Young people

Struggling to help depressed, anxious and drug-addicted boyfriend

replies: 2

Hi everyone, I am sure that this has been posted a number of times but I have not been able to find anything totally synonymous with my circumstances. About 6 months ago, I became involved with a boy (21) who I knew had struggled with mental illness ... View more

Hi everyone, I am sure that this has been posted a number of times but I have not been able to find anything totally synonymous with my circumstances. About 6 months ago, I became involved with a boy (21) who I knew had struggled with mental illness for a number of years - but truthfully (having never suffered from any form of mental illness myself), I couldn't have known what this entailed. He has depression, anxiety, social anxiety, severe mood swings and he is addicted to marijuana (smokes every day just to survive). He has episodes in which he turns against me and I fear the relationship is becoming abusive. He has withdrawn socially over the past year, meaning he has very few true friends left. His parents are obtuse and absent. I feel that I am the only real support he has. He'll tell me I don't do enough for him or that I'm making things worse but in the morning will say I'm the only person he loves, I mean everything to him etc. etc. etc. I have implored him to see his GP but he claims that he does not have the money to consistently see a psychologist (he is sceptical about them) and that the anti-depressants he was on years ago didn't work (he does not listen when I tell him that they are incredibly finicky and can take months to find the right dosage). He has said when he gets a higher paying job he will pursue treatment but I'm not sure either of us can wait that long. Is there anything I could say to persuade him to take action sooner? Furthermore, (I know how insensitive this may sound) but it frustrates me that he isn't trying other/free methods. I have done extensive reading and people claim that consistent exercise and eating a balanced diet help. He says he will join the gym when he gets a higher paying job but until then he seems to have no plan to change his current lifestyle which is quite immobile and lacks routine. I'm struggling to know how to help him OR if this is not possible if it is safe to walk away. Ultimately, you can only help someone who wants to help themselves and while he claims he wants help, I don't feel he's truly ready yet. I am wracked with guilt at the thought of leaving and have no idea how I would go about it without further isolating and hurting him but I also cannot see this relationship being long-term when it is so unstable, draining and hurtful for both of us. Has anyone been through this? Any advice would be warmly welcomed.

I just want someone to talk to

replies: 13

I've been through a bit over the years. I've never had anyone to stand with me and talk, or just someone to be there. I Donno All those years of thinking to myself that I don't need anyone or anything. I don't need to talk to people when I'm in a rou... View more

I've been through a bit over the years. I've never had anyone to stand with me and talk, or just someone to be there. I Donno All those years of thinking to myself that I don't need anyone or anything. I don't need to talk to people when I'm in a rough space, or when people are giving me a hard time. I hit college, and it was like nobody cared. None of the teachers did anything when I went from a straight a student, to a failure. Next thing you know, I've dropped out. And I don't think anyone really noticed. I wish I had someone to talk to, through that school phase especially. I just want someone to ask me, what is on my mind, and just keep asking until I finally give in to them and blurt it all out. It will never happen. I will forever hold everything in. I can't talk about it here. It just feels, nothing

Why won't this feeling go away?!

replies: 1

For a long time now, I have had this feeling in the pit of my stomach that just will not go away. It is like butterflies but bad butterflies, if you know what I mean. I have tried many different things to try and get rid of this awful feeling, from m... View more

For a long time now, I have had this feeling in the pit of my stomach that just will not go away. It is like butterflies but bad butterflies, if you know what I mean. I have tried many different things to try and get rid of this awful feeling, from meditation to chinese herbal remedies. Nothing works. It is especially bad when I go to sit any exam or test, to the point where I can sometimes become physically sick beforehand. I am going through my HSC at the moment so I really need this to stop. I cannot concentrate on my classwork, homework or study because of this awful feeling and as a result my once outstanding grades have dramatically decreased. What can I do? When I go to sleep at night, I often lay awake for hours unable to stop the constant agitation in my stomach. I really am at a loss as to what to do. If you are reading this I hope you can help me, because I can't help myself.

