I don't know what to do.. It's been 5 days of crying... Nothing is helping

coco1691 · ‎01-11-2015

I;m 24 at the present time and i live with my parents and partner.He said as soon as he gets a job we are moving out.I am so close to my mum, i haven't spent more than 5 days away from her and cant fathom the thought of not being in arms reach anymore.I don't want to move out and do not want to grow up.I've fallen into depression badly. It's hard to get up in the morning, all i think about is moving out and how i'm going to Cope. I don't see a way to help this purely because i don't want to move out.I don't think ill ever be ready to.I am scared of not having my mum in arms reach anymore. Ill be in the same town and she said i can visit everyday and she will stay one night with me per week and i can stay home one night per week too.But i still can't get over how much i don't want to leave.We have even put transition periods in place for when it does happen.I still can't accept it. I am afraid of such things as: - Not wanting to see my mum much after a while.- Not needing her anymore.- Not wanting to spend time with her or my nan anymore- Not putting in the effort to come around.- Losing her.- Losing our bond.- Losing our closeness. ( i crawled into bed with her the other night even because she was upset and it was fine).- Growing up and realizing im an adult.- Her not wanting to be as close to me anymore.- Not spending as much time together as we are now.- My place not feeling like home.- Not feeling safe there when i have a panic attack.- Just not being okay.- My family are my WHOLE LIFE. I don;t want them to not be. I feel like im leaving my nan and mum like im losing them. Im an absolute wreck shaking and crying all the time. Barely eating due to feeling sick and im underweight due to anorexia and gastritus. I can't get into my psychiatrist till the end of next month. My family are my entire life. Please tell me it gets easier and the things i'm concerned about are silly and wont happen. I'm begging for help cause im dragging my mum, nan and partner down by the way im acting. They tell me to worry about it when it happens but i just cant get it out of my head. I've also been spending a lot more time with my mum and nan now that i know im moving out in the next year. I Don't know if thats my OCD or not. I guess it is considering I was fine not too long ago and didn't worry about when mum came home and now i watch the clock like a hawk waiting for her. I feel like im losing everything and its all going to change. None of us will be as close. Please help

gld · ‎02-11-2015

Thank you for opening up and sharing your feelings about being anxiousness.

We all have different degrees of feeling this way and it seems to me you have a deep understanding of how you feel. You have mentioned some things you are putting in place to make the transition from home and creating more independance. This will help your new path or as i like to think of it a new adventure that brings new challenges. One of my most favourite quotes, "FEEL THE FEAR AND DO IT ANYWAY".

I have moved out of home along time ago and i have still got a close bond with my mum and family. The most important thing to remember is life constantly changes and can not be controlled. My mum and myself still have a closeness that can not be taken away by anyone or anything.

The best thing about your post is that you know how you are feeling, taking ownership for your feelings and are putting strategies in place to improve your well being. Keep being open with your loved ones and seeking help to develop your growth.

All the best for the future and it seems to me you are creating new adventures.

geoff · ‎02-11-2015

dear Coco, thanks for posting your comment, and thanks to Gld for replying back to you.

As we grow older the relationship between us ( the child )and our parents can be very close, while some leave at an early age, some stay until it's time to leave and some are very attached to their parents and can't stand the thought of not being with them, everyone is different, but with you Coco there seems to be two problems here, and I'm no psychologist but suffer from OCD as well.

Please these are no diagnosis, however you have anorexia and this can be related to OCD, but also you have a fear of leaving home and starting up with your partner, because it's a whole new world, but you aren't going to lose your mum, she will still be there when you ring her, so can I suggest that see someone who deals in desensitisation, or perhaps you could try it with your partner and/or mum.

If you google it, it will explain on how it works, in other words, it slowly progress's you to leave the house when you feel comfortable, and if you need help I suggest you contact either your doctor or the BB phone number. Geoff.

Neil_1 · ‎02-11-2015

Dear coco

Firstly, welcome to Beyond Blue and thank you for providing your post.

Secondly can I just say, what an absolutely phenomenal relationship you have with your family (and in particular, your mum and nan); that is just so beautiful.

Moving out of home can be a scary thing – because it’s the step into the great unknown – but at some stage, pretty much we’ve all gotta do it; though I know of one family where the son is still home and his Mum still looks after him; he’s well into his 50’s and his mum is well into her 70’s; now that’s one weird situation, I believe.

