Finding it hard to make friends at school..

[Fiaaa]

Hi everyone 🙂 I’m new to this forum & don’t usually spend much of my time on forums, but I thought I’d give it a try and see what happens.

I’ve been having a lot of difficulty feeling secure and confident in myself when it comes to making new friends. I’m in year 11 and have been lucky enough to have the same friend group all through high school. But I really want to make some new friends. Everyone in my small circle has their own close friends as well, outside our circle, but I don’t.

At the start of this year I promised myself to make new friends this year. But I’m finding it really hard.

It’s mainly the feeling of rejection that scares me, and feeling unwanted / like someone I approach won’t like me. I feel like it shouldn’t be this hard to make new friends. This has made it really hard for me to feel comfortable in class.

It’s become so bad that I’ll skip class because it scares me so much.

Has anybody else felt like this? Is there anything I can do to help myself?

Thank you in advance!

PS. I don’t do any sports or other hobbies outside of school, and part of me wants to pick something up but the other part of me wants to keep my schedule clear for studying.
I’m not apart of any clubs or groups, but if I were to join I wouldn’t know where to look!

[Unbeliever]

You are pretty much repeating my high school life. Ugh... not my favorite memories.

During my lunchbreaks I would wander between all of the groups my single friend within each of them hung out in, before wandering onto the next one another single friend in a large group hung out with and so on and so on. This was basically how my "friend circle" worked my entire school life.

None of them were really good friends with any of my other friends. And in their group I really only got along with them and no-one else they were friends with.

Anyway, late high school sucks for making new friends. Pretty much everyone is "locked in" to the groups of people they are friends with by that point... and very little shifts around.

There are the occasional options of new kids that come to school that year, perhaps foreign exchange students or something. But otherwise it is way too difficult to "elbow your way into" new groups in your school by that point.

Which basically only really leaves 1 other option, which has already occurred to you. That is to look outside of school for potential friends.

I don't know which state you are in, but in my state the local libraries have many groups doing many different things. Some of which might be of interest to you. Many of them run outside of school hours because they are designed for school kids... and depending on which library you go to, there is a good chance that they are people that don't go to your school. Many of these are free and not overly time consuming.

However, the most interesting ones I have found are "one on one conversational" interactions. This is basically an appointment between you and 1 other person (inside of the library) and is basically just talking for between 30 minutes to an hour about whatever you want (no expectations, nothing intense. Just casual conversation).

There are 2 types of these. One is with aged people... which I'm guessing you would not be overly interested in.

The other is with people from overseas studying in Aus. They speak English but need to practice conversational English with locals to improve. So casual talking is required. You learn about their culture, their country and they are super keen to talk with you because it helps them. They also have limited Australian friends yet, so if you get along you can organise conversations with them again in the library.. and if you both click over time. Potential new friend.

It's a safe way to meet interesting new people who are very different...

[sunnyl20]

Hi Fiaaa,

Welcome to the forums. Thank you for your post. Apologies it has taken a while for a response to come through!

You are definitely not alone in what you are experiencing - high school can be a particularly difficult time in trying to develop friendships, especially when you are not feeling confident in yourself. I hear you, it can feel really difficult and lonely, and even pretty hopeless sometimes. It does take time and effort, and it might feel uncomfortable, but it is definitely possible. This might seem an odd question, but what is the worst that could happen? Someone is not interested and doesn't want to hang out? People have different interests, different personalities, there will always be people you click with and others you just don't get along with as much. This is not necessarily a bad thing, it is just the nature of human connections and relationships that there will be people you are much more attracted to (socially/emotionally/mentally) and likely to feel a connection to. Obviously bullying and nasty behaviour is completely different and if this is something you are experiencing, I would really encourage you to talk to an adult that you trust about what is happening.

Also, while it is really important to have time for studying, having creative outlets and other activities (music, sport, art, drama or whatever you enjoy) in year 11 and 12 is just as important in terms of having that down time, having something to look forward to and can be a good stress reliever. Plus it can give a bit more structure to your timetable so you are not just spending endless amounts of time studying - it sort of forces you to be more efficient with your study time. Would you consider joining a local sports team? Or you could join a choir? Volunteering is another great way to meet like-minded people and it can be flexible in terms of time commitment.

Please do not hesitate to reach out again if and when you feel up to it. We are here to listen. Take care.