I just recently completed the HSC, and found it extremely stressful.
Now it's over, and the pressure is gone. But now i worry about death.
Before the exams drinking would be a rare reprieve from the stresses of school life. I only drink in social situations, and i wouldn't even get a hangover. But two weeks ago, after drinking 2 nights in a row, i suffered a week of paralysing anxiety, over the concept of death. I fear it because it's impossible to know if my mind will be destroyed when i die. Sometimes i could wrestle my mind away from focusing on it, but the anxiety itself didn't dissipate. The focus might shift to social judgement very occasionally. I had at least one major panic attack every day, bad enough to leave me weeping. It went away eventually, and life became enjoyable again, but the focus still lingered in my mind (as it has for the last four years)
Now, two weeks later, i made the same fallacy of 2 nights of consecutive drinking with the very same friends, and the anxiety is back with a vengeance. I may be going through the same thing once again.
What's happening to me? Is it the multiple days of drinking? Is leftover HSC stress causing this? Or will i never be able to enjoy a night out with friends without being mentally damaged for a week?
And every time i try and take my focus off of my fate, my brain says that this is a problem that cannot be ignored. The laws of physics dictate that i have to go through this some day, and i don't know in my heart whether my mind will go to some Heaven or be snuffed out completely. I fear that day so much. And my brain doesn't understand that this isn't ok. But is it understandable?