But back to you – just because you’re going to be moving out, it will not detract, take away, diminish one bit, the love, the affection and the relationship that you share and enjoy with your mum. When I moved out, I found the times when I went back to visit home (some 30 odd years ago), made it far more special and enjoyable. You get to commence on your own path and live your own experiences and by all means, you can then share those with your mum.

I also like the part where you’ve both stated that ‘sleep overs’ can happen – that’s a very sensible and good suggestion.

May I ask though – just on a different side of things; how would you feel if your partner moved out and you stayed home? I mean, do you have a great relationship with your partner? Would that be possibly devastating for you? I’m sensing that it would, as your partner seems to be someone who you care a lot about. And just let me say that he won’t take the place of your Mum – you can only ever have one Mum and you are truly gifted that you’ve got this wonderful and amazing relationship and she will know this also.

One last question – what are your Mum’s thoughts on you possibly moving out?

Would love to hear back from you.

Neil

coco1691 · ‎02-11-2015

Yes. He would not like it too much. He understands im having trouble but said he can only understand for so long.. whats worse and possibly the most devastating thing is that he has plans to become a policeman in 2 years... we will be put anywhere on the state.. I know I cant live without my family being so close but I feel if I say no to him like I did the army it will be the last straw. He left his family in w.a. to be woth me and he misses them but isnt as close as I am. Hes not that family oriented. we r in nsw. He has been without a job fo 5 years because theres no work here. Hes depressed too and needs to work. But I cant see a solution ive asked him to look at careers in the past but therea nothing he wants apart from policing... I cant work due to anxiety. My mum wants me to move out and be independant so she knows if anything happens ill be okay. But if anything did happen id die too.. i couldnt live without her..

coco1691 · ‎02-11-2015

I can try that but I dont know how ill do it. I did house sit with my partner for 3 months and hated every minute of it. But we went back every 2nd day. We were only there for a night each time. I dont know a psychologist who would know anything about it as its hard to find one as it is. I have one that I dont connect with atm..

coco1691 · ‎02-11-2015

Thankyou but I see this as nothing but sadness. I hate change and dont like travelling or adventures.

Ellie05 · ‎04-11-2015

Hi Coco1691

If it makes you feel any better I moved out of home about 7 years ago and am just as close to my mum as ever. I always thought I'd grow up and no longer need her as much but that's not the case at all. You always need the love and support of those close to you no matter how old you get.

I know change can be terrifying, especially when it means you having to be more independent. They way I would see it is you can always move back in with your mum if things go pear shaped. Why not give moving out a go and if after a few weeks you're simply not coping then talk to your partner about it. The first few weeks in a new place always leave you feeling a bit unsettled but after a while it gets better.

coco1691 · ‎04-11-2015

I will try and move out for my mums sake. She wants and needs the space. She has to cope with my dad too who also has severe depression. We often fight because she gets really frustrated and over it all. I don't blame her. I Just worry eventually i wont want to see her often. I don't trust myself. I used to be at my nans everyday that i could when i was little and now ill see her once a week sometimes not even that. Yet shes only 5 mins away... I just dont make the effort and i should.

coco1691 · ‎04-11-2015

I was taken to emergency yesterday because i just broke down at singing lessons. My teacher cancelled her next student and sat and talked with me. She said i have a lot of things going on in my head that other people wont understand and that i cant control. Its like a ball of yarn tangled. I cant knit till i get it untangled. One thing she said i have is separation anxiety. Which sounds about it. I worry im being disrespectful or im wasting time before my mums gone if im not with her 24/7. So the emergency did nothing. checked my weight which is down further now to 45.9 kilos and im 173cms. Sent me home saying they are going to call me until my appointment with my psychiatrist which is the 10th. I came home and my partner yelled at me for going to emergency saying " you dont take the help you get and dont listen to anyone so why bother". I cant help it. He also said if i dont get over it by next week hes leaving.. I dont blme him. But im also really angry at him because i cant help control myself and i wish he understood. Not only this but him wanting to be a cop will put us anywhere in nsw. The deal was, we stay with my nan and pop till they are gone THEN move to w.a. where his family is. If im out of reach how is this fair? I understand his need for a job but its just so unfair..