Stuck

[lion94]

Hi all,

 I have suffered anxiety for a couple of years now (20 year old male, GAD with intrusive thoughts) and its generally been pretty manageable (medication aswell which im still on), until now.

It has been a stressful year with a new uni degree starting among other things, so wasnt in a good headspace as it was, however this latest situation has caused me to spiral significantly. I started seeing a girl who I am very attracted to and she is wonderful to me, however due to the fact shes a little bit younger than I and 'a bit clingy', I began to obsess over whether or not she is right for me. I couldn't just continue on like a normal person would, setting the doubt aside and just 'seeing what happens' and give her a chance which is desperately what I want to do, however these intrusive thoughts of whether or not I'd be completely happy and content with her are preventing me from even talking to her at the moment. But on the flipside I cant see myself just abandoning her and moving on because of fear of future guilt due to the fact she is so great to me and cares about me. So as you can see, I see absolutely no solution.

 I know i'm just seeking re-assurance right now, which is toxic for this OCD pattern of thinking, but I am seriously so stuck and would just love even the slighest bit of advice, my psychologist can't see me for two weeks but im seeing a psychiatrist next week. It just seems so far away though.

Any thoughts on what I should do right now? Cheers guys 

[Zeal]

Hi lion,

I’m a 22 year old female, and I’ve had general anxiety and OCD since I was 13. I manage it much better now, as I’m on the right medication, and I’m also happier with my life. I’ve had experiences with anxiety at uni, so I can partly relate to your situation. However, I don’t know exactly what this relationship feels like; only you do.

My advice is to be honest with her. Think about what you’re going to say before talking to her about this situation. If you talk to her about this without thinking it through, there could be a misunderstanding, or you might say things you don’t quite mean. Does this girl know about your anxiety? Is she doesn’t, I recommend telling her, at your own pace.

You don’t have to reveal every aspect of your mental health past or anything like that. Just tell her the things that are affecting you right now. You’ve said she’s great to you and cares for you, so you should be able to trust her with some of these personal details. Use your own judgment, and try to be calm, and you should be fine. I don’t think (and you probably feel this way too) you should mention her young age as worrying you, or not knowing if she’s the right person. In many relationships, people don’t know if they are dating the right person, especially at the start. Only time will tell.

When you say she’s a bit clingy, do you mean she’s a bit emotionally clingy or “needy”? Perhaps her “clinginess” is ardent affection. I obviously can’t make a judgement here, as I am not in your position. If you find her actions or the amount of time she spends with you overwhelming, you could try giving her subtle hints.

So for example, if she wants to come over to your house when you have the guys over to watch sport, and you just feel like being with the guys, don’t be afraid to say so. Of course, it’s important to communicate this in a nice way. You could say you are having a boy’s night. You could joke and say it’s a bit like the guy’s version of the girl’s night in.

If you haven't already done so, I recommend making an appointment with your uni disability service. It's possible to get some minor allowances because of your mental illness. I have these provisions in place, and it is seriously helpful. These arrangements are private and won't affect your graduate status or future employability. This service should be free.

I hope your anxiety gets less intense soon.  

Take care,

SM