how the hell do i come out of this

[music_my-life]

this is part of my story and the side that hurts the most. you see i'm bisexual and my mother is Christian so my problem starts in that statement. I've questioned my sexuality from late yr 6 to early yr 7 and came with a definite answer quarter to halfway through yr 7. my eldest sister is also bi and therefor I knew what mum's opinion on it was and it didn't make me feel any better (this pain also became a major contributor to my self harm issue) and so I didn't decide to tell her anytime soon. after about a year later from the time I accepted this fact, I ended up telling her (it happened through a fight though) and ever since she has said nothing but Christian lectures about it. things like, this is all from the devil and i'm "possessed by demons and shit like that. ever since then I regret so badly ever telling her about it all and as time has passed I have opened up a lot more to her about my mental illnesses to her but its the same annoying lectures evrytime. I am perfectly fine with who I am as a person but she disagrees with a lot of it and its frustrating. I know god is real and all but I don't agree with everything he says is wrong and right and shit like that. I find it so hard to live with myself cause she wont leave me as I am but insists on "healing" and shit, so I feel worse and worse about myself everytime she talks about it like that. she hasn't been Christian the whole time but ever since I was 9-10 yrs of age she has been and im currently about to turn 14. how do you live with yourself when your own mother makes you feel like crap just because you disagree with her ideals and beliefs. I know she loves me and she just doesn't know how to handle the situation and stuff but how do you keep yourself alive when your own mother wont support you for who you are along with living with the fact that if she wasn't Christian she would support me. how do you live with yourself when you feel like this. 

[Paul]

Hey music=my-life,

Welcome to Beyond Blue forums - I love your name!

It sounds like you've done a lot of soul searching to discover your bisexuality and come to a definite answer and this hasn't come lightly, given your sister's experience and your observation of how you mum reacts to your sister. I'm really sorry that you had to come out to your mum under duress. I'm sure it's not at all easy being dished out devil lectures, especially from your own mum.

My understanding of the Christian God is that he is the only one to judge and those who follow his teachings are to be charitable, loving and welcoming and let God do the judging - or they themselves will be judged.

It seems your mum isn't very receptive to discussing mental illnesses and how they are affecting you. Are you able to talk to the school counsellor or are you seeing a psychologist?

How is your relationship with your eldest sister? Can you confide in her and tell her about your self harm - if you already haven't, perhaps you could both talk about how what your mum says affects you.

It's a difficult thing to come to a point where your beliefs differ from your parent's and they react badly to you having your own beliefs. What can you do about it? Ensure you have support around you so that you can reach out for help. The rest of your family or professionals or school counsellor and of course here. Another difficulty is the rapid growth that comes with being forced to deal with differing opinions from your mum. I think your mum is being very unreasonable expecting you to be OK with such polar opinions and also not respecting your beliefs.

If you feel up to it you could mention when your mum bangs on about the devil and all the BS that God teaches love and tolerance no matter what and that you just want her love, not her judgement. I'm afraid it sounds like your mum might not listen to much- she could be frightened of being judged etc herself.

So in summary, see if you can build a network of supportive people around you. School counsellor, you sister, Beyond Blue folks here on the forums, your GP, Psychologist or a counsellor. If you have a close friend, it really helps to confide in them as well.

What are your thoughts?

Take care, hope to chat soon.

Paul

[music_my-life]

I don't think my eldest sister knows and my mum stated when she was talking with me to not until i'm 16 to tell them and stuff. I do have my friends and im suppose to see a counsellor for the first time next week but ya its really hard. I get that she loves me and just doesn't quiet understand everything with mental illnesses but it's hard to be myself when its like she criticizes everything about me any chance I slip up etc.. thanks for your advice

[gBoop]

Hi music=my life 

 I just want to start with im pansexual and my whole family is christian and i have actually only told around two of my friends. I have anxiety and depression and i have been trying to deal with all of it as everything wash all over me and hurt but even if i havent told my family i know they trust me to be the best and even when i feel down i use them as my support. I actually run a stand out group at my school in ringwood where we fight agains homophobia and its so amazing having the constant in my life to protect and help me as i move through and try to stand up for my beliefs  and u shouldn't hide because of yours.

[Fairywings]

Hey sweety it is totally OK to be who you are, don't let anyone else ever tell you otherwise. Its evident mothers and daughters opinions never end well when there is something there that isn't being openly accepted. I understand how hard it is to live with her specially given that you aren't feeling supported by her. That's ok this is why we are here and why i am here. you are safe and supported no matter what your decisions in life are. just think of it as a colorful way of life there is nothing wrong with being bi. I am a mum with a toddler and I still to this day don't feel supported by my own mum. Talking to a counselor will help. They will not judge you and they won't criticize you so hopefully you will feel comfortable in talking to them about this issue. It makes me sad to know that your self harming bc i can relate to this myself and i completely understand. Seeking help is the best thing you can do and telling people who you can trust about it. You have definitely come to the right place. So proud of you and i really hope your heart is filled with happiness really soon. Big hugs hunny take care. xx

[music_my-life]

for once someone gets it having a christian family and knows how it feels. wish u lived closer 😞

I know and I get she loves me, I guess I just need a way to handle her and all her lectures and critisism

thanks, for once I don't feel alone on this situation.

[Fairywings]

oh hunny your not alone trust me that's what im here for i'm never far away just a tap of a keyboard letter LOL

[Fairywings]

just walk away distractions are good do something you enjoy and don't let her eat u up inside this will get better her not accepting you the way you are is not ur problem you have a beautiful life ahead of you so make the most of it. your mother will have to comes to terms with that decision and i know its very hard in the meantime. stay strong sweetheart always here to talk.xx

[music_my-life]

thnx for ya support wings >3

[pipsy]

Dear music=my=life.  I understand where you're coming from with your mum's judgement.  I belong to a church where we're told to read and live by the bible.  In today's society, however, it's difficult because people are generally more liberated now than what they were in the bible's time of being written and lived by.  I think a lot of your mum's beliefs are that you will be condemned to hell because of your preferences.  I am not a judgemental person, I couldn't care if you're bi, gay, coloured whatever.  When your mum attends church, however, it is 'drummed' into her that you are a 'sinner'.  Everything she says to you is being said to her by the church.  You are no more a sinner than anyone else in this world, in fact you're less because you're 'true' to yourself.  I find gays, and bi's refreshing because they're totally at peace with who and what they are.  I think the church are scared because you have the guts to be honest.  I have a friend at church who informed me her and her hubby split because she discovered he was seeing prostitutes.  I think she was more annoyed with who he was seeing, rather than the fact that he was unfaithful.  Be happy and content with who you are, you are a loving, honest, peace loving person.  Don't lose 'you' by trying to be someone you're not.  I wouldn't have any more conversations with your mum, just tell her it's better to agree to disagree.  Leave it at that.  If you are seeing a counsellor, keep seeing him/her.  I think the mental illness you're talking about is frustration because you don't have the support you need.  I'm so sorry you feel so isolated because of your mum's beliefs.  If she tries to get you to talk to her minister, politely decline.  Just tell her you're happy with who and what you are and leave it at that. 

Hope this has helped settle you a bit.