Constant feelings of depression etc.

immy19 · ‎04-05-2017

I'm 15 and I've been dealing with both severe depression and anxiety for a few months. It started getting worse after my boyfriend broke up with me and it's been increasingly more difficult with the way he treated me/ I treated him. On top of that I have little friends at school - nobody I can talk to if I need it or nobody I can be with without feeling awkward and uncomfortable. From the break up I have trust issues, I don't trust myself to be friends with anyone because I might hurt them and myself. I'm very scared to open myself up and I'm worried I've done everyone wrong. I'm always trying to fix my mistakes but now I'm not sure why or who for. I'm always tired out and crying. I am struggling in school with workload, bullying, isolation and concentration. I have constant feelings and thoughts of giving up entirely. I also feel scared and very very alone, even know I have the support of my parents, who I don't want to talk to because I don't want to worry them. My relationship with my dad isn't the best either, and my 12 year old sister makes it difficult. This depressed feeling never leaves, no matter what I try to distract myself etc. And some days it gets really bad to the point I get physically and mentally stuck and I have thoughts. I don't know how to cope properly or fix this. I'm just alone and confused

Jessicatherese94 · ‎05-05-2017

Hi immy19,

Thanks for reaching out and welcome to the forums. It sounds like things are very overwhelming and difficult for you right now. It's totally okay if you don't feel comfortable talking to people about what you're going through, but do you think you could talk to a psychologist/counsellor at school about it? Sometimes an objective source really helps as they are confidential, trustworthy and will not judge you.

Sometimes after a tough break up it does take a while to heal and also to start opening up yourself to others. The reality is that not everyone is going to hurt us. Romantic relationships do end quite often but that's the risk we have to take in being open/vulnerable and falling in love. If we were too scared to open up to people we would never experience how amazing love can be. And I always like to believe that the risk of loving is worth it. The heartbreak that may come with it is hard, but you will learn so much from this break up I promise: you will learn strength and resilience, you will look back on this time in your life and realise what a big learning curve it was.

I would really like you to talk to your parents about this, even if you don't want to worry them. Many parents would rather know their child is struggling than have that child go through a really difficult time without reaching out. If you don't want to talk to your father, do you have another care giver? An uncle/aunt/grandparent? As someone who has dealt with depression in the past, I promise you that you will not regret the decision to never give up. That's the most important thing about life, no matter what happens we should never give up. Keep fighting the good fight. I am 22 now and if I had have given up during depressive episodes I have I would never have written a book, started a degree in psychology, fallen in love etc. There are so many things to look forward to life even if you can't see it right now. I mean that. Please reply and let me know how you're going.

J x

Nikkir · ‎05-05-2017

Hi Immy19,

Thank you for your post and for having the courage to reach out:) It sounds like you have been going through a really tough time and very understandable. Relationships can be painful when they don't go as planned and you are so young, I remember feeling like I would never feel any better but the good news is I actually can't remember the person who hurt me now ( im middle age now:) I think Jessica gave some great advice about learning from the experience and talking to your parents or you can call us on 1300 22 4636 or Lifeline 13 1114 if you want to speak to someone anonymously, I actually prefer that myself. The main thing is to know that time does heal, I know this to be true and to take care of yourself and nurture yourself during this challenging time. If your symptoms do not improve it might be a good idea to see a GP and have a chat. You are so young and you really do have so much life in front of you and you can create new memories and new experiences. Personally I always like a change of scenery when I break up with someone or have a hard time but if thats not possible then do something for yourself, have a bath, yoga, meditation "smiling minds app' call a friend or join a new group. You have to keep moving mentally and physically to get through this, replaying it over in your mind can lead to more depression ( speaking from experience). Here is a link from the site

https://www.beyondblue.org.au/get-support/recovery-and-staying-well

We would love to hear from you again, if this feels right for you, wishing you all the best ! Nikkir x

immy19 · ‎09-05-2017

Thank you, I needed to here that. I have gotten the courage to see the school counselor (who said a very similar thing) and talk to my mum. I took a holiday in Sydney just to freshen up but being at school is no fun and extremely difficult. I keep going up and down but it helps to know I'm not alone.

startingnew · ‎11-05-2017

WELL DONE for reaching out that is super impressive

im extremely glad to hear that youve reached out to your counsellor as well thats so fantastic and an awesome next step well done

we are still here for you to chat about whatever you like as well

sending you big hugs

how have you been since you started getting some face to face help? are you finding it helpful for you?