ummmmm I'm new to this so I'm not really sure what i'm doing.... I guess ive come here because maybe someone out there can relate and I wont feel like an idiot when I explain it. (I have a psychologist and she is great I just feel like a loon sometimes).
So basically, what I've been telling myself is that I feel the grief of all those lives before me I have lived caught up with me at present, like every lover, mother, father, son, daughter and friend I have ever had in past lives and the grief of losing them has struck me now. I guess it is just my own little fantasy for explaining how I feel.
In short, I feel this intense grief and sadness inside me that I personally feel is unwarranted, the only family member I have had die is my nan, and she died when I was younger so I did not know her too well.
I personally struggle with other things including depression, anxiety, family issue (father with multiple mental disabilities, borderline personality disorder, manic depression, bipolar, learning disabilities etc. who does not live with me) who has used me as an emotional punching bad, possible sexual abuse when I was younger, mother and pop (one of my best friends) struggling with grief and depression, I am more emotionally mature than those my age (high school) so I often feel disconnected, like a 10 year old going to kindergarten and a thirst to travel and make a life for myself filled with mystery and adventure that at times seems to just weigh me down.
I crave love and passion and thrill and I seem to be stuck in the mill of highschool, day in day out doing the same thing talking to the same people
Sometimes I cry myself to sleep, sometimes I have horrible dreams about family members dying.
I am grieving people who are not yet gone, sometimes I think of my mum or pop an cry at the thought of having to live a life without them.
idk I just needed to rant somewhere, to whomever reads this/ or reads this far,
thankyou, and do you ever feel the same way, did you ever feel this way, how did you cope with it?
