Hate myself.......

[anon233]

I really don’t know where to start but I get down and feel upset about myself ..... in a nut shell, I hate myself!

I feel ugly all the time, I never feel confident and happy but instead insecure! I look in the mirror or at photos and hate what I see, cringing at the sight of myself.

I have no confidence or belief in myself, I doubt myself and everything I do, I feel like people think I’m weird so I barely speak up and come across as shy and avoid social situations. I feel alone, and like no one likes me and fear I will be alone forever and wont met a potential partner as I feel like no one will love me! I am extremely hard on myself with everything I do, I’m never satisfied with myself, terrible at taking compliments and constantly overthinking every situation thinking if I said/did something wrong or if I should have done something differently.

I don’t really know who I am, or where I belong in this world – I’m 19 and have absolutely no idea what career path I would like to follow!

I have had low self-esteem for a long time but feel as though it’s really starting to affect me. I feel selfish for feeling this way, as I know there are others out there with more serious problems then me and I know I have a family who love me – but I just feel down.

I don’t know what is wrong with me? And what I should do?

[Just Sara]

Hi anon and welcome to our caring BB community;

I'm so sorry you feel this way hun. 19's a tough age, especially with all the pressure life dishes out these days. It's sad to read how you perceive yourself. There are a lot of negative words you use to describe who you are.

What could possibly be that bad to make you feel this way?

I'm an oldie but a goody as they say. lol My teens were the 70's and we asked the same questions and felt just as defeated and confused when it came to our self esteem, future and worth back then.

Unfortunately, this day and age comes with far too many expectations and pressures; way more than we had. I know this doesn't do anything to ease your burden, but I'd like you to understand you're not alone with your self image issues.

Between 19 and 21 is a confusing age; not a fully fledged adult, but not a teen anymore either. It's a transition period which challenges both males and females.

Looks are only skin deep. I know, I know, you've heard it all before, but that's because it's the truth. I'm no beauty, but I often get comments from others saying how they wish they could be as confident as me - and they're beautiful people!

Gaining this confidence was a long process. Patience, courage and commitment's needed to push thru this awkward winding road. It's like maths ok; you need to learn the basics before moving on to more advanced stuff. Life's a journey, not a destination.

I'm absolutely sure you have wonderful qualities if you just look beyond the mirror for a moment. Creativity, passion, focus and so on. How about telling me something about yourself eh?

Instead of using adjectives to describe who you think you are, how about giving me an example of what stands out about you to show me specifics.

I look forward to hearing from you; please stay around ok.

Kind thoughts;

Sez

PS.. Using our voice to speak up is really difficult for some. It's nothing to be ashamed or embarrassed about ok. Please don't feel defeated before your adult journey begins. Have fun, make mistakes and learn from them.

And, love that person in the mirror like no other; she (I'm presuming you're a girl) was once a perfect little girl with beautiful dreams. Look after her like you would your own child. 🙂 Sez x

[Croix]

Dear Anon233~

I'd like to join Sez in welcoming you here, where you are not going to have anyone think less of you or want you to be different.

As Sez says 19 is not an easy time for most. I'd like to suggest that unfortunately many things in life get easier with practice, and dealing with yourself so harshly is one of them. It is very easy to travel the same old route time and time again, feeling you do not look or behave as others would wish. Each time it becomes easier to fall in that trap.

Most people with any degree of sensitivity can feel that way, and for some after a while sadly the negative feelings cannot be persuaded easily to change. They do need to do so because they are wrong. It is a trap.

Unchecked they crowd your life into smaller and smaller circles, with fear dominating.

Your post says you are intelligent, sensitive and can write well. The picture you paint is clear and shows thought.

So how do you turn things around? A couple of ways.

One should not be ruled by anxious thoughts, and often outside help is needed to overcome them. If you are not already doing so I'd see your GP and in a long appointment say all that has been happening to you and how you feel and react. You may have an anxiety or related condition that needs addressing. If you think explaining in person is too hard then write it all down first and share the paper - I've done that, it can be easier.

