Help with reality

[_Huski_]

Hey, I was just wondering if anyone could relate or give me advice with what I'm going through

I'm a 16 year old girl, I never really had any problems, I was a happy child and was extremely care free up until about half way through last year. I went through a stage where I wanted to know more about my surroundings and the world itself, I've always been into science and everything that was weird and wacky.

During this time, I started to wonder and think more, to the point where I was lost in my own world of thoughts and couldn't stop thinking and thinking, and not about normal things like boys and friends, it was all about reality and how things work, why the universe doesnt fall apart, what are black holes, how exactly does the human body word and the speed of light when it hits water and just random stuff.

I was so caught up in my own thoughts, that everything and everyone around me, I just lost sudden interest in. I felt numb and that I had no compassion or care for anything. I felt horrible, I would try and talk to one of my friends about it, but she would basically brush it off and then talk about her problems, like why her boyfriend wouldn't go out for dinner with her and crap.

Given that I wasn't a very open person, I assumed that my problem was dumb. Eventually, I couldnt relate to anyone. The girls I was once close to, wouldnt even try to talk to me because I couldnt understand why they were feeling that way or complaining. I ended up getting called emotionless and heartless as a joke, It did hurt me, but of course I wouldn't say anything.

The last 8 months or so, I've been feeling as if I'm in a dream. My surroundings and myself, just dont seem real enough. I have melt downs from being so overwhelmed by my own reflection because I dont feel that Im here. I doubt and over think everything. I've convinced myself that I'm in a dream, and that nothing is real. Everything is just so mind blowing to me and I dont understand why.

I've talked to my mother about some of this but she doesnt know much. I try and talk to her but her response is "You're just different. I think you're a very intelligent girl but you need help to understand"

I hear things, see people, but I try not to think about it because I dont want to know Im crazy.

I'm seeing a counselor, but its hard to explain what the hell is going on and how im feeling, but I dont even know what Im feeling. I'm just emotionless and dont feel anything but neutral 

Everything is a dream to me

[Neil_1]

Hi there Huski

Welcome to Beyond Blue and thank you for providing your post.

May I say to you congratulations for being able to take up on the learning of such things as you’ve written about.  The world is a huge place and beyond is infinitely more larger and incredible – so much out there that so little of us know about – so you should feel damn pleased with yourself that you’ve gone and improved your knowledge and also your self-interests.

You know I really think your mum means well – but to say “you’re different and you need help to understand”;    my play on this is, we are ALL different – what a boring old world it’d be if we were all the same?!?!?   I certainly don’t think you’re emotionless or heartless and perhaps if you were able to, it would have been great for you to tell these girls just that.  “What you’ve just said to me has really affected me”,  something like that – to tell them, to show them that indeed you are a kind, caring and compassionate person.

May I ask though, what you mean when you say you “hear things and see people”?   I mean, we all do that – are you saying you kind of can get to that next level, where you hear things (ie:  the tone that things are said?) and where you see people, you see a change in their demeanour when conversing with others?   If it IS this, then it’s finally great to hear from someone else who is like this – cause for a long time now, I’ve done this.  Sometimes it’s good but for lots of other times, it’s not – because it gives you a bad feeling about people because I think, “how could you give that look to that person?” or things like that.   Wow, did I make any sense with that?

I would love to hear back from you.

Neil

[geoff]

dear Huski, I had typed you a reply and I didn't copy and paste this time but 'system error' appeared so I lost it.

I find your post rather interesting, so let me explain.

An elderly chap and I used to walk our puppies down at the park, and he would always ask me questions to check up on my computer, so I would come back the next day and tell him what I had found.

He wasn't satisfied with the answers because he would ask me 'why', and this went on for a long time, talking about so many different topics, and it included questions about the black hole in the sky, so it intrigued me about all of the topics, unfortunately it doesn't happen any more as he has passed away, he was in his 80's but had brain cancer.

Maybe your counsellor could learn from how you feel.

I have cut this reply down from the first one, and it's been awhile since you posted, so I hope that you are still checking on your post. Geoff. x