Supporting Ex Through Hard Time

replies: 1

Hi, I'm new to this website so I'm not sure what I'm exactly doing here. Nevertheless I think I need some help or advice. My ex and I have been separated for a couple months now. I did the horrible thing and left him while he was relapsing with his a... View more

Hi, I'm new to this website so I'm not sure what I'm exactly doing here. Nevertheless I think I need some help or advice. My ex and I have been separated for a couple months now. I did the horrible thing and left him while he was relapsing with his alcoholism and I feel incredibly guilty. We were together for 2.5, almost 3 years and by the end of it all, his addiction to alcohol unfortunately became harder and harder for me to deal with. I do not think leaving someone through such a time is okay but by the end of it I was mentally exhausted, but I cannot stress enough how horrible I feel for leaving him like this. His issues really started when we were on a break for a few months about a year ago for reasons unrelated, and he started becoming depressed. To get to the point here, since the break up I have never seen him such a mess. I still keep in contact with his family, and his family have talked to me on a few occasions almost in panic over how bad my exes alcoholism is getting. We are both 19 years old. I have been told by my exes family and my ex also (we are still in contact as I'm trying to give him support) that he is now in debt, he has become aggressive which isn't like him at all, he is drowning himself more and more in alcohol than I thought was possible for him. He has also been caught driving under the influence, his car has been impounded, his license has been suspended and he's now facing court dates along with fines. Now, from being with him from 16-19 years old I can safely say that this isn't like him AT ALL. His personality is so flat and deflated now, it's nothing like when we were together. I am extremely fearful of what's going to happen to him and I want to be there to support him and help him out of this mess but I'm not sure exactly how to do it. I have mentioned AA meetings and the kind, but he believes that they all turn to god to stop drinking and he is an atheist. I have told him that surely they aren't all religion focused but he disagrees. Unfortunately AA is the only thing I can think of to help him. I still care so deeply for him, I can also be one to admit that I still love him, and he has opened up to me teary-eyed that he feels like he's hit rock bottom and hearing him saying how helpless he feels breaks my heart. Please help me to help him.

I just don't know

replies: 5

I have double depression, or dysthymia and major depression in one episode. I have had it, with no relief, for almost 9 years. I am almost 20, was diagnosed at 11. I have tried every single SSRI, both alone and augmented with antipsychotic or mood st... View more

I have double depression, or dysthymia and major depression in one episode. I have had it, with no relief, for almost 9 years. I am almost 20, was diagnosed at 11. I have tried every single SSRI, both alone and augmented with antipsychotic or mood stabilising medication, all of those failed. I have tried a NaSSA antidepressant, failed. I have tried 3 different MAOIs, failed. And I have tried antipsychotic medication by itself, failed. I have never been psychotic, nor do I have a type of bipolar, those meds were supposedly to boost the efficiency of the antidepressant/s. Along with those I have completed DBT twice, done CBT, CAT and interpersonal therapy, as well as "chit chat" therapy, or so I call it. I was told, at 16, by a psychiatrist, mate there is nothing any mental health professional can do for you anymore. I would suggest just walking out on the mental health system altogether and forgetting about the illness you have, I'm sorry but that's the most I can do. I should mention that I have been hospitalised about 20 times in these 9 years, and all the hospital ever did was stare at me while I stayed (sometimes for months). I should also say that from a tiny baby til 18, I was in foster care. I suffered chronic abuse and neglect daily for almost 18 years, as well as switching homes and schools. Recently, once I had found a GP for myself after leaving care, and with the help of a clinical psychologist, I was also diagnosed with PTSD and BPD (borderline personality disorder). Since I had already completed therapies of all kinds, nothing could or can be done. Besides regular standard risk assessments by my GP for the BPD. She also discovered I had very low testosterone, so she prescribes that to me and says its best I stay on it permanently as my low testosterone caused late puberty, or failure to go through puberty until time on that. Its been almost 18 months on that, she said it may help my depression. Of course, it hasn't. I am chronically fatigued, can't concentrate, have no desire, no interest, I sleep and eat way too much, my life is just a massive, empty drag along that I feel like I'm forced to live. I feel as if I am watching a movie that I am not part of and never will be. I have no friends, no family, no support besides my GP. Its very lonely. I feel as if the depression IS ME. I guess I'm just having a rant and looking for advice, though I gather there won't be much. Thanks in advance.

Hatred Stasis

replies: 1

I feel like I'm stuck in this constant loop of people growing to hate me for no other reason than, I'm me. It's absolute hell on my anxiety. The majority of the people around me can only be considered acquaintances because most never bother to get to... View more

