Happiness making me sad

[j-a-p]

My dad passed away from cancer in 2012, being a dad to five and my dad it has been super hard. My mum obviously had to deal with this with little support but after 5 years of being alone she’s moved on, coincidentally i have only just started to realise the loss, i can’t remember his face anymore.

My mums happiness is important to me but somehow this all makes me so upset and i’ve only ever had an anxiety attack once but i think it’s happening again, obviously i want to be happy and also want my mum to be happy.

I should also add that my mums relationships have already pushed 2 kids to leave, one is only 10 and i’m not sure if she’s going to come back.

I don’t want to leave but i think that’s the only thing that is going to make me happy again but i also don’t want to because i’m only 15 and i don’t know how to deal with anything on my own.

Has anyone else felt upset because of someone else happiness before? I feel like a shitty person but i feel shitty.

[MissBenthos]

Hi jap,

I totally get it, you're not a shitty person for having these feelings. We can't control how we feel.

Have you tried talking to your mum? You don't need to tell her everything, it could be as simple as letting her know that you've been feeling down lately and you'd find it beneficial to see a doctor/councillor about it.

You can get some great advice from counselling. Maybe you have a school councillor you can speak with?

If that's not an option for you, there are other things you can try. For example, explaining what you've written here to your mum, depending on your relationship with her and if that's something you're comfortable with. She might understand how you feel and help you out.

There are also many help phone lines you can ring to have a chat with - you don't need to be in a crisis to call them, many people who ring are just having a bad day and need a little pick-me-up. So don't ever feel like you're not "sick" enough to call these.

It sounds like you're going through a pretty tough time, I really hope you start feeling better soon because you deserve to be happy as well!

[BballJ]

Hi j-a-p,

Firstly, welcome to the forums. I am sorry about the loss of your father, that is always hard to handle but well done for posting your story and reaching out for help.

The fact you are putting other peoples happiness above your own speaks about the person you are. I know it is not easy and it sounds like you haven't fully dealt with the passing of your dad in your own way. Is there a possibility you can speak with your mum about taking you to a doctor and maybe getting to speak to a psychologist? They could help you understand how you are feeling and help you accept what has happened whilst also helping your mum and family out with how they are feeling. You are trying to be strong for everyone and that is commendable but you also need to make sure you are ok as well.

Please, post back as much as you like, we are always happy to talk.

My best for you and your family,

Jay

[MsPurple]

Hi j-a-p and welcome to the forums.

Sounds like you are in a sticky situation. Wanting to be happy for your mum but not being happy yourself. You shouldn't have to sacrifise your happiness for your mum. I'm not sure of the exact details, but if your 10 year old sister left then I am guessing it isn't great.

MissBenthos has given some great advice. I think maybe talking to someone about this would be a good idea. You say you are 15. There is a youth mental health service called Headspace. They see youth for various reason including family problems, housing problems, mental illness, stresss etc. I went there for my anxiety and I felt really comfortable. Maybe look them up and see if there is one near you. Give them a call. If that doesn't sound your style they have an online service called eheadspace. You can talk to someone there.

Hope this is helpful.