Feeling alone

islagreen · ‎09-05-2017

For the past couple of weeks I've been feeling so alone. It sort of started because the two friends I'm closest to out of my 4 friends are a lot closer to each other than they are to me. They tell each other everything, and I find major things out a couple of days or even weeks later because I'm not valued in the group and no one really cares about me. They do things without me and when I confronted them about it they denied hanging out without me on purpose and blamed it on our schedules which doesn't make sense because they don't even know my schedule. It's genuinely getting to me and the more they leave me out the more upset I become and everything they do is adding up. I feel as if I can't talk to anyone because I'm not comfortable talking to them anymore. Whenever I text them they read it and don't reply, even when I know they're active. I know this seems so insignificant but I can't stop crying about it. It was also my birthday today and again this seems so stupid but I compared the posts they made on my Facebook timeline to the posts they made on each other's and mine is around a third long of what they wrote for the other person. It's not like I'm new to the group- I've been best friends with them for longer than they've known each other. I just feel so left out and undervalued all the time, and the one day that is meant for me they leave it until the last minute to wish me a happy birthday when they called each other in the mornings of each other's birthdays. I know this whole post seems petty and irrational but there are so many instances where I've been a backup friend to them and I'm so sick and tired of it. I've even begun to go to the bathroom during class just to cry because I'm so stressed and unhappy and I need to get it all out. Some days are alright and others are terrible, and today was one of the worst. Sorry for the length of this post.

TBella · ‎10-05-2017

Hi & welcome Isagreen

I hear you & I can relate. I remember everyone's birthday but no one remember 's mine except my mum & cousin. It is hurtful, everybody wants to be acknowledged & feel valued & important.

i too use to compare my Facebook responses to others & would get hurt finding things out on Facebook & never hearing from anyone.

i found Facebook to be unhealthy & unhelpful for me, always comparing, feeling left out & everyone else seems so happy. But they're not really. People don't always portray the real person, it portrays the person/ life that person wants to portray to the world- another mask/ place to pretend. I also quickly learnt that not everyone on your friends list is really your friend. This a very fickle & superficial world. It's not always a safe environment to share your heart or be real. That's why I love this forum- it's safe & supportive, you can be the raw real you. Anyway I decided that Facebook was not healthy for me, it didn't make me feel connected, it made me feel disconnected & unacceptable so I deactivated my account 5 years & never looked back- it was the best thing I did. I am not suggesting you deactivate your Facebook- it's a personal choice & everyone's needs are different but just be aware Facebook is not always real/ reality- what you see is not what you always get.

People can be fickle. So if you don't feel included & valued maybe they're not real friends or what I call seasonal friends- only in your life for a season. Maybe it's time to find new friends. I know how painful this can be. I lost all my friends- haven't heard from them in 5-8 years. Don't take it personally & think something wrong with you! It's not about you. It's about them, their shallowness, insecurities, issues. The way people treat you is a reflection on their character not yours. The way we let or allow people to treat us says a lot about how much we value ourselves. The day we learn we are worth more is the day we will stop allowing people to abuse us or treat us like crap!

i demand respect these days & if someone doesn't show respect I walk away. I rather be alone then surrounded by fake friends. I learnt importance of boundaries as well.

I am learning to be my own best friend- treating my self with the same loyalty, kindness I treat my friends with that left me. But I always have me. And you will always have You. You will never leave you so love you, be your own BFF! 😊

YOU ARE WORTH MORE MY FRIEND 😊 WORTH SO MUCH MORE!

Tbella

islagreen · ‎10-05-2017

Thank you Tbella, that really helped me 🙂 I think I'm going to cut back on the time I spend on social media too. Thanks again!

TBella · ‎10-05-2017

Most Welcome 😊

startingnew · ‎11-05-2017

hi and welcome to the forums

as i was reading post it was like looking at my own relationship with friends, i dont even hate to write my story as its very similar to what youve written.

i can most certainly relate my gosh

and you are worth so much more and you deserve friends!

you are msot certainly not alone my friend

Jessicatherese94 · ‎11-05-2017

Hi Islagreen,

It is super hard feeling left out of your friendship group, I've 100% been there. You've mentioned you have some other friends, could you spend a bit more time with them? Are you at high school? Is there another group of friends you could hang out with for a while? Something I really like to remember is "You are not a reflection of the way other's treat you." If someone treats you badly that is on them, not you. Have you tried to directly talk to them about how you feel? You could say something like "I understand you two are really close and that's great for you two, but can't we all spend time together sometimes?" You really deserve friends who reply and want to spend time with you and you can have that I promise. Please let me know how it all goes.