Young people

I want rid of the stigma!

replies: 1

Hi all, I'm new to beyond blue on these online forums however have regularly checked into the website over the years for information. I've wanted to share my story for a while as I feel it's important to get more awareness out there so that younger p... View more

Hi all, I'm new to beyond blue on these online forums however have regularly checked into the website over the years for information. I've wanted to share my story for a while as I feel it's important to get more awareness out there so that younger people can become more confident in speaking out about their issue or will have the courage to seek for help/advice. So here goes... At the age of 15 (year 11 high school) I struggled to find myself in terms of fitting in as a highschooler, socialising and meeting boys but also have to deal with being a type 1 diabetic on a insulin pump where jokes were common about my 'tamagotchi device'. My self esteem was low, I was overweight and was ridiculed for my (what I now consider to be beautiful) strawberry blonde "ginger" hair. In march of my year 11 studies my mum thankfully took me to the doctor as she noticed the changes in me where I was diagnosed with severe depression but by this point it was too late.. I had lost my 'friends' to being what they described as being 'too unhappy' and was in the firing line of all the nasty rumours regarding being depressed, having medication and trying to cope still with school. I spent two weeks sometimes not being able to sleep due to medication side effects, mixed with the wrong crowd and was avoided by all because they viewed my illness as contagious. Some how in amongst all this I managed to connect and enter a relationship with a boy who has now become my partner for last 5 years and has help me through my battle. After high school I came off the medication but unfortunately every year I seemed to suffer a down period, still didn't have many friends and as you can imagine found it hard to make friends because of trust issues.. how did I know if they would do the same thing? Come my second year of uni the stress of my studies and expectations as a scholarship student for nursing became too much and I sunk down again. I spent my days in bed, unable to wake up let alone eat or shower or keep on top of my uni work. I used my little energy to hide from my loved ones what was going on and cried none stop for hours. I've always feared the ridicule from the previous time. Thankfully my partner and mum helped me through.. taking me again to the doctor and using similar techniques such as exercise, meditation and yoga to help me back on track. I'm now in my final year of nursing and am thankful for my support & my studies never suffered and still have accomplished what I wanted.

Health anxiety is taking over me.

replies: 1

Okay so no matter I find something on my body that I completely freak myself out about and think I'm dying. I was smoking cigarettes from age 13 and am now 21 I had a sinus infection but continued smoking 5-7 a day when I started having grey small st... View more

Okay so no matter I find something on my body that I completely freak myself out about and think I'm dying. I was smoking cigarettes from age 13 and am now 21 I had a sinus infection but continued smoking 5-7 a day when I started having grey small strands in my yellow phlegm :(. I stopped smoking straight away and haven't touched one since it's been a month now but I still have grey specks. Has anyone ever had this happen? I've never smoked marijuana ither. I'm so scared and keep working myself up, and saying to myself you are so dumb Whyd you ever smoke for.

Need help

replies: 1

So I'm not sure what's going on. My moods seem to be crazy since the start of the year. Im 19 and have recently lost all my friends. Literally have no friends anymore when I used to have quite a few, most I have had falling outs with in the past few ... View more

So I'm not sure what's going on. My moods seem to be crazy since the start of the year. Im 19 and have recently lost all my friends. Literally have no friends anymore when I used to have quite a few, most I have had falling outs with in the past few months. I get so lonely on weekends doing nothing all day and night when I used to go out 3-4 times a week with friends, like so sad and depressed Into a deep deep mood I can't get out of. I use work and tv shows as a distraction but I just feel like everything is fallen out of place and I'm such a huge failure and all my friends left me because I was at fault and there must be something wrong with me to not be able to keep any friends in my life. I can't stop crying and I'm so lonely all the time and have no one to speak to about it. It is so hard how to explain how terrible I feel all the time. It affects my moods at work, been having bad days at work every day for the past month at least. And am constantly agitated and annoyed at the littlest things. I'm constantly fighting with my mum and dad. I've never been this bad before and I really don't know what to do because it's so hard to try and be happy being alone so much. I am a very independent person I love spending time alone however the past few months ive spent so much time alone, I guess it's really getting to me. This doesn't describe my situation to it's best, it's so hard to describe how I feel but I just needed to get it out.

I Feel Nothing

replies: 1

I'm almost 21, studying engineering at uni, and working part time as a horse riding instructor. My problem is I can't seem to deal with every day life things, and most of all I can't cope with work.I've changed jobs so many times, because I'll get si... View more

