i don't know why im posting something

[anonymous767675]

I'm nervous as its my first time posting on here, but I often come to read other people's posts.

I'm not okay at the moment. Every aspect of my life is becoming a struggle, and I'm not at all happy. For a the past 1.5/2 maybe even 3 years I've been up and down mentally. Earlier years I was mostly feeling good, but would have moments where I wasn't. Fast forwards to now- I feel awful. I hate school and hate feeling the way I do. The most frustrating part is that it is SO hard to explain. I have love and support from my parents who always want to help me (and d0 help me), but I can't fully open up. Nobody knows I feel much worse inside than it may seem on the outside. I hate school, not because of the workload (I tend to get good grades), but because of the environment. I do have friends (not many), but I feel lonely in class at school where I have nobody. I fear judgement every minute, and its exhausting. I dont feel like I'm even living the life I want to- but I don't even know what that is. I feel empty, sad, frustrated, scared and overwhelmed. I feel extra worse at the moment cause I JUST started my first job. I thought it would help me but I just feel like I can't handle it right now. In fact, I can't handle anything and I just feel like giving up. I feel like throwing everything away and not doing anything anymore- i feel like disappearing for a while i guess. Ive benn stuck in a trap for so long and it just gets worse and worse.

So I dont even know if what i just wrote made any sense. It was all over the place but so is my mind.

[Sophie_M]

Hey anonymous767675,

Welcome to the forums, we are so glad that you've taken the big step in sharing your thoughts and feelings here with our wonderful community. We're really sorry to hear that you've been feeling so empty and overwhelmed. We can hear that you must be feeling even more stressed with a new job on top of everything else, but please know that you've come to safe, non-judgemental space to talk things through and our community is here to offer as much support, advice and conversation as you need.

We understand that it can be really tough to reach out, especially if you struggle to fully open up to friends and family. But we think it might really help to talk these feelings through, and we'd encourage you to get in touch with our lovely friends at Kids Helpline. They are a confidential and anonymous, telephone and online counselling service specifically for young people aged 25 and under, and are available 24/7 on 1800 55 1800 or through their online chat: https://kidshelpline.com.au/ We’d also welcome you to reach out to our Support Service, which is available 24/7 by phone on 1300 22 4636 or on Webchat 3pm-12am AEST on our website: www.beyondblue.org.au/getsupport.

We hope a few of our caring community members will pop by soon to welcome you and offer some words of support and advice, and please feel free to keep checking back in and let us know how you are going, whenever you feel up to it. We're all here for you.

[GreysAnatomyFan]

Hi, I am new here too.
I feel the exact same way, the pressure and loneliness. I was never going to open up to anyone because I thought I could deal with it myself or it will go away but I recently had a panic attack in front of my parents. They encouraged me to see someone and I had my first appointment today. It felt good to open up to someone that you don’t have to see in a daily basis and you can not fear living in embarrassment to see their faces everyday.

[geoff]

Hello Anonymous and GreysAnatomyFan, to decide to make a decision to post takes courage and bravery and you should congratulate yourselves because you're talking to people who have encountered similar situations, so there is no need to be afraid.

There comes a time when this feeling of emptiness and wandering around believing everything or one are against you, because we perceive all comments and any indiscretions by what we presume how others feel, needs to be addressed, and no, you aren't alone feeling this way.

What can happen is that it causes our inability to control the symptoms that then leads to frustration, feelings of hopelessness and isolation that will only ferment within ourselves, I know because that's what happened to me.

It's just like waving your hand and no one can notice, but now we have you and understand exactly how you are feeling.

My best.

Geoff.