Going to a guys house for the first time.

[Kathryn456]

So I'm currently freaking out over the fact that I'm about to go to a guys house who I've been talking to for a few weeks but this is only the second time I'll be physically be seeing him. I'm really scared that he's going to expect us to do stuff and I'm really scared to tell him I've never had sex before or done anything really. My anxiety makes it so much harder for me to be myself and chill around him. It being such a new situation for me I don't know what to do so any advice would be really great!

[JessF]

Hello Kathryn, welcome. It can be very easy to jump into situations when we've just met someone. It sounds to me like you're very anxious about going to this guy's house on your second meeting. You feel that being invited to his house perhaps means that something physical is on the cards and this is something you haven't discussed with him. Is this something you even want or are ready for at this point?

I'm quite a bit older than you, so it may be just my perspective, but if it were me, and I were feeling like you, I wouldn't be going round to his house just yet. One date isn't enough.

I think it's very important that you don't do anything you're not ready for doing. There's a difference between nervousness and excitement, and 'freaking out' anxiety. Sometimes we need to listen to our gut because it's telling us something very important: yours may be telling you, this doesn't feel right.

What would make you less nervous about this situation, Kathryn? Could you imagine what would have to happen before you felt completely comfortable about going around to his house?

[Kathryn456]

Thankyou so much Jess for your advice,

I don't think that I'm anxious as such to go to his house, it's more me trying to build up the courage to tell him that I haven't done anything before and that I don't really know what he's expecting; I also don't know how he's going to react. I know I would be confident enough to stop anything I wasn't ready to do. I feel comfortable enough to go to his house as we've been talking for quite a while it's just having that face to face conversation which giving me a pit in my stomach

[JessF]

Ah I see, so it wouldn't matter where the conversation was, you would still feel nervous?

I have found that the quickest way to clear up any misunderstandings is just to ask. Yes, I know how hard that can be! And awkward, potentially. But if you clear away the elephant in the room, you will be able to relax and just enjoy the time together. If you are both attracted to each other, then it's a conversation that will need to happen at some point.

What's the worst possible outcome if you bring this up with him?

[Kathryn456]

Thankyou so much Jess for your help. I just got home from seeing him and spoke to him about the whole thing and he said that the whole thing was fine and he wasn't expecting anything.

I have to admit though I was anxious the whole time and felt my heart beating so hard in my chest I'm suprised he couldn't hear it. After tonight I think I'll be more comfortable to see him and be completely myself without the extra anxiety so again I thankyou for your advice.

[HamSolo01]

Hey there

Just read through this post and was inspired to hear how you were cautious yet still managed to overcome the anxiety of the face to face communication.

It proves to me that it can be done. Owning your decisions and standing up for yourself takes guts so props to you. And hey, it makes people attractive haha so i imagine this guy woulda respected it 🙂

And dont be too nervous about not having done anything physical. There's an expectation that society puts on us as young people that we have to have done certain "things" by a certain age. As a 23 year old guy who has never done anything at all.. zip... zilch...nothing haha i can say that the pressure is perhaps stronger as one gets older. But i think at the end of the day its my life, its my body and its my choice. The same for you. The same for everyone. Sexual politics bores me too. I think that stuff ought to stay in the safety of a relationship. Thats my personal belief and it may not be popular but hey.. neither is having depression/anxiety though right?

Respect to you though 🙂 I hope it works out 🙂

[JessF]

Kathryn that's great news. Thank you for coming back and filling us in.