Feeling alone and can't stop comparing myself to others.

[Katy92]

Hi everyone, I'm going to warn you this might be long but I'll try to make it as short as possible.

So six years ago my mum was diagnosed with a muscular disorder and unfortunately due to a prior wrong diagnosis had to have her leg amputated. A short while after, my grandmother who was her carer died of cancer. 

I then became her primary carer at 18. It was really isolating and every day seemed harsh and strenuous. During this time I met a guy, he liked me and I liked him...but he didn't realise and met someone else. I was pretty devastated and didn't really have anyone to talk to about it.

I met my ex eight months later, for a while I was happy...until his high school sweet heart came back from France. They've been together ever since. 

I recently heard the first guy, who I will call Anthony, broke up with his girlfriend. Yes...I did have that small sliver of hope, he did like met at one time and said if he had have known before he would have picked me. But I heard he might fancy someone else only five months later. 

In 2013 a 'friend' who I had confided in about my situation had told our community about it. I was excluded, laughed at, stared at like an exotic animal. Before this happened she would always belittle me. Anthony is now friends with her and she now has a boyfriend. 

I just feel like their lives are all so much better, and yet they've been nasty to me. I've now been single for three years, Anthony breaks up with his ex and he meets someone five months later....

I've struggled with my mother, I've done part time work when I can and volunteer work to keep my skills up to date. I've went back and done my year 12, went to art school for one year and am now studying teaching. Yet...I still feel sad and some days I'll just burst into tears. 

I have one close friend, I went to church and made acquaintances. I see them once a week, so it's just a routine of study and mum, then in the holidays, work. 

I have this fear I won't ever meet anyone and have started to be really panicky when I'm on my own, which is often. It feels so draining. Also I don't understand how they could treat me so poorly, and walk away happy. I used to believe in karma, now I'm not so sure. 

If I repeated anything or made and mistakes. I apologise but I'm feeling really emotional right now and it's late. Thank you if you managed to read all this. 

[CrashCoyote]

Hi Katy92,

Thank you for your post. I am much older than you (51) but have had my fair share of relationships and heartache, so maybe can give you some encouragement.

The thing with mum, just part of life. You are a good daughter for caring for her and like the many thousands of unpaid carers in the community, you will pay a price for the demands of it. For what it is worth, I think it is an honourable decision.

Relationships! Always tricky. People, especially young people, seem to be adept at breaking each others hearts.Maybe it is how we learn about true love, I do not know. All I do know (finally!) is that true love is hard to find and it is more likely to find you when you least expect it.

You cannot change the behaviour of your friends or peers and the feelings you may have had at one time may never get a chance to be acted upon later. You mentioned the guy "Anthony", for example. He knew you were keen on him but did not act on it even when you spelled it out. It is a sad part of life that sometimes our feelings for another are not reciprocated. If you can focus on what you do have control over, you can ignore or more easily accept what you do not have control over.

You sound like a young girl and forgive me for saying, but it is probably a little early for you to worry about being left on the shelf. I know this sounds like a "dad" talk and I guess if one of my three daughters was in your shoes, I'd probably give her the same advice.

I do not know if you are in a small town or isolated, but do you have access to a counsellor or maybe a G.P. to talk these things through with. Even calling on the 1300 number here you can just talk through your feelings and maybe get some reassurance.

I will keep an eye out for your posts and will always answer if you want. 

Kind regards, John.