Feeling down about lack of experience in relationships

[brookey]

Hey everyone,

Lately I've been really struggling with my self-confidence in relation to how I feel guys must see me as a potential partner. I don’t have a lot of sexual experience and I feel as though I have nothing much to offer guys in that sense. I’d really like some feedback as to what sorts of things someone with a lack of experience might have to offer in a physical relationship. I am aware that I have a lot to offer personality-wise, I'm intelligent and I know that there are guys who find me attractive, but I really am struggling to see what a guy would find appealing/interesting about someone with little sexual experience...

My psychologist suggested that it would be great for me to hear from other people on this, so I'd be really interested in reading people's thoughts on this, if anybody is willing to help out 🙂 

[Indra]

Hi Brookey,

Sometimes this is a little hard to answer as everyone is individual! First and foremost - you shouldn't be stressing to much in living up to an ideal or a "what you should be doing". If you have a loving partner - the physical side is a a sense of discovery for you both - regardless of how much experience you have! Not being crude - but practice also makes perfect!

You can read different advise from a number of places - in the end it comes down to you and what you want! It's all a matter of discovery and you will learn in time - what you like and the same for your partner.

Again don't stress too hard of what your partner wants either - it should be more of an equal thing - as you get older (no, I am not ancient either), sometimes the affection and communication part of a relationship bears far more weight than the physical side.

Good luck in your search!

Indra

[brookey]

Thanks so much for your feedback Indra!

I felt like a bit of a weirdo for posting this, but I think it will be good for me to hear the perspectives of other people instead of me getting trapped inside my own thoughts that get me down about this 🙂

I am glad to hear that you feel as though the communication and affection part of a relationship becomes more important as you get older. I often feel that a lot of guys who have liked me have only been interested in one thing.... Unfortunately I'm not someone who gets a lot of pleasure from casual hook-ups so sometimes I wonder if there is something wrong with me, but hopefully down the track I will find a guy who is interested in me as a person rather than someone who sees girls as objects  .... 😛

[romantic_thi3f]

Hi Brookey!

Thanks for reaching out again 🙂 I'm glad that you are seeing a psychologist and hope that they are helping!

What's appealing to girls in guys? I'm going to say that this is just as varied as if guys were to ask what's appealing in them.  It's different for everybody. I've known guys who are only focused on physical appearance, where as others just want to be able to hold down a conversation.

I think that honestly the guys that are interested in more than appearance sometimes hide in the shadows - we never hear about them, they don't tend to show their faces on Tinder, but when we find them it makes it worthwhile.  

Think about what you have to offer (which is more than you know).  Even if you were to ignore the fact that it's a guy (romantic relationship) and think about what you have to offer in a friendship - e.g. a great communicator, kind, always remembers birthdays, holds down a conversation, know's a few great pubs.. These are all the same things that make you attractive to a guy.

and remember - the guy that focuses on your little sexual experience is not the guy for you. The guy for you is someone who sees all of you for you.

Hope this helps! 🙂

[ChainedFalcon]

Hi Brookey,

First off I have to say that there is nothing shameful in not having much experience in this area. Personally, I have found myself in a similar frame of mind, especially where I've felt that I have nothing of worth to offer anyone. Being a male who is in his early 30's there tends to be a lot of negativity from peers aimed towards me because of my lack of experience. Over the years I've come to realise that I am who I am and that changing myself for approval is far from worth it. I want to be happy with who I am and remain truthful to myself.

If someone can't appreciate you for who you are, then they themselves are not worth the time or effort. Every person is special and unique and should be treated as such and in a way that is respectful towards them. What I'm really trying to say is be proud in who you are and never let anyone make you feel less of a person because you don't fit their specific standards. 

Stay wonderful 🙂

-CF