Hi there Guest66
Firstly I’d like to bid you a very warm welcome to Beyond Blue and to thank you for coming here and then providing your thread to this site. It can take quite a deal of effort at times, so “well done” to you.
Your post is a troubling one and your finish of it, has me very concerned for you – for where your mind is at, at the moment. Those kinds of suggestions are never good and to be thinking down those lines is not a good path to be following. While we don’t know too much about you now, I would bet that you’d have people (family?) in your life who mean the world to you and vice versa? In fact, do you have a family of your own? By saying you’ve got too many responsibilities, I’m thinking family (partner and children?) Am I close with this guess?
These feelings that you’re experiencing now of grief for your father, are all real and are all genuine – we all experience grief throughout our lives and no matter how many times you’ve experienced it, it always comes as a massive shock and the same awful feelings are there – or they’re not. As you’re experiencing – you simply shut down and therefore as you quite rightly say, your enjoyment for things has just left you. What is the point to things – I’m hearing you loud and clear.
His mother (your grandmother?) blames you. Well that’s just charming on her behalf – considering as you said, you’ve never had any contact with her. And that therefore is due to your father not getting on with his family. And that would have happened no doubt, well before you came on the scene – so now your father is no longer here, his mother can’t blame him anymore or not get on with him anymore, so she’s using you as the next means for her anger. So with this in mind, there is simply NO TRUTH in anything she says about you. I mean this is me looking at it from the outside and with very little to go on, but that’s just my take on it. You might say I’m way off and please, I’d be happy for you to correct me also.
But also, if you can, I’d be trying to avoid any contact with his family in the future – as all they’ll try to do is to beat you down and this will not be a good thing for you to experience.
I usually spin some advice towards the person aiming to see a GP – and this I believe is a must for you and to do it soon, but we can chat about that on your next post to here – as long as you feel ok to do so.
Kind regards
Neil
