Feel like I have too many issues (long)

[JaffaBoy]

Hi all, new here and needing some advice.

I'm 20, living at home and managing a part-time job coupled with part time university.

I finished school back in 2016 and initially went straight to university, my mental health did not cope with it and I did terribly and took a year off. I ended up upping my work to full time and doing nothing with regard to self progress for reasons unknown to me.

I decided to go back to university this semester because I couldn't see myself progressing in life any other way but I've run into the exact same problems. I don't have any motivation for the course or degree that I'm in and the only thing driving me is that I want more for myself than an office job and I'm scared of how disadvantaged I will be without a degree of some kind. Clearly this isn't enough of a driving force as I am so far behind I'm not even sure if I'll pass the semester. I've committed to myself to make a concerted effort to try and then it around for a pass but every time I'm working I find that my mental health goes straight to negativity and I really struggle to maintain focus. I've often wondered if I have ADD as this has always been an issue however I've never gotten tested.

Two weeks ago I was also given an ultimatum by my mother who I currently live with and pay rent to. She said I was either to commit fully to university or supplement my rent with a full time job and leave completely. When I told her I wanted the former she expected me to pull my grades up to obscene levels which I simply don't believe it's possible to do. I talked to her last night about how I'm stressed and lacking direction and her reaction was to act as though I'd broken a promise to her. We've always had a very close relationship and it's difficult for me to continue this path knowing she not only distrusts me but doesn't support me.

I feel as though I'm directionless and floundering and I'm not sure how to break that cycle. I often think about how I could be starting my third year of university right now but instead I'm in the same spot I was two years ago and have no motivation to change that. I don't think I've ever completely matured or developed independence but I have no idea how to and I'm honestly scared for the future of my life.

Any comments or advice however small would go a long way to help me right now as I have no clue how to progress with my life and the stagnation is beyond frustrating.

[Ell43]

Hi JaffaBoy,

I’m sorry to hear you are feeling so directionless and confused. That can be such a stressful place to be in. If it is any consolation, I think LOTS of people go through a period of confusion about life direction at your age. Your early 20s are full of making decisions about your future, and that can be really tough and anxiety provoking! Know you’re not alone!

I’m wondering if you feel like the uni course you are doing is right for you? Or rather, is the career you’re working towards something you think you are going to actually enjoy one day? Career satisfaction is so important, and not enjoying your job can have negative impacts on mental health. Plus I totally agree with you about motivation for uni, if you’re not there because you really want to work towards that career, it can be SO tough to motivate yourself to get the work done!

Have you ever had a career assessment? It can be really helpful if you’re not sure about the career direction you want to pursue!! I know a lot of unis offer it for free at their counselling services. Maybe that’s something you can look in to?
The career assessments don’t just look at what sorts of careers you are interested in, but also the sorts of things you value in a work place and the types of places you might get the most enjoyment out of being involved in. Additionally, a lot of them include an assessment of your personality profile, which can provide really helpful insight into the sorts of career tasks that might come easily to you, and the others that you will have to work harder at.

Another thing you could maybe look at is the website called O*Net https://www.onetonline.org/
It’s a free site (American) that literally lists EVERY type of occupation out there, and gives you a lot of info about the tasks involved in the job, the knowledge and skills required, education required, wages and employment trends and lots of other cool things. Sometimes having a play on that might help you discover career paths you’ve never thought of before!!

I'm also sorry to hear you feel like your mum isn't supporting you atm. That must suck!! I'm glad you've reached out here for some advice. Again, I wonder if the university counsellors might be able to offer you some advise about how to better communicate your feelings to your mum, and deal with some of the anxiety you're experiencing.

Are you able to elaborate any more on how your mental health has impacted your ability to study, in the past and again now?

Ell

[JaffaBoy]

Hi Ell,

Thank you for your response you've given me some good food for thought.

I have already emailed my university to make an appointment with both a career advisor and a university psychologist however the turnaround time is long and it's just hitting mid-sem break so I'm unsure when that's likely to happen. When I hear back I'll broach the idea of a career assessment as I'm assuming they can/do offer those.

Thank you for the site link, I'll take a look through it shortly.

With regard to mental health and study it's been a relatively consistent experience. I've always done well with school and was a consistently high achiever however I've never put in the effort required for it as it's never been necessary for me. In 2014 I had my first (and only) depressive episode and was put on medication for the better part of a year however I don't think I can attribute this to my studying abilities.

I want to say I can chalk the majority of my study issues up to pure laziness and never needing to push my mental abilities in any way. When I do try to focus however I find it enormously difficult for my mind not to wander even when I know a situation is dire (ie: I have something due in a day). Again this can probably be attributed to bad time management however these habits are also ingrained and I'm not sure how best to change them.

[baet123]

Hi Jaffa,

Welcome to the forums and thanks for posting. For you to share your situation with us is amazing and you should be proud!

Ell's response was amazing and I don't really have much to add because it was that good LOL.

What I also recommend that you do is if you feel your ADD or mental health/current well-being is affecting your studies please book an appointment with your universities disability support officers. They are extremely helpful and will assist you with an integration plan should you require one. Of course, you will need medical documentation supporting your claim and your condition so please talk to your disability services department at university and your GP.

Look forward to your reply. Hope this helped.

All the best,