Graduating from School, Miserable time

[Liam007]

My graduation is coming up in about 3 weeks and I don't want to go.

It's a been back and forth situation for the last few months but I'm pretty much settled on this option, I can't think of a single good reason to go.

I'm just alone all the time, I try to sit next to some of my "friends" but they find excuses "I'm saving this seat" and "I'm going over there". I don't invited to parties but they pretend to care when I don't want to do stuff like formals. I feel like I have to take on new personas to come close to being normal

 I hate myself and feel like such a useless person, I'm not thinking of self harm or anything but still.

[romantic_thi3f]

Hi Liam,

Thanks for posting to BeyondBlue.

I'm sorry you don't want to go to grad.  I get how hard it can be sometimes when friends say stuff like that and how lonely it can be.  But I also want to remind you that you only get one grad.  When it's over, it's over.  I never really wanted to go to my high school grad but I'm glad I did now because all my friends went off and did their own thing and I lost touch with a lot of them.  So if you didn't go, do you think you'd regret it?

One thing that might make it easier to go is to pre-plan a little bit.  Maybe you could meet up with a mate beforehand, and then it won't be so awkward.  Either that or you might want to plan who you'll hang out with or sit next to.  Friends who keep ignoring you don't sound like great friends in my opinion. 🙂  But none of that makes you useless.

Hang in there, and remember it's only a few hours.  I know that it's tough - but breathe through it, chat with a few people and it will be over so fast.

Take care

[Narniakid]

Hey Liam, thanks for posting.

Graduation is an awkward time because it marks the end of an era and potentially the end of your class friendships. People cope with it in all different ways, one of them is by shutting friends out slowly. It's not ideal, but at the end of the day, you are only responsible for your own actions. 

Perhaps talk to your friends about how you are feeling and let them you would like to continue the friendship after graduation. Try not to get too down about it because as romantic_thi3f said, you only get one graduation, and I'm glad I decided to go to mine after months of planning not to.

Crystal

[morgs29]

Hi Liam007,

Thanks for reaching out to us over here. I'm sorry to hear your friends seem to be treating you in a way that hurts you. I can closely relate to your situation. I had a really hard time at school as well and felt highly uncomfortable at school formals and that sort of thing. Life can get pretty tough when you feel alone in the school environment and you don't feel like you have any one to talk to or connect with.

I see some of the other suggestions have been to attend your graduation, and I completely understand where they are coming from too. But, in the end, the decision is up to you. Is there one person in your year level you feel safe around? When you step back from what's happening right now, do you want to go to your graduation? I think it speaks volumes that you've gotten to the end of this era and you are graduating. Well done to you! It's a seriously big deal! Whether you choose to go or not, remember that you have been through a lot to get to this place and this is something to feel proud of.

Remember that 'your people' exist, it's just a matter of finding them. I know some days this feels impossible, but just keep hope. There is a great quote I love, which is "eventually soul mates meet, for they have the same hiding place."

You are unique and worth so much in your own way. I believe it's a matter of discovering the things about yourself that YOU like, first. There is only one of you in the entirety of the universe. I think that's pretty special.

Take care,

Morgan

[Liam007]

I confessed to some people I'm not doing it today. They seemed to respond well but I know there will be a backlash from others.

[pockets4health]

Hey Liam007,

Thanks for reaching out. There's a quote that I like which is "those that mind don't matter and those that matter, don't mind". If you really don't want to go to your graduation then the people that matter will understand and what ever backlash their might be, it will blow over. Just make sure that you are not going for the right reasons. No regrets. Regardless of whether you go or not, Congratulations! You did it! You have come a long way.

I'm sorry that you feel you have to be someone else amongst your classmates, that you can't be who you are. You don't need to change for anyone. There are very few people who consider high school the best time of their life, for the most of us it is just something we have to get through. A rite of passage, sometimes you make friends for life, other times it's just a stepping stone to get you to the people and the places that are truly yours. I hope that you can find some solace in that. 

Regardless of your classmates, there will always be a place for you here Liam.

V

[triptych]

Hi Liam,
It's been a long time since I graduated, but so much of what you said resonated with me. I hope you don't mind me chipping in. As most have said, the decision is yours, but I want to share my story.

My time at high school was not fun, but I had a few close friends, and we found happiness in our own ways.

I want to let you know that I made the same decision as you are considering. I did not attend my graduation, nor did I attend my formal.  Everyone at the time said I was mad, that I would regret it, but you know what? I didn't, and still don't. My friends and I celebrated the end of that chapter in our own way, and we had a great time. I still think back on that night and smile.

Years went by and the time came for school reunion. Yep, you guessed it, I gave that a wide berth too.  And so did almost everyone else from my graduating class from what I hear. Noone was calling me mad then, or saying I would regret it. 

I've kept contact with most of those close friends in one way or another over the years, And I made new friends in my new post-school life who had no idea about who I was in those dark unhappy times.  What seemed so horrible back then is only a distant memory now... but I still have tonnes of great memories of the great times I did have back then.

And you Liam, still have a lifetime of happy memories to make.   Whatever you decide to do in the end, make sure you have a great time, and make the memories good ones.

Enjoy!

[Mr_Random]

I am not sure whether to go to the school formal or not. I think if i cannot get a date to go with it will be humiliating because that is kind of the point of it. I feel unattractive and completely unlikeable so I think finding a date is unlikely

[justdoit100]

Feel free to go without a date, I know so many people who went to formals without dates! Please don't think that the point of school formal is to go with a date; it is just a night where the whole cohort reunites and enjoys the free time together, without the stress of school. If you want to eat, dance, take photos and meet new people then I think you should go!