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feeling left behind & lonely
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At 18 years old, i applied for teaching degree, second year into the degree i knew it wasn’t for me. I wanted to change my degree into nutrition, a passion i had developed from the age of 19. my parents pressured me into staying into that degree. At 20 years old, i met my partner, i ended up moving into his house and taking on adult/real life responsibilities (paying a mortgage, household utilities, food etc). At the time i was working three jobs and studying teaching. My partner disapproved of one of them as it was night work and i barely saw him, so i handed in my resignation. Then two of my other jobs started giving me no shifts due to no work. I became jobless, in that time i was severely depressed and angry. I finally scored a job as a medical receptionists. I withdrew from teaching, began working at my present job on a part time bases. My work is very demanding, selfish and i believe has given me a lot of anxiety, stress and plays a part in my depression.I hated it and still do, but i still work there? the amount of times I’ve wanted to quit has been endless, but i need money to pay bills.
at 23 i finally decide to apply for my degree in dietetics, Im now 24 turning 25 and I’m only 1/3 of the way through my degree, i now watch people i used to hang with have their proper jobs, travel to exotic places and enjoying their lives, whilst I’m at home doing groundhog day and counting coins to pay bills. i feel very lonely, very upset and i feel i have pushed a lot of good people i had when i was 20-21 away. I feel my only friend is my partner, all i want to do is sleep. i have no energy and i feel so miserable about my life, i try very hard at uni and I’m basically getting average marks. Im so over it living this miserable life, feeling sad and stuck.
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Hi fairywings,
thankyou for the reply to my post and for the very lovely words. In regards to finding a new job, when finding a new job I'm actually end up searching for the career I am currently studying as that's the job I really want. BUT in saying this as I search and find careers that I would love to apply for I actually can't due to not having the qualification. This makes me severely upset and depressed with my life.
i also stress over my grades due to university demands on high marks to be accepted into masters to be qualified. I do put a lot of effort into my studies, but I have noticed I'm very lethargic and tired, my results will come back average and it is very disappointing.
people at university are a lot younger than me and living at home with their parents, so I don't relate to them well or don't go out much as I feel very insecure and very fatigued to do much and socialise. I feel like I am possible sabotaging myself.
i also stress over and have severe anxiety with the amount of years I have left of this degree, I honestly want this career but I feel extremely stuck due to this and this makes me worried I will constantly feel upset, worried, anxious waiting around for my life to start. I end up winding myself so much and I end up an emotional wreck! I end up stressing about how old I am going to be when I start my career and how far behind I am in comparison to others, constantly comparing my life to others.
I don't want too compare but I can't help it, it like my brain secretly wants me to feel trapped and unhappy.
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Thank you for you kind words, I have about 3.5 years left, feels like a life time away though. Counting down the days!
yes most students do get upset due to lack of experience in the field that they want to get a job in, then when graduates apply for jobs the job requires them to have several years of experience. Uni provides you with the background, knowledge for the career you want, but the actual learning happens on the job. This is something students don't always receive. I guess that's the big bad world for us!
Thankyou so much for positivity and kind words
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