I don't know what to do.

BigUnit3 · ‎08-06-2018

Hi, I'm a 15 year old from Brisbane. I've been feeling very depressed for about 4 years, however, in the last 6 months it has just gotten worse and worse. I've been having panic attacks that have lasted for up to 3 hours and have just felt lethargic and numb for the last few weeks. My memory has become increasingly spotty - sometimes I can go to work or even just down stairs at home and not remember how and when I got down there and what I was doing there. Its starting to really negatively impact my life. I've been dealing with family members and friends in hospitals and its really getting me down. I've had no interest in hobbies or anything like that - its almost like i'm glued to my bed or couch. Its not just normal teenage laziness, this is worse than that. I've been exercising and eating as much as my body will let me. I exercise for about 45 minutes a day and i'd like to go for longer to loose some weight, but my body just wont let me. I suddenly just loose interest in everything and flop. My diet isn't really fantastic. Since my psychologist recommended I try St John's Wort in combination with fish oil, i haven't really been hungry or had the urge to eat anything. I've been on it for about 2 months and so far, I've gained weight by not eating much and my mental state seems to keep getting worse and worse. Earlier in the year, I started to experiment with recreational and experimental drugs to take my mind off some of the stuff that was happening in my life. None of it helped and I regret it now. My doctor and Psychologist think i'm just fine but nothing is helping me and it just seems to keep getting worse and worse. I scored a 43/50 on my K10 and I don't think that makes me 'just fine'. Parents don't seem to worry too much and they wont let me see a clinical psychologist because it will be too much trouble. A few weeks back, i started getting headaches in the middle of the day for 2 hours where i could not read or concentrate on anything at all. My doctor dismissed this as 'normal'. I have weird unintended side effects to some cold medications, like pseudoephedrine, which makes me extremely hyper, even though the main side effect of it is to make you drowsy, so i'm not sure if i would get unintended side effects with antidepressants. I'm not in any danger, but i'd just really like to know what's going on and what i should do. Thanks,

smallwolf · ‎08-06-2018

Hey,

Welcome to beyond blue. It is good that you have found to the courage to write here. You should find the people here helpful and supportive.

Given your age I guess that you are still at school? Can you speak with a counselor at school? They might have some ideas to help you out. School days can be the best or worst of times. From your perspective it sounds like the latter for you?

One of things (or 2) that I have do at the moment is write a positives journal, and gratitude/pleasure/accomplishment list. It was hard at first. But it is getting easier now. I still need to google ideas. But you could try that to get into the "better" mood. If I can ask some questions? (see below). You don't have to answer any/all of the questions, but are some thing to think about or consider?

What sort of diet do you have if I may ask?

Depending on who you listen to some argue that you can gain weight by not eating properly. You can google that.

Sometimes diet can affect the way you feel also. I would have indigestion/reflux until I stopped drinking coffee in the afternoon. Weird I know. Someone else I know cannot drink coke as it makes his mood funny.

On losing weight... I found that walking, and my parents have switched to a Mediterranean diet, and changing portion sizes helped. These ideas might not work for you, but it is a case of working out what works for you.

What sort of exercise do you do? I am just curious. Again, all I do is walk about a 1hr a day. But I don't drink soft drink, eat junk food etc. Weight gain could also be related to the exercise as you build muscle. But then you also said that you are glued to the couch and have no interest in hobbies.

I guess the question you could put to your psychologist is "why do say I am OK when I don't feel like that?".

If I were you I would start with your school counselor. But I hope that you will come back and let us know how you are getting on. Because the people here will listen to you, and help you through this as best we can. Ultimately, we each have our own journey.

All the best,

Tim

startingnew · ‎09-06-2018

Hi and welcome

Well done for reaching out. It seems your having a rather tough time atm.

Ithink Smallwolf has given some really good advice here. I would be trying to speak to your school counsellor they are free and can help you more too.

Perhaps writing a letter to your parents about how your really feeling would help. I write better than i speak so might be worth giving a go to get your point across...

Again welcome and hope to hear back from you soon.

BigUnit3 · ‎09-06-2018

Hey All!

Thanks for the support. I've tried talking to my counsellor at school, but he's not really helping and ends up sending me home from school every time I ask for support. School is pretty average for me. I get good grades in STEM subjects, but not in other subjects. like English or History. I end up having to study for 2 hours a day every day to cement the knowledge into my brain. Usually, i come home from school to study and the stuff i understood in class suddenly makes no sense to me and I have to reteach myself something I've already learnt from the notes I've written.

My psychologist makes me keep a journal where i write down the positive things about the day and things i can do to make tomorrow a better day and rate my mood from 1-100. Usually, my mood is below 50, but since I've started, I've been going through some rough stuff in my life. I've had a few friends try and one succeed at ending their own lives. Its hard, but I'm getting through it.

My diet isn't at all fantastic. Usually I don't eat anything for breakfast, either because i'm not hungry, not interested or its milk related (i'm severely lactose intolerant. I've tried lacteeze and it doesn't work for me). Nothing for morning tea usually and sometimes a sandwich for lunch. Then I usually have whatever my family is having for dinner. Its not that I don't want to eat - i do - its just that my body and mind tell me not to eat for some reason.

My exercise consists of walking for an hour or more a day (trying to keep up those 10k steps 🙂 ) and swimming usually on Monday, Wednesday and Friday.

Writing a letter to my parents is a great idea! I've never actually thought of that before. Thanks

Thanks for the help,

startingnew · ‎09-06-2018

Your welcome

Ihope it all works out for you in talking to your parents. Can be pretty nerve wracking huh.

I do think having the right supports-ones that you click and feel comfortable with would be a big help.

im so sorry to hear about your friend. That would be really hard to deal with. Please make sure you look after yourself to.

Perhaps some goals would be good for you. You could set them each week as short term goals and then set some longer term goals too. It might help with your focus and give you a sense of achievement once you reach each goal.

One of my basic ones are to eat healthy and 3 meals a day. Sounds silly but that is something i struggle with. Healthy im ok with but wasnt eating much at all.

They can be anything though

Some for you could be to do your assigments (list the ones each week or coming up) eat healthy and 3 meals a day, keep up your exercise, talk to parents etc. You can make them anything you want though. Breaking them down into small achieveable things helps.

have you got a dietician that could help you with your eating esp with a lactose intolerance?Im sure they could give you some advice too.