hard to go to my dad's house

[uhhhhhh]

hi people on here are helpful so..

my parents are divorced, they had a pretty tough breakup they were both alcoholics at the time and there was alot of physical abuse from what I can remember coming from mainly my dad, but my mum was also quite verbally abusive. They divorced in 2016 and I've been going to my dad's house every Wednesday after school and every second weekend. that schedule lasted until around when lockdown started, my little brother and I didn't go to our dad's as much since we were doing online school and it was just easier doing schooling at my mum's place with all my school books and stuff there. i was still going but it was more like one weekend each month or something like that.

it's the school holidays now and I feel really guilty for missing out on all that time I could've been at his place seeing as he lives with his girlfriend but she works alot of the time and I felt bad because he might of been feeling really lonely? whenever I go to his place now I feel like I'm not supposed to be there or like I'm interrupting something or in the way? i feel like I'm not wanted at all at my dad's place and that they both secretly hate me and that I'm an inconvenience. i know he thinks we don't like him anymore but I really want to go but everytime I go I feel really guilty about even being related to my mum because I'm being unloyal or that I'm exactly like my mum? they still don't have the best relationship. i hope this makes sense and I'm writing this as I'm procrastinating walking to my dad's so if anyone can help in any way or even someone else who's going through the same thing can relate or?

thank you

[uhhhhhh]

i know it was a bit long and didn't make sense at all I'm sorry, I was just really stressing out and I really needed to vent somehow.

[Doolhof]

Hi uhhhhhh,

Thanks for sharing your situation with us all. I am sure there are lots of people who can understand your thoughts and feelings around going to your Dad's.

Is it possible for you to talk with your Dad about how you are feeling? Would you feel comfortable writing out some questions you want to ask him and his girlfriend, or maybe even showing them what you have written here.

Talking about stuff might seem awkward and confronting. The conversation may not come easy, but hopefully in the long run it will clear the air.

Hopefully you can acknowledge that yes you are a child of both parents yet you are still yourself. You have your own set of values, beliefs, ideas and thoughts about life.

When you are at your Dad's place, is there anything special you could do together to help build on your relationship?

This is a safe place to share your thoughts and how you are feeling. We all have doubts, fears and concerns in life. Sharing helps to gain greater insight and understanding.

Cheers from Dools

[Matchy69]

Hi I just want to put a parents possible view point.I got divorced probably around the same time as your parents did.I have court I have my two kids on weekends.So I pick them up every Friday from school and drop them back Monday .As a parent in this situation I find that when I have them I want to make the most of the time together.I want them want to come and stay with me and not something forced for them,this would not be good for anybody's mental health.I try to keep a similar routine with my kids that their mother has where practicable.It is a very hard thing for a parent to go through as well being only in their lives part of the time.Whats best for the child must be the main priority of both parents.It is not a contest to be more liked then the other one unfortunately this happens frequently.
I hope these words from a divorced father helps.
Take care,
Mark