why me?

[Sophjay]

My name is Sophie I'm 22 and unfortunately I have no life. Almost every morning I wake up wishing the day was over before it has even begun. If I get invited out I make up some excuse so I don't have to go, the thought of being around people I don't know and crowds makes me feel very nervous so I avoid having to be put in awkward situations. I don't have any friends, my bestfriend since childhood lives in a different state and again the thought of getting on a plane scares me so much I avoid it even though my very best friend is at the other end. Everything to do with being in public scares me it worries me I get nervous I start to feel sick and sometimes dizzy. Who wants to live like this. No one. Its horrible not being able to do anything because you have anxiety controlling you. The sad part is people around me, my loved ones, think I want to be like this I don't have support i have people calling me lazy and telling me to grow up. Which only makes me feel worse. Its been this way for some years now I'm not 100% sure when this started but recently (June 2014) I decided to talk to my doctor about how I've been feeling, I started to cry and she handed me a tissue and said I'm not a mind reader you should have told me sooner. Isnt it weird how you can look completely fine on the outside but your a total mess on the inside and no one would ever know if you didn't tell them? But even then, I have tried talking to others and some think its just "attention seeking" when all you want is someone to talk to, a friend. I was meant to start taking anti depressants and see a counsellor as I was diagnosed with severe depression and anxiety. I haven't taken my pills or seen the counsellor yet. I've been trying to do it on my own after speaking with my doctor I have became a little better being in public but still have my problems. Its hard going through almost everyday worrying about things I shouldn't worry about or getting nervous over being in public when people do it everyday with no worries at all. I just want to be a normal 22 year old girl who is happy and loves life. 

[white knight]

Hi Sophjay, welcome here to Beyond Blue forums

"when people do it everyday with no worries at all".  Not us. I say us I'm speaking for a good percentage of members here. We struggles daily to get out of bed or face the community. 1 in 5 people will suffer a mental illness in their lifetime - 20%. It just so happens it has come to you at an early stage of your life. You are not alone in this and congratulations for coming here and opening up.

I just wrote on this forum here about being told to "grow up" and I'm 58yo?? Because we with mental issues behave oddly and in some ways whether its because we show the signs- we seem immature. Anxiety will show the you over react. this can be seen by others as unwise. etc and on and on it goes- naive people that dont know anything.

I had a friend once told about my depression he said "just ring me up and we'll solve whatever the issue is".  he obviously had no idea how to handle depression nor what it is. At least he offered.

So dont take any notice of others that really know nothing. Seek your doctors help as often as you can. Seek therapy. And seek relaxation classes. They really helped me when my anxiety flared up a long time ago.

Tony

[Liz71]

Hi Sophie, I was like you & thought I could tough it out & beat it myself, but it was nearly the end of me. "Owning" it & seeking professional help is a very positive thing to do, and absolutely nothing to be embarrassed or worried about. And one of the best things I've personally ever done. It's a journey & not always easy, but then neither is the way your feeling at the moment. You'd be surprised by how many "normal" & functioning people have sought help for mental health issues. You can feel better, and deserve to feel better. Go & seek all the help you can get. xxxx

[Sophjay]

Hey tony thank you for your reply it means alot. I'm so glad I came across this site and have been reading others stories and problems it makes me feel less lonely.And to know so many of you have got help and are now doing so much better makes me smile. I went to see my doctor today and I have my first appointment tomorrow morning with m counsellor. I'm abit nervous but my doctor told me to not avoid it and make sure I go so I am, I will write again tomorrow after my appointment. 

🙂 

[Sophjay]

Hey Liz , thanks for your reply 🙂 I really thought I may have been able to just get over it on my own but my boyfriend doesn't really help, I mean he has problems of his own and takes it out on me I've been supportive of him for almost 3 years now I try my best to make him happy but always feel like I'm never enough he gets angry and calls me horrible names would never hit me but emotionally he hurts me alot. Lately he has been better maybe I've given too many chances. The way he acts doesn't help with what I'm going through, really. And he knows that. But the story of all that is too big to tell. I will see how my counseling session goes tomorrow. Xx

[white knight]

Hi Sophjay,

I'm delighted you have made that appointment. Made my day.

[Liz71]

Hey Sophie, your only 22 & sound like a lovely young girl. I'm a stranger to you & don't know much about your life & don't know your boyfriend. I'm 43 & have had a few relationships in my time. Some are good & some are very bad & destructive, and cause you emotional damage that leaves it's mark for years. The best advice I can give you at your young age is to focus on yourself, get yourself healthy & then you will attract good positive people into your life. I guess you need to decide if your current boyfriend is bringing these supportive good things to you at this time when you need them? xxxx

[Liz71]

Also, no one deserves to be called bad names & people have no right to call anyone bad names. You don't need to tolerate it.