I don't really know what's going on

[lemony_snicket]

So a lot has been going on in my life lately and I need some help. This year my friends have all been fighting and I've had friends betray me and switched my best friend around a lot. Also I have recently gone out with a guy which I didn't really like but I can't say no it refuse things to people do we dated for a moth and I finally built up the courage to slowly dump him. He is a lot more popular and friends with way more people than me at school so I'm scared a lot of people won't talk to me this year at school and my friends are fighting as well so I'm nervous for school next year.

But the big thing is that my mum has depression and has been in and out of hospital all year. It's caused a lot of stress but my dad and grandparents have gotten me through it and been so sweet. Her depression is genetic, as I was told and my grandad (her dad) has it. This hasn't really come to my mind but recently all this stress has come together and I can't stop thinking about everything that's happened this year. It's just made me get upset quite a lot and tonight I've started crying but I don't know why.

Sorry for telling whoever reads this everything I just needed to get it all out.

[Zeal]

Hey lemony snicket,

You certainly have a lot going on in your life right now. Conflict and betrayal within a friendship group is emotionally difficult. It's important to not get caught up in conflict if it's between others and doesn't directly involve you. This is easier said than done though. Gossip and mean comments within a group, especially when it's mostly girls, can be pretty overwhelming.

It's a shame you felt you couldn't say no to that guy. Having to break things off gradually can be awkward. I found this really uncomfortable when I had to do so years ago. Even though you broke things off with this popular guy, I don't see why people will treat you badly. At least they shouldn't have the right to. You broke things off because you didn't like him as more than a friend, which is fair enough. It's much better than the alternative - continuing to go out with him when you don't share his feelings. You did the right thing. In future, if a guy asks you out and you don't want to date him, just suggest that you be friends.

There is a good chance that others in your year at school will forget about your breakup with this guy (or at least have new things occupying their mind). If someone asks you about it, just be honest and say that you didn't want to be more than friends. If you say this straight up, without avoiding the subject or getting nervous, people are more likely to just accept this and move on. If you are honest and calm, you should be fine.

If there is still conflict in your group of friends when school returns, this is a bit trickier. If things are getting a bit intense, avoid getting involved in verbal conflict. If one friend is talking to you about another behind their back, don't join in. You can listen and absorb what's going on, but avoid passing judgements or agreeing with hurtful things. Even if you don't start gossip, being involved in it can still be an issue.

I'm sorry to hear that your Mum has depression. It's great that you have the close support of your Dad and Grandparents - that can make a huge difference. If you would like to talk to someone confidentially and for free, you can call the Beyondblue 24/7 helpline on 1300 22 4636. The Kids Helpline (for under 25's) is 1800 55 1800.

If you think your mental health is a concern, you could visit your family doctor (GP) for advice.
You are welcome to post back here if you'd like to talk further, or if you have any questions 🙂

Best wishes,

Zeal