I don’t know if I really am sad

[lsfk]

I’m not sure whether I’m feeling depressed or if it’s just nothing? Since the middle of last year I began have sudden outbursts of just uncontrollable crying over small things; I would keep crying and my whole body would tingle and it began getting hard for me to breathe and I’d become lightheaded. I have no reason to cry but I can’t help but feel sad. These weren’t very often though, maybe just happened 3 or 4 times. Also I have a lack of concentration, I find it hard to read books and study for math, I also rarely prepare for essays and tests. Because I keep getting bad grades, I feel even worse but I can never concentrate on studying. I have a lot of friends and a family that loves me a whole lot but I just keep feeling helpless and sad. I also care a lot about my image but recently I got a haircut and it really effected how I see myself and now I just feel a whole less confident and because of my lack of self esteem now I cried a lot last night. I don’t want my friends or family to know unless I really am depressed so how can I really tell? I know I should talk to someone but I don’t really have a lot of close friends who take this kind of stuff seriously and I also think they’ll just say stuff like “oh yeah me too I cry like that too” but I’m not sure if they feel the same as me. I’m not close with any of my teachers either, and the counsellord at my school are intimidating, if I go in my friends will also suspect something. I also don’t want to tell my parents because they are divorced and my mum just got promoted in a new role and engaged, I don’t want to worry her about nothing if I’m not really depressed. And my dad is working two jobs and has to care for my brother, my grandparents, myself and himself. I don’t want to stress him out even more. What should I do when I feel like I have no one to talk to? My friends don’t usually take me seriously since I’m usually so happy and make jokes and make them laugh a lot. I feel so happy when they laugh with me but when they tease me a little I also get really sensitive and feel sad again, I can’t show that to them though so I just tease them back. I really don’t know what I should do and who I should talk to so that I can know if I really have depression

[Doolhof]

Hi lsfki,

Welcome to the forum and the community here. It sounds like you have considered different options and people you could talk to regarding getting help and assistance.

Even though it sounds like both your parents are busy with their own issues, it may well be they would be very willing to listen to your concerns.

The Beyond Blue website has a lot of information about depression and also about how people can assist someone with depression. There are questionnaires on line about depression that you could look at to see if you do have depression or not.

I also like to talk to a Dr about anything I read on the internet to check it is accurate. Is it possible for you to make an appointment to see a DR?

Would you feel comfortable phoning Kids Help Line and talking to someone about how you are feeling or Beyond Blue. The support people may be able to help put you in contact with an organisation or support service in your area.

Have you spoken to the school counsellors at all? It can feel confronting talking to people about how you are feeling.

Regarding your haircut, can you style your hair differently until it grows a bit more? That is one thing with hair, it does grow again!

Hope you are able to find some help and solutions.

Cheers from now from Dools

[Soberlicious96]

Dear lsfk,

Welcome to Beyond Blue and well done for reaching out. I would like to add to Doolhof's reply above, by adding that the number for kids helpline is: 1800 55 1800.

And also, I just wanted to say that I too once had a haircut that was way shorter than I had ever had before, and I cried myself to sleep for a week. I could hardly wait for my hair to grow long again. Only twice in my life have I ever had short hair, and I hated it both times. I guess I had to do it twice just to be sure ..... and believe me, I am sure now! I am not sure if you are male or female, but I know that for me (I am female) my hairstyle is a very important part of who I am. My long locks help me to feel as though I am attractive and confident. Shorter hair feels like I don't have as much choice or control over what I can do with it.

Anyway, enough about my hair! I do hope that you will consider talking to your doctor about what is going on for you.

Take care, and know that we are here for you if you want or need to talk some more. xo

[Kiki207]

lsfk,

I too doubt whether I am really depressed or not. Normally when I get into a depressing state there's this voice telling me that I'm not really depressed and that I'm just an explosive, sensitive person. I try to shut it out, and write down what I think in a journal, or do something I love to distract myself. These help me a lot, so I recommend them to you and others.

It seems as if you have considered multiple options to get help, and coming here would definitely be a good one. I'm pretty sure the direct chats go until midnight so that would be a good idea as well.

Even though your parents are busy, they still love you and if you ask they will most likely be open to talk. (although this will really depend on your relationship with your parents). If they don't have time to talk you could ask them if you could go to your GP or a local counsellor as you don't feel comfortable going to your school's counsellor.

Just remember that you are loved by so many people, and that there are people always ready to support you.

xox

~Kiki