How I feel or some of the story (I'll try to keep it brief)

[Thinkingofaname]

well, first of I'll tell a bit about what's happened. my past is kind of messed up but compared to some others it isn't to bad. I've had experience with abuse, physical and emotional, seen some things that shouldn't be seen at a young age, experienced traumatic events and have been to the point where I almost lost my sanity. I know now I'm not completely sane anymore but there was a time where I had almost gone insane from it all. I was so close to giving in that I almost lost who I was but I had remembered something in the midst of it and stopped myself from doing something awful that may have haunted me for the rest of my life.

I've dealt with depression and anxiety.A lot has happened in the last 2 years. I changed drastically, I looked through photos and saw my smile slowly fading away. I don't laugh much now. I want to remember what it was like to be happy, nothing on my mind but at the same time I never want to forget everything thats happened because the pain I feel from it only reminds me that I can't let it happen ever again.

I never really had someone to look up to as a child. As much as I hate to admit it I'm glad my parents taught me by bad example. It only made my resolve stronger that I never wanted to be like that. Over the last year in particular I changed a lot.I became shut in, I interacted less with people. People kept asking what's wrong? Stop acting we want the real you back, except this was the real me. the person who is here today. I became stronger but I also became colder. I kept it all in when everyone else was falling apart. It really angers me how adults expect respect when they only act like children. I spent a lot of time alone. I'm a quiet person but can be extremely extroverted when I want/need to be. One of the few things that will always make me smile is anime. In truth anime may be the reason I am still sane, why I chose not to break, not to give up. 

Things will never be the same, and I know that. Phycologists aren't really helping that much, I seem to get looks of pity which really annoys me.I feel like imagination and reality are blurring together. Everything feels like a dream. I guess I changed a lot inside and out.

[SourceShield]

Hi Thinkingofaname...BTW - thats a cool name!

Our stories sound very similar.

Remember that if the professional help that you are seeing isnt working for you...you can always see someone else.

And, theres all sorts now - you could try art therapy, or mindfulness coaching...we dont have to stick with the help that we have, if it aint helping...but I know for sure that there are some marvelous professionals out here.

I thoroughly admire my psych - she is the best!

And so I am grateful for her, and thankful for all her input and knowledge.

I get the whole loss of happiness thing, and I know now that we can move on and grow from this.

I have actually posted about Smile Meditation...look it up, the post is entitled --->>> SNORT <<<---

Easy to find!

Itll help to rewire the brain...and get you back to smiling and laughing again.

You are not alone.

We are here for you.

Stay in touch.

MuchLove

[romantic_thi3f]

Hey Thinkingofaname,

Thank you for reaching out to us and sharing a bit of your story. You don't need to keep it brief here - other than the character limit we want to hear as much as you want to tell us.

It sounds like you've gone through a lot over the years and I'm sorry that your psychologist isn't helping that much. How long have you been seeing him/her? Do you think it might be helpful to change to another one?

Are you working/studying at the moment?

Trauma can be different for everyone. I don't think that we can ever go back to the "old us" but we can certainly get to a place where what happened to us doesn't have to affect us now. Eventually what happened to you could just become an old memory.

You mentioned that you love anime; what sort do you like? I don't know much about anime other than a YouTuber talking about it once. Do you ever draw anime? Sometimes drawing can be a great way to express what's going on for you when people don't seem to understand. Other times it might just be helpful to chat - you're always welcome to post on here.