OK, that's one thing. You also need to build things into your life that make living easier. Have distraction from all those negative thoughts by doing things you enjoy. I distract myself with exercise, reading, movies and pets. What sort of things do you enjoy?

Accomplishment plays its part too - what can you do well? (And please don't say nothing, I won't believe you)

Dealing with people can be hard, and it is so easy to discount all the qualities you have that others need. Sensitivity, intelligence and life experience - yes life experience. Sadly there are many who suffer low self esteem and like you relive all they have done and feel anguish over the past. You can understand them, and looking from the outside see they are most often wrong - and tell them so. You can be the strong one for others at times.

You are not in the slightest bit selfish, you did not ask to have these feelings. Having a loving family is a big bonus, but you are still as entitled to talk about things, to seek understanding and help as any here.

Croix

[stormcloudz]

Hi

I just wanted to welcome you, and let your know that you are not alone. Many people are hiding those thoughts, including some of the super-confident looking people who are putting on a brave front

That doesn't mean you shouldn't do anything about it though, as it is really affecting your life. Croix and Sara gave some great ideas, what do you think of those? Would they work for you.

Sending you lots of comfort and understanding.

[anon233]

Thank you , for taking the time to get back to me and welcoming me I really appreciate it!

I have never been one to seek help, I have always tried to go it alone – so the thought of going and seeing someone like a GP is a daunting one because I don’t really know what to expect?

[anon233]

Thank you so much for taking the time to reply, I have never been one to seek out help, so this is a big step for me as I have just gone by with these sort of thought floating around in my head for a while - Im just now starting to realise the effect its having on my everyday life. The thought of seeing a GP or other professional is very daunting for me as I don't know what to expect and have never really done so before!

In terms of things I do to distract myself, I love sport so usually distract myself with that in which i used to really love playing a team sport I still do I train hard etc – although come game day and a poor performance I beat myself up a lot and am known by coaches and players to be harshly hard on myself which can obviously be less enjoyable!

[anon233]

Thanks so much for your very kind and heart felt response, really appreciate it!

[smallwolf]

Anon233,

Outside of checking in with a GP there are a few thread you can look for here...

• Mindfulness: What Is It? (Even if you dont know please ... - Beyondblue
• Grounding yourself, What is it and how do you? - Beyondblue

Other Pages

• Relaxation exercises - Beyondblue

But in relation to seeing GP, while everyone's case is unique, and the nervousness I might have felt before speaking to the GP, it was actually the best thing I did. My GP asked questions, listened, and then found a psychologist for me to see. It helped to explain all the negative thoughts I had. I know that it might seem daunting, and I can understand that. And I am not trying to pressure you to do something that you don't want to do either. The only thing I am trying to do is to reassure you there should be nothing to worry about.

(I should point out that before I saw my GP regarding depression and anxiety issues, I had been seeing her for other matters for about a year, so there was already a doctor/patient relationship.)

If you have any questions, please let me know.

Tim

[anon233]

Thank you for taking the time to reply - ill be sure to check out those pages!

- and in relation to seeing a GP thank you for you reassurance, I actually don't have a regular dr at the moment which probably doesn't really help! and how did you build up the courage to talk about your thoughts and did you feel scared - I just do for whatever reason as I have never really spoke about my feelings!

[smallwolf]

Honestly for me, the visit to the GP was "similar" to any other consultation. I had the fill out a form which gave the doctor a score. It would be similar to K10 test here at BeyondBlue. Then my GP asked me if there was any family history. And what the symptoms were that I had. In my case, it was racing heart, lump in throat etc. But you asked about courage... after my wife and kids left for school/work and I had the place to myself (I worked from home) the sinking feeling that I had the night before returned with a vengeance. I knew I could not call my wife (because of where she works) so I called my own mother. I was sitting on the stairs near the front door, crying (initially) and then later composed myself. In that conversation I found out that my dad had been on antidepressants since the mid 90s. And it was she who reinforced the idea of going to a GP. The only time so far that I was scared was when I speaking to a psychologist about suicide, when she asked me a question that I did not want to answer.

Hope that helps. (What a bright and cheerful story)

Tim