A sudden and rash choice

vanny316 · ‎18-07-2015

How would you feel if one of your close friends one day tells you that it's better to cut off their friendship just so that it wouldn't be surprising if she/he died?

If that person did it to you...what would you do after your initial reaction of hearing them say that it is better to not have she/he in your life?

I did that one day because I wanted to suicide and wanted the least amount of people I care about to be surprised or really hurt...I tried to do that so they wont be as surprised but now here I am..still alive and crying over what I did because i regret it....

that friend supported me..and understood me the most out of everyone else. and now it seems like she is angry or mad at me....i cant stand it...i know it is all my fault....but i want to try to gain my forgiveness back 😞

beyondblue’s clinically-trained moderators often work offline (invisible to you) on issues relating to suicide or self-harm. At the same time, general supportive comments from the community are encouraged. If you have concerns around suicide or self-harm, please phone our Support Service on 1300 22 4636.

Jacko777 · ‎19-07-2015

Hi vanny316,

Welcome to the Beyond Blue forums, I am really glad you are talking about this. Like your friend, I would have supported you too, everyone on this site will say the same I reckon. And to answer your question, my initial reaction would be to support you to get some help and feel better. You can feel better vanny316. I hope you are getting some help with this, are you?

Have you talked to your friend about this to see why she seems angry? Maybe there is a misunderstanding, perhaps you can communicate with her and get everything out in the open, what do you think?

Please please please please look after yourself vanny316, we care that you are okay, if you are feeling low remember you can ring the Beyond Blue phone service, it's free and 24/7, they will help you to feel better straight away.

Talk any time.

Jack

Sophie_M · ‎20-07-2015

Hi vanny316, thanks for posting.

We wanted to take a moment to reach out to you ourselves at this time as it sounds like you may be out of immediate danger of ending your life, but still really struggling. You must have been pretty close to giving up to have taken that step. Sometimes the relationships that can be harmed in the lowest times, can feel they won't ever heal and be good again, but often that isn't the case.

If you aren't already connected with professional supports, doing so may help not only you and your recovery, but also your opportunity to try and let your friend know you are getting help. The most important thing through this is to stay safe. All things in life are temporary, both good and bad - but suicide itself is permanent. If you haven't linked in to help yet, your GP can give you a referral and sometimes counselling, or a school counsellor or Headspace could be a good option. www.eheadspace.org.au lets you talk with a counsellor online or over the phone about any concerns, no matter what they are, and there is no cost to keeping the same counsellor over time. Your local mental health team is also available if you think you have any risk at all of harming yourself. 1300 721 927 (24hrs)

We hope that the online community here provides you with helpful support that also empowers you to continue moving forward.

Take care and don't hesitate to contact our Support Service if you would like any information, referrals, or brief support to do with depression and anxiety. They can be reached 24/7 at 1300 224 636 or online via webchat daily from 3pm-midnight.

romantic_thi3f · ‎22-07-2015

Hi vanny316,

Thanks for reaching out to BB.

If someone that I knew said they wanted to cut off the friendship because they might die, I would be incredibly surprised - whether I knew them or not. I wouldn't want any of my friends (or anybody actually) to die. From experience, I know that suicide can leave everyone struggling; the person who commits suicide, their family, their friends, their friends family, their families friends, their neighbours, their schoolmates - it shocks a whole community.

That's not something that you can find out by asking somebody. Which is why I can't really answer you that question.

I can understand why your friend might be left a little angry too; I'm sure that she either doesn't understand or is incredibly worried (or even both). It will take some time, but it is possible to rebuild that trust and forgiveness that you once had.

But I can tell you that if you are thinking of suicide to please reach out. As someone who has had those thoughts and feelings I know that it can get better and I truly believe that it can for you too.

Take the first step and reach out to somebody; you're so brave for posting on here that I know you can pick up the phone or post on eheadspace too.

Take care 🙂

PatT · ‎22-07-2015

Hi Vanny316,

much like the other two posters before me I would implore you to contact the mentioned services if you feel like it's necessary. Just getting stuff off your chest and into the ears of another person can do heaps of good - good stuff for coming to Beyondblue.

As for the relationship with your friends - she may very well be mad. I've found that lots of people don't know how to react to things like suicide and their response can be to simply get angry. This isn't saying it's the right thing to do, it's just the initial response because the threat of losing someone we care about frightens us which translates into anger when the threat doesn't fully play out.

I would recommend really exploring this with your friends and making sure they know you're in a safe place now and for the sake of the relationship, apologise for scaring them. This isn't to say that you've done anything wrong here, but it may do some work in mending the friendship. Also i think you need to assess how legit your friend is being with what they've said. Speak to them about how they're feeling at the moment. Seeing our own problems in others often makes us realise how common said problems are.

Hope you and your friend can work something out,

Pat.

kelalou · ‎23-07-2015

Hi vanny316, thank you for bravely sharing what you're going through at the moment on the forums. I think its really important you reach out the the appropriate services listed above if you experience these suicidal thoughts or feelings, there are plenty of people who can help you with this and really, really care that you are okay - as evidenced by the responding posts here.

It sounds like you do have a supportive friend who wants to be understanding of what you're going through. However, I can also understand that she is probably really shocked or doesn't know how to cope with all the different thoughts she might be having. Sometimes, this lack of understanding can come across as anger. Perhaps you can go and see a counsellor together who can help you with what you're going through, help you guys to communicate openly, and give her some suggestions for how she can best support you and be your friend. I'm sure she wants to be a great friend to you, but she might just also need to be pointed in the right direction for some tips on how to better her understanding.

Thanks again for sharing, and as you'll see lots of people care about you and what you're going through. I hope you guys can talk really openly and figure it out together 🙂

shad0wings · ‎25-07-2015

Hi Vanny!

Your friend may very well be angry, however only because she really cares. Suicide is a very confronting thing to people who has not experienced mental illnesses such as depression. And usually people are afraid of what they do not understand. Many can not fathom the feeling of what it would be like to want to die, and so they become very confused and sometimes frustrated. Your friend may very well feel helpless, and whether you believe it or not, you will always be friends and your pain is their pain as well. You are always in their heart no matter if the label 'friend' is there or not.

As other replies have said on your post, suicidal thoughts are not to be taken lightly, please seek a doctor/psychologist/therapist/counsellor. Talk to your family, do they know you feel this way?

Have a one on one, face to face chat about the reasons you have for doing what you did. You didn't want to hurt your friend, you were simply - protecting them.

You truly are a kind person for doing what you did, you had only the best intentions. However, you really need your friend right now, and if they still care about you, they will hear you out for sure.

If you are struggling with anything, we're all here for you!

~ Taylor

Felicity308 · ‎02-08-2015

Hi Vanny,

Like the others I urge you to seek help if you are having a tough time. I can promise you that every single person on this forum will support you no matter what. You absolutely shouldn't have to feel like life is not worth living and asking for help will get someone on your side working just to make you feel better.

I know how upsetting it can be when someone who is such a big support in your life is angry at you. Equally I can understand why she is angry. She obviously cares for you a lot and she is upset by the fact that you would even suggest you might not be around. She'll be angry that she hasn't been able to stop you getting to this point and may even feel like it's her fault.The best way to understand her frustration and work out how to resolve the issue is really to talk about it. Suicide has such a huge impact on so many people, not just the ones closest to the person. It's also hard for some people to talk about so it might even be an idea to go and see a psychologist or therapist with your friend just to get some help explaining things.

I hope things get better with your friend. Good Luck!

Felicity 🙂