I feel like I'm stuck in this constant loop of people growing to hate me for no other reason than, I'm me. It's absolute hell on my anxiety. The majority of the people around me can only be considered acquaintances because most never bother to get to know me on any deeper level but it seems no matter how I act, no matter how I present myself, everyone always ends up having an issue with me. The worst part is that I usually can't figure out why. The best example I can think of is a falling out I had with a girl who's been my friend for over 5 years. She knew and understood me or so I thought, until one day she just changed overnight. Now she regularly insults me for my mannerisms, looks down her nose at me for not being medicated for my depression/anxiety and has tried to paint me as some kind of bully who lives to attack her when the reality is that I'm just trying to defend myself. The fact that this has happened so many times with so many people has left me utterly paranoid about friendship. It's no longer a matter of if they'll turn on me, but when. Sometimes I even find myself lacking trust in my boyfriend who claims to have been in love with me since he met me. I want to believe him. I want to believe all the people I know who say they'll never turn on me but I just can't seem to shake this nagging feeling that I really can't trust any of them. I always gauge the probability of situations based on the past. In the past I had no friends; everybody around me had some reason to dislike/hate me and I never even knew why. Now I feel like even if my tiny handful of friends are being honest about loving and caring for me, I'm incapable of believing them. I'm stuck in stasis surrounded by hatred and it's slowing eating away at me. I don't know what to do. I don't know if anyone can help me. I just wanted to share what I was feeling in the hopes that it might bring me closer to an answer.

Might have depression, in need of advice

replies: 4

Hello everyone, a close friend of mine has suggested that I might have depression from what I've confided in the past. I'm hoping by posting here I might get opinions from people who are more familiar with this issue.I've had a pretty sheltered life,... View more

Hello everyone, a close friend of mine has suggested that I might have depression from what I've confided in the past. I'm hoping by posting here I might get opinions from people who are more familiar with this issue.I've had a pretty sheltered life, and coming from a family of Asian background, education and grades were considered highly important. This didn't change when I was in high school, where I was only allowed to go to school and head home straight after. Thankfully, there was less bullying compared to primary school and I did make a few close friends so it was bearable. Somewhere along the line though, I felt like I burnt out from all the studying forced upon me. My grades started slipping, and having parents that only saw me for my grades, I was only a number to them and I hid my reports from my parents so that they wouldn't hit me. In the past when I was young I showed them a report card from the tuition centre that I went to that said I only recieved 80% for their mathematics course and I got called useless, lazy and good for nothing on top of getting spanked pretty hard. That time they did not ask if I was having any troubles with my life, and they pinned it down to my own laziness and left it at that.Towards the end of high school, I started skipping classes because I couldn't bear to go to them. I started spending most of my time at home playing computer games so I could forget about how crap my life has become. I would spend at least 10 hours a day playing them, and let my parents think I was studying. I only managed to get 83.5 for my WAM, and when my parents found out all hell broke loose. When I confronted my parents about how unhappy I was with their obsession with grades, they told me that my happiness didn't matter a single bit to them.Now I'm at university failing a degree that I didn't want to do in the first place, and no references because of my social ineptness. I desperately want to get a job to be able to support myself and move out but I have almost no experience and no references. I feel stuck because I can't find a job and university feels very difficult for me to finish at this point. I've tried killing myself but everytime it was too painful and I couldn't follow through, so I'm stuck living in a toxic household. All I've ever wanted to do since year 8 was to die.Can the counsellor at university diagnose depression? Is there a way out of this mess?Thanks for reading this, I know it was a wall of text,Evlina beyondblue's clinically-trained moderators often work offline (invisible to you) on issues relating to suicide or self-harm. At the same time, general supportive comments from the community are encouraged. If you have concerns around suicide or self-harm, please phone our support service on 1300 22 4636.

I think I need help??

replies: 3

I've always been the type to have bad luck with most things, jobs, boyfriends, friends etc. I have been suffering depression for as long as I can remember especially with an absent father and a busy mother. I recently did some research due to having ... View more

I've always been the type to have bad luck with most things, jobs, boyfriends, friends etc. I have been suffering depression for as long as I can remember especially with an absent father and a busy mother. I recently did some research due to having problems with my partner and most of my symptoms are related to paranoia disorder and now it all makes sense to me but now I feel more alone than ever due to the fact it makes me sound like a crazy person. If anyone out there knows what it feels like or has suffered from it please contact me. I'm very scared

Feeling hopeless because I know what I want, but not how to change my circumstances

replies: 3

I'm a female in early 20's who recently graduated with a bachelor's degree. I had a very difficult time with uni because I had to move back into my family home to save money after moving out to be closer to uni and reduce travel stress (I have anxiet... View more

