I am 22 and during Grade 8 I made friends with this girl Thea* who was new at my school. Really what prompted this was that my friend had grown close to this new girl and her friend Anna* (also new) and so I started spending time with these girls daily. After several years, Thea*, Anna* and I were really close and slowly our circle of friends included some other people. By Year 10, Thea was spending weekends at my house regularly or out as a group, so I felt really secure in our friendship. I felt like I could really trust her, which for a kid who was being emotionally abused and dealing with abandonment at home was so defining for me. In senior school, my family situation got worse, so I was more anxious and more emotional. I could feel her beginning to distance herself from me; but being desperate for support, I didn't know what to do. Anna and I were still friends, though not as close, but with the introduction of the new girl Danielle*, Thea basically began ignoring us completely. My child-like response was to tell her that she no longer had to be friends with me, if she didn't want to be. Which only lead to her disliking me more. I would come to school and see Danielle and Thea openly talking about me unaware I was present. I would be told by my other friends how they would interrupt prefect meetings to discuss me. They even told my teacher I was being controlling and her intervene and hold a meeting. By the end of school, I assumed we would go a separate ways, we got into the same university and after a year our friendship was well and truly dead.
The difficult part now is that it still plagues me. I know it's over and while that saddens me I can accept that, but it was the abandonment it left me with and the scars of being manipulated and bullied so badly. I've spent a long time asking, "Why? What did I do as your friend for five years to be basically pushed aside for someone new?" I have blamed myself as she still happily sees Danielle but not any of the people she was closed to. I don't have to see her anymore, except for the annual class catch-up dinners I hold. But I am still finding it hard to move on from because it impacted me deeply. It lead to me questioning people's intention a lot more and whether they genuinely want to be my friends, as silly as it sounds. I just want to be able to face her confidently and not feel like less.
I am really hoping this doesn't sound ridiculous. Thank you.
* names changed for security reasons.
