Going through highschool with mild autism

[Iamsky]

Hi everyone,

I am 13 and have started highschool earlier this year. I have found it really hard to cope and fidgets don't help. I'm not able to leave the room during class and running is something that helps me regulate. WHY DID MY AUTOCORRECT SAY RENGOKU I LIVE FOR HIM

Any ways could you leave coping strategies below

-Sky

[white knight]

Hi Sky,

Wow, you have so much courage posting in even though this site in anonymous its really good to hear from you as your post could help other young people that might be scared of posting.

I'm an old guy, 70yo and have bipolar and other stuff. I was told but not officially diagnosed that I'm likely High Functioning Autistic. After 67 years of wondering why I am the way I am I finally found that out about the autism, the other stuff I found out at 53yo. So, you can imagine going 53 years of your life not knowing the real reasons for my own behaviour.

Coping with illnesses needs a special unique approach to life more than most things. Some strategies are easy, others take time so try to be patient.

1. The most important coping strategy you might not have thought about is your own acceptance. Sounds funny hey? But this entails you not comparing yourself to other so called "normal people". Humans all have their issues and many of your class friends likely have their own issues if not now they will in adulthood. I used to have thick hair when at school and was teased now those that teased me are all bald lol. So autism is part of you and there's little you can do about that so there's a saying "dont worry about the things you cannot change"

2. I've had lack of focus all my life. I used to stare out the window at school and miss what the lesson was about. Even though sometimes I'd get in trouble I never failed my tests/exams why? because mental illness while it has negatives it also have positives and one of those positives is being clever. For example- in my teenage years I could design my own model airplane and fly it- I would defy the traditional means of building it. People would say "how does that fly"? So, embrace your uniqueness, find out what you are good at that others arent and use that as a balance from your negatives like fidgeting, some abilities are great, some issues are annoying. 

3.  Write down what can help you cope in class. Take that list to your school counsellor for discussion. Eg you might put "If I can be distracted from my fidgeting by walking out of class and walking to the end of the corridor then returning within a few minutes can I do that"? Or can I put my hands on my head so my fingers dont fidget"? and so on. 

4.  Realise how valuable you are. What does this mean Sky? Well valuing yourself is liking even loving yourself warts and all. It isnt as extreme as being arrogant which is a negative. If you value yourself, your standards, your character, your abilities etc but you dont focus very long on your negatives then you will end up your own best friend then- people will value you! Because you'll be confident. If you focus on the chewing gum wrapper flowing down a stream you'll miss the fish swimming under the water surface. If you focus on something out of your control like fidgeting you'll miss the opportunity to write a little note to your best friend telling them how good a friend they are. If you focus on an overgrown bush and how the owner hasnt trimmed it you'll miss the wonder of the bee collecting nectar... understand?

You are unique, you are wonderful, you are amazing... I know that yet I have never met you...

I hope that helps. Reply and chat anytime I'm here daily

TonyWK

[trying_my_best]

Hi @Iamsky!

I don’t have autism but I do have ADHD, and I can relate. I went through high school undiagnosed and I do feel not being able to access the correct supports did hinder me. Have you considered reaching out to your parents and/or a school counsellor to see if you can get running out into a support plan? 

Since my diagnosis, having a support plan that outlines these things has been very handy for me in my university studies. 

Wishing you the best 🫶

[therising]

Hi Sky

I think it's important to consider two things, 1)how does my brain or that computer/processor up there in my head work and 2)what's in my nature? Both of these things can help explain a lot of the challenges you might be facing. So, instead of thinking at times 'What's wrong with me?', it can be more helpful to consider 'Why does my brain struggle to compute/process this?' or 'How does this particular thing/situation/belief/environment go against my nature?'. 

School's definitely not designed to accommodate the nature of some truly brilliant people. While primary school may be geared toward accommodating that nature, secondary school can be a whole different story. In secondary school the workload is greater, the subjects are more complex, there can be less teaching through the imagination and more textbook kind of teaching, there can be less breaks (with which to let out excess energy), the lessons can go for longer and the list goes on. While my 20yo son (diagnosed with level 1 autism) didn't struggle a lot in primary school, he definitely struggled in secondary school. For a start, he found some of the teaching styles of certain teachers boring, unengaging and unimaginative. Looking out the window or studying a fly on the wall was far more fascinating. Can't say I blame him.

Not sure if you're much of a daydreamer but if you have the natural and incredible ability to zone into a daydreaming highly imaginative state in the blink of an eye, this is something that needs serious management and mastery. Constantly zoning out of reality to focus on whatever it is we love daydreaming about means focus is constantly being shifted away from what is being taught in school. The incredible ability to zone out so easily can get in the way of learning. 

With the fidgeting aspect, it's frustrating. You know exactly what helps you vent excess energy but can't use that strategy all that much at school (running it out). And while drumming your fingers on your desk or tapping your pen on the desk might work or humming or rocking may work, it'll tend to trigger other people. So, what to do? Maybe non audible sighs/long outward breaths may work to vent it. Maybe some other quite movements under the desk may work. Perhaps something entirely different may work. I smile when I say fidget toys never worked for my son while they'd draw his attention away from learning. He'd find the device far more fascinating.