I'm a female in early 20's who recently graduated with a bachelor's degree. I had a very difficult time with uni because I had to move back into my family home to save money after moving out to be closer to uni and reduce travel stress (I have anxiety). My family home has a lot of very distressing and traumatic associations, and living there now is my father and a male sibling. My father is depressive, an alcoholic, and mildly aspergers (very science-minded, no tact, doesn't pick up emotional cues well). I hate the city I live in and want to move to Europe, and after doing a semester overseas, it's confirmed my life goal to be there. I actually cannot live here, there's nothing I want here. Since finishing uni, I've been mostly at home, writing applications for jobs inter-state (to get me at least away from my home city). I've applied to jobs almost every day, and im so bored and uninspired, because they are not what I want at all. I want to do post-grad or more study overseas. Or work overseas, but as a non-eu citizen, visa rules are very restrictive and require high-level employer/company sponsorship to stay longer than a year. As a graduate with no experience yet, I dont think this is an option right now.The problem right now is I cant afford to study any more. Im unemployed, and im scared I wont be able to hold on long enough to save for study again later. It's been almost 3 months at home now trying to get an entry-level job, and I've only got rejections so far. Im applying as an inter-state applicant, but im ready to relocate as needed. Im just really worried that I wont have any job offers and il be forced to find something part-time in this city I cant stand.I dont know what to do anymore. Most of my friends are back in Europe. I try to keep myself otherwise occupied, reading, exercising, writing, looking up other options, but it just makes me feel more pointless and stuck than ever. I dont know how to change my circumstances without the funds to do so. Anti-depressants have helped me hugely, but im starting to feel numb again. I'm missing out on life that I know I want, and I know where it is, I just cant get myself to it. dont know if I want to keep trying anymore.If anyone can offer experiences of getting away fromcrap cities and re-claiming their direction in life, id appreciate reading it. Or just any advice I guess. Thanks.

I really wanna cry, but I can't!

replies: 2

So I've been depressed for a while now, I've tired to seek help but I could never go through with it completely. I'm in uni at the moment and it seems to be getting even worse with the stressors and pressure of trying to complete my final year. I sti... View more

So I've been depressed for a while now, I've tired to seek help but I could never go through with it completely. I'm in uni at the moment and it seems to be getting even worse with the stressors and pressure of trying to complete my final year. I still do live with my parents, because it's apart of our tradition where the girl can't leave the home until she's married, not that I'm planning to get married anytime soon it's kinda in the back of my mind. But I have come to that stage in my life where I wanna explore life and I wanna see what I like and don't like. I do help my family financially. My family don't know that I suffer from depression and I don't want them to know, because they have a huge stigma against anyone with a mental illness ( stupid I know, but that's how they were brought up). Because I haven't told them about it, I kinda have to "fake" my day to day life because I don't want them to realise, so I spent most of my time in my room, not talking to anyone, I hardly go out, because I'm helping them finically which leaves me out of pocket. I guess i don't have the strength to tell them I can't give them money because I'm paying for so much such things like my uni fee, my mobile bill, food, transport money, paying off my car, and my everyday necessities, don't get me wrong I love my parents but they just don't understand. I have never really had a relationship with them at all. We don't talk or anything and it kinda sucks because I do wanna tell my mum stuff but because she's so judgment about everything I can never go to her for nothing. I feel like there's so many secrets that their keeping from me and it hurts, it really does. I want to feel good about myself, I want to go out and be social and meet new people, and just be carefree I mean I'm in my 20s. I wanna experience love and happiness I see it in other people and to be honest it makes me super jealous that I can't have that, I don't have the ability to allow myself to let go of the past and be in the present. I just wanna be happy, that's all, I wanna be happy!

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New to this Forum? Please read this first!

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Struggling to help depressed, anxious and drug-addicted boyfriend

replies: 2

I just want someone to talk to

replies: 13

Why won't this feeling go away?!

replies: 1

Supporting Ex Through Hard Time

replies: 1

I just don't know

replies: 5

Hatred Stasis

replies: 1

Might have depression, in need of advice

replies: 4

I think I need help??

replies: 3

Feeling hopeless because I know what I want, but not how to change my circumstances

replies: 3

I really wanna cry, but I can't!

replies: 2

Young people

New to this Forum? Please read this first! replies: 0

Struggling to help depressed, anxious and drug-addicted boyfriend replies: 2

I just want someone to talk to replies: 13

Why won't this feeling go away?! replies: 1

Supporting Ex Through Hard Time replies: 1

I just don't know replies: 5

Hatred Stasis replies: 1

Might have depression, in need of advice replies: 4

I think I need help?? replies: 3

Feeling hopeless because I know what I want, but not how to change my circumstances replies: 3

I really wanna cry, but I can't! replies: 2

New to this Forum? Please read this first!

replies: 0

Struggling to help depressed, anxious and drug-addicted boyfriend

replies: 2

I just want someone to talk to

replies: 13

Why won't this feeling go away?!

replies: 1

Supporting Ex Through Hard Time

replies: 1

I just don't know

replies: 5

Hatred Stasis

replies: 1

Might have depression, in need of advice

replies: 4

I think I need help??

replies: 3

Feeling hopeless because I know what I want, but not how to change my circumstances

replies: 3

I really wanna cry, but I can't!

replies: 2