How to cope with university?

[Queen_Elsa]

Hello,

This is my first post on here. I decided to join today because my boyfriend is struggling to help and understand me when I'm upset as I have been pushing my stress onto him for two years and I don't want to upset him any more (don't get me wrong, he is amazing and always tries to help but as he said himself, he's not a professional and has no experience with these matters).

So this is my third year at university and since day one I have struggled with handling the pressure of study and managing my own education. I lose control of my emotions in seconds, break down, cry uncontrollably before the semester even starts. I worry that I'm not trying hard enough even though I spend most of my spare time studying or doing assignments. And as soon as I find out what assignments I have or start working on them i get so worked up and stressed and nothing can make it better. I'm always tired, and have awful mood swings that upset my family and my boyfriend when they have done nothing wrong. 

For me the worst part is that I always end up doing well in my classes but that doesn't stop the stress and worry. It's starting to consume me and I feel tired and miserable all the time. It also doesn't help that I recently  discovered that I won't be able to get a job from my degree (archaeology and classics and ancient history) unless I do post-grad study, but I don't have the motivation and after the last two years and this year so far I feel like it would destroy me.

My parents have got me some stress relief tablets and a meditation track to listen to but it doesn't seem to be helping so far and I am still rapidly going down hill but I can't bring myself to see a doctor or anything like that because I don't know if I really do need help or if I just need to calm down...

any advice or help would be truly appreciated, and thank you to whoever reads this for caring

[Queen_Elsa]

I should also add that i am now mentally berating myself for taking an hour of my study time to post the above thread. Am I too hard on myself? I think so... It's like one part of my mind hates the other part for doing what it needs like taking time off to relax or get help when it thinks I should be working. I hope that makes sense...

[Amy_G]

Hi Queen Elsa,

Welcome to the beyond blue forum 🙂

It definitely sounds to me like you're much too hard on yourself! Taking time off of study for relaxation and doing things you enjoy is important for your mental health, and it's perhaps even more important to take the time to try and improve your mental health by seeking help (so well done for doing that!)

Does your uni have counsellors that you could talk to about this? I know mine did, and I'm pretty sure they also GP's etc. that you could go to for free. At my uni they had a lot of information about the counselling service, and study tips and stuff like that, on the website, so maybe you could look around your uni's site and see if they have something similar. 

Or, if you can't bring yourself to see someone in person, there are several services where you can talk to a counsellor on the phone, over chat, or through email. I've used chat and email services on several different sites and they've always helped me feel a little better, and given me helpful information. The ones I tried were beyondblue, kid's helpline and eheadspace. 

Talking to a counsellor could perhaps help you work out if you have an anxiety disorder, or even if it's not something clinical like that they could definitely help you with study related stress. If it's effecting your mental well-being, your study and/or your relationships, then it's worth seeking help about!

Hope this helps 🙂

Amy G

[Queen_Elsa]

Hi Amy G,

Thanks you for your advice, I will follow up your ideas.

I know my university has a counsellor but I am unsure if they deal with this sort of thing or not... Either way I will look into those options.

Thanks again

[BenD]

Hi Queen_Elsa,

Not much to add from Amy G's excellent post other than to agree with pretty much everything she is saying. I'm also in my third year and my experience with uni counsellors has been quite positive - they help lots of people with these kind of issues. The stress is much more manageable now for me than it used to be due to the help I have received.

The thing that they (and a GP) will be able to guide you through is setting up support structures to give you something to fall back on when times are stressful and worrying. They will give you the momentum you need to get push through the obstacles when going about uni (like stress and/or anxiety). You don't have to do it alone.

All the best 🙂

Ben

[Queen_Elsa]

Hi Ben,
Thank you for your advice too, I have just been on my uni's website and looked into the counselling so hopefully i can see someone next week. 

Thanks again, it's very much appreciated

[Maggie65]

Hi Queen Elsa,

I go to uni as well and I am in my second year. I have  been through similar experiences to you . I suggest you go to your uni counsellor , they help with all kinds of issues, including yours. If they feel they cannot help you to a great extent , they may refer you elsewhere like a psychologist or GP. I  remember going to my uni counsellor , it was scary at first , especially confronting one's problems, but as the sessions went by it was more easier , I got more comfortable and it helped me a lot. If you don't feel like counselling is for you or that your not comfortable with it , try searching up meditation and mindfulness on the internet, try exercising daily particularly yoga might help your case. Try not to be hard on yourself , challenge your negative thoughts with positive ones,  look up self-help books, and at least have one hour each day where you just simply relax. Talking to people as well and keeping loved ones close helps as well.  From my experience stress can really affect your motivation to do things in your daily life , perhaps when that stress is minimised you may get your motivation going on again.  I found that the more you explore this website , the more resources I have found that have helped me too, so go ahead and explore it , if you wish.  Eating healthy  food is  another key , and writing down goals can help you work your way to where u want to be and creating a timetable where you balance out your social, work and life in general can be helpful , your uni may have services which can help you do that. The internet is a great place to help you but make sure to check the accuracy of the website.  I wish you the best of luck, I know better days are coming for you 🙂 Believe in yourself, stay positive , love yourself, take care of yourself and always have hope 🙂

[Queen_Elsa]

Thank you Maggie, I am going to see the counsellor tomorrow and your post has made me feel more confident because I am dreading talking to someone about this.

I would like to relax more but when I do I feel like I have accomplished nothing or wasted time, or that I should have been working on an assignment… I understand that I need to but I can't get myself out of that mindset no matter what I try 😞

Thanks again for your kind words, it means a lot to me

[PurpleShade]

I can relate to dealing with the stress of study while battling with mental health. I've just finished an undergraduate degree that doesn't equal immediately to a job and post-grad is required to raise my employment chances in which I started and pulled out of because I need a break. I'm bombed and close to a breakdown. I spoke to a career advisor at uni and she said that volunteer work might help to establish what setting I want to work in, was good for the resume and helping others was rewarding too. I'm similarly hard on myself and I always had to make an effort to get the balance. I went part-time in some semesters and it mean't I could enjoy my studies a bit more. I aim to use my break to get some perspective on my direction and focus on my mental health. I'm not sure if my post is helpful but just wanted to share so you know your not alone in how your feeling and that taking things at a slower pace is ok, 

[Queen_Elsa]

Thank you PurpleShade, it is good for me to hear how other people are handling things so I can get some better ideas.
I'm looking for volunteer work too to better my chances at getting a job but its hard when I'm not even sure what I want any more 😕

I hope things work out okay for you on your break