his lips not theirs maybe there is just something wrong with me 

I don't think of him all the time i just don't think i can feel the same thing for some one else i don't know 

i guess i could just stop seeing him but i only have two friends and he is one of them

sorry about my rant 
i just wish i knew what to do 

[Jacko777]

Hi SeanOD,

Welcome to the Beyond Blue forums. It does take time to move on some times, I guess if this relationship is not to be you can just just keep telling yourself that it's not going to happen and try and stay focused on your new relationships. With time your feelings will reduce, you are not making it easier for yourself by having him as a friend but good friends aren't always easy to come by so I understand you want him in your life. There's nothing wrong with you I don't reckon Sean, strong feelings of love can take a long time to reduce. Try not to be sad that he is not your partner, instead be thankful he is your good friend.

Jack

[geoff]

dear Sean, hi and welcome on board.

When you love someone and then breakup this doesn't mean that the love will suddenly stop, because it won't go away.

Just as I've been divorced for over 10 years but I still love my ex, irrespective of what happens, and there have been many occasions where it could have stopped, and this wouldn't change by having any association of any type of sexual feelings, so you still love him, so you must have strong feeling for him, and in your case it's love.

I really wish I could give you some advice, but what I do know is that when the main staff come back tomorrow (Monday) they will be able to help you much more than I am. Geoff.

[justinok]

Hey Sean, I've been in a similar situation before (several times actually). The only way that I was able to move on was to cut contact. It is very very hard to stay friends with someone you've been with, unless you are parting on mutual terms. You may be able to be friends at a later date, but for the time being, I reckon you need to take a break. 

[romantic_thi3f]

Hi SeonOD,

Thanks for reaching out to BB.

I'm sorry that you are struggling to move on.  I know one thing for sure and that is breakups are hard.  There is absolutely nothing wrong with you.  That's for sure.

My advice would be to find out the sorts of things that really interested you before you got into this relationship; do you have any hobbies/interests?  What about the places that you used to go?  Did you eat/watch/listen to anything different?  So many of those little things tend to change as we get into relationships but that's also a big part of who you are - figuring out what lights you up and what makes you happy.  Maybe you can spend your time trying to figure that stuff again (or doing it more).  The more time that you can spend doing stuff you really enjoy the less time you'll find you'll spend thinking about him.  

I also think that it's worth thinking about hanging out with other people; you don't have to date (and kiss other guys) yet if you're not ready, but broadening that social circle will help you cope a bit better.  Getting to know other people and really trying to take your mind away from things in a healthy way.

Right now it hurts, and that's okay.  But give it time - and invest your time in things that you love, and it will hurt less and less until it just doesn't hurt anymore.

Good luck 🙂

[PatT]

Hi Sean,

Sounds like you're in a difficult scenario to be honest. For me - it's always been impossible to try and get over someone while they're still actively in my life. I've always had to distance myself from them as much as possible to move on and this is kind of what it sounds like is going on with you. BUT I do completely get where you're coming from, he being one of your two mates. It sounds like you have two options here - try and make some new friends and get into new social circles or just accept that as long as you guys remain friends then you're going to have trouble dealing with your feelings for him.

[shad0wings]

Hi Sean,

To me it seems like you still have feelings for him. Seeing him still after the break-up as a friend, is going to make it more difficult to recover. Have you told him how you feel? How does he feel about you?

I don't think you're ready to see someone else yet, try and focus on healing your heart and moving on. It's hard I know, but you're a strong person and you can do it! 

You will meet a lot of great people in time, there's a lot of great guys out there! 

~ Taylor

[Narniakid]

Hi Sean, welcome to the forums and thank you for sharing your story.

It sounds to me that you're still in the grieving process of the break up, so I suggest avoiding seeing other people while you're still getting over your previous partner. 

Being friends with an ex is risky, but it can work - make sure you're both on the same page. If he's causing you too much anxiety, maybe it's time to give your heart a break while it heals. I recently just reconnected with a close friend of mine after we'd had a fallout and hadn't spoken in half a year - I now realise just how important time is in the healing process. 

What I suggest you do is distract yourself by trying new things and embracing all that you are - study a course, pick up a new hobby, join a club. Do something new you haven't done before. Do something for your own enjoyment. Give yourself some love for a change.

Crystal

[Felicity308]

Hi SeanOD,

 Welcome to the BB Forum!!

Break ups are really horrible to have to deal with generally but when you're still friends they're just a thousand times worse unfortunately. I broke up with a guy a few years ago while I was living with his best friend and meant I was seeing him on a daily basis. We decided it would be better just to stay good friends and he his still one of my best friends today which is great. In saying that it makes the painful breakup period a lot longer and those feelings just take a frustratingly long time to fade.

My way of dealing with it (which may not work for you) was to throw my self 110% into everything else I did. I also started some new hobbies to use up free time so I really didn't have much time to thing about him .

I'm sorry I don't have the answer but I hope this helps a bit.

Felicity