I need some ideas, first time poster here.

[RickyJ]

This is my first time posting here and I would love to get some advice. I will try to keep it very very short and not ramble. Here are some stats about me to make things a lot easier.

Status Sex : M
Age : 22 

Adolescent years :Was always a loner, had no friends stayed at home all day watching tv, played no sports etc. Didn't speak english till 8 but was happy being a kid.

Teenage years : Severely bullied due to my race, considered as a looser, had a few friends but were very negative about the world. Suffered in loneliness for 7 years. 

Adult years : Moved to capital city to undertake college studies but failed and wasted 3 years of my life due to sadness, feeling empty, could not concentrate and feeling like my life was going no where. Work : Work in hospitality approximately 20 hours a week, filled with depressed people talking about how we only work for money and thats it. 

Parents : Mother is a buddhist very faithful. My Father and grandfather are narcissist considers themselves as a communist and hates capitalist society, talks about death and how useless this capitalistic world is and believes the world should be like North Korea, they want to see people suffer and want to see the world burn. 

Sex Life : Non, all my sexual encounters have been with escorts and seeing girls in parlours. I have done severe damage to my penis due to piercings which also causes a bit of distress in my head. 

I noticed I had OCD during when I was a kid such as counting words, flicking on and off lights, turning on and off taps etc. It feels like I have 2 or 3 voices in my head talking to my self most of the time and try to create weird scenarios, sometimes the head in my voices drive me insane. I stay in my room all day because there is nothing to do, I have lost all interest of everything, and nothing excites me including sex. I just stay in my room, browse the net and listen to love and happy songs which I can't relate to.

I am very lost at the moment. Somedays I think is about is suicide, I have tried asking my parents for advice, my mom tells me to shrug it off and do chores, my father jokingly and mocks me  and calls me names. He tells me sister that  people who don't complete college will be working in shit jobs for the rest of their life and considers me as a failure.  

I have been to doctors but I refuse to take any medications, I believe in natural remedies. 

[Lana81]

Hi RickyJ

Firstly, thank you for sharing your story and background - that was very brave of you.

Your childhood and teenage years were obviously incredibly tough. Bullying is one of the ugliest sides of the human character, and it shamefully happens to too many people.

But that doesn't change the past.

When you've seen doctors, did they suggest any treatment other than medication? Like counselling for example? Or seeing a life coach?

Wanting to change your situation without medication can be extra challenging, but depending on your personal diagnosis, you can do it - you absolutely can take the first step you need to start living the life you want.

And that's the key here - "the life YOU want". You are 100% your own person. Your parent's opinions are just that, their opinions. I'm not suggesting ignore your parents and show them no respect. But now that you're an adult, you're fully accountable for yourself.

But here's the catch...nothing comes without hard work. Unless we're among the very few who inherit millions from their parents and can buy the life they want...the majority of us have to do A LOT of work to get what we want in life.

The reason I'm saying this is because I think the first thing you could do is write a list...something like, "When I'm 80, and sitting around with my grandkids, what do I want to tell them I did with my life?". I believe first you need to know your goals and what's important to YOU.

Then, I think you should share that list with someone (like a counsellor/psychologist) and talk about the things you can focus on to start working towards your goals, one day at a time - and what you can do on the days when it seems impossible to even leave your room.

I want you to stop thinking of yourself as a failure. You're only 22 - you have so many years ahead of you to find your life's purpose. You may not take me at my word, but from my own personal experience... I dropped out of uni on my first try. I worked a low wage job and also had a father that told me I wouldn't amount to anything. I had no friends and no hope. BUT, I partnered with a counsellor who believed in me, and I worked hard (one day at a time) to get my life back on track.

I'm now 34 with a university education, married and have a very successful and rewarding career. Do I still have depression? You betcha! But am I happier? Very much so!

I believe in you...if I could turn my life around, I know you can too!

Lana