I'm almost 21, studying engineering at uni, and working part time as a horse riding instructor. My problem is I can't seem to deal with every day life things, and most of all I can't cope with work.I've changed jobs so many times, because I'll get sick of the work, or the managers will stress me out. I just can't cope with it. I worked in a bar, but the managers treated me like I was someone to be used and abused. The customers were annoying, it was long hours, split shifts, and tedious work. I liked it when I was happy, but it was the end of the world when I was down, which is about 85-90% of the time. I tried retail, but hated trying to sell stuff to people, and found I wasn't 'bubbly' enough to draw people in. I hated it, and my manager was super annoying there too.I work at a riding school. I love horses, and I enjoy teaching (I rode horses all my life before I moved to the city for uni). This is like the perfect job for me. It's only a few days a week so I can study as well, but STILL I find myself wanting to stop it. I don't know what's wrong with me. I KNOW that work is work, and you're not always going to enjoy it. I know you're supposed to just do it because it's money at the end of the day. WHY CANT I JUST DO IT!? I would literally rather break my own arm or something similar just to get myself a valid excuse to not go to work. I hate that. It's like I'm split into two minds. A logical one, and the crazy, stupid one. I enjoy being physically damaged, because I can see what's wrong, and it can be fixed, and it heals. Not like mental illness, where it seems completely pointless and there's no direct cure. I'm not saying I do these things, just think about them a little too seriously for my liking. I guess I just want someone to tell me I'm not as crazy as I feel?? That I will get better and one day be able to keep a job, full time, and deal with it normally. Maybe even enjoy it! Oh, and uni is the same as work. I hate it, but I can't think of anything I want to do instead, and seeing I can't exactly keep a job, there's no point quitting uni to work. So I keep forcing myself through the study hoping that at the end of my four years, I will have a good, stable, high paying job in engineering and I'll be fine. I hate this side of myself, and want to be normal!i should add that I see a psych, I've tried many meds but they make me suicidal, I exercise almost every day, and talk to many people. I have support, just no results. beyondblue's clinically-trained moderators often work offline (invisible to you) on issues relating to suicide or self-harm. At the same time, general supportive comments from the community are encouraged. If you have concerns around suicide or self-harm, please phone our support service on 1300 22 4636. Normal 0 false false false EN-AU X-NONE X-NONE /* Style Definitions */ table.MsoNormalTable {mso-style-name:"Table Normal"; mso-tstyle-rowband-size:0; mso-tstyle-colband-size:0; mso-style-noshow:yes; mso-style-priority:99; mso-style-parent:""; mso-padding-alt:0cm 5.4pt 0cm 5.4pt; mso-para-margin-top:0cm; mso-para-margin-right:0cm; mso-para-margin-bottom:10.0pt; mso-para-margin-left:0cm; line-height:115%; mso-pagination:widow-orphan; font-size:11.0pt; font-family:"Calibri","sans-serif"; mso-ascii-font-family:Calibri; mso-ascii-theme-font:minor-latin; mso-hansi-font-family:Calibri; mso-hansi-theme-font:minor-latin; mso-bidi-font-family:"Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-theme-font:minor-bidi; mso-fareast-language:EN-US;}

feeling alone and insecure that causes me to pick my face

replies: 2

I have a few friends and a bf but I still feel alone. I feel like I try so hard for other people to like me and for me to fit in. I have many friends but I don't have close friends. Whenever I feel alone I start picking my face because it makes me zo... View more

I have a few friends and a bf but I still feel alone. I feel like I try so hard for other people to like me and for me to fit in. I have many friends but I don't have close friends. Whenever I feel alone I start picking my face because it makes me zone out, but after I see what I've done to my face, I don't want to leave the house. I hate being by myself because when I am I feel unloved and alone. I've become so insecure within my self. Its so hard pretending to be someone I'm not, I try and act happy when really I'm so broken from the inside. How do I overcome this? I can't talk to anyone about it because I'm afraid of being judged. I'm so obsessed with my physical appearance and wanting to be perfect. I pick on my weight when in reality I'm not fat and weigh 54kg. I pick on my looks but I constantly get complimented on the way I look. Why cant I love myself the way my boyfriend loves me? I feel like Ill lose him one day if this takes over me. I've been crying a lot for no reason I don't know if I'm depressed? I do suffer from anxiety occasionally.

Stuck!

replies: 1

Hi , I've been stuck in a bit of a rut the last 2 or so years. I feel as though I'm confused on what I want in life and have no one at all . I've been at uni for 2 and a half years ( just turned 21) and it has contributed to making me such an unhappy... View more

Hi , I've been stuck in a bit of a rut the last 2 or so years. I feel as though I'm confused on what I want in life and have no one at all . I've been at uni for 2 and a half years ( just turned 21) and it has contributed to making me such an unhappy person as it stresses me out to the point where I cry frequently and think of drastic ways to which I wouldn't have to go . I think I just need a break as I went straight from school to uni. Along with losing contact with friends as they are getting into relationships and having children. In this time I have noticed a change in myself , I can't remember the last time I was genuinely happy, I know that the things that I listed above are the littlest problems to make someone unhappy that's why I'm so confused on why I feel so down all the time . I actually feel embarrassed posting this on here because I feel quite pathetic and dramatics to be unhappy over these problems. I come from a huge family who are amazing and we are all very close. However most of them are quite loud etc whereas I keep to myself and fall to the back. My parents have given me anything I've ever wanted however can sometimes lack in the supporting department. I think the lack of friends is the main cause, I guess I would say I was part of the "popular" group all through school , thus I had plenty of friends . However now I speak to my friends once in a blue moon as they are too busy with heir new lives which I completely understand. I blame myself for feeling this way I isolated myself from everyone as I felt like they were moving on with the lives and I didn't want to be the one to say I need a friend right now . I honestly don't think I can keep going on like this , I just feel so drained and down constantly , and I'm too stubborn, embarrassed and shy to tell any friends or family of how down I actually am as I feel dramatic. I guess this post is just a bit of a vent and hoping for some advice on how to get out of this rut.

Anxiety Worse After Starting University

replies: 2

Hello everyone, I've suffered from anxiety my entire life; however, these past couple of months have become unbearable. I used to get panic attacks sporadically, and they would usually only happen, at most, four times a month. However, after a couple... View more

Hello everyone, I've suffered from anxiety my entire life; however, these past couple of months have become unbearable. I used to get panic attacks sporadically, and they would usually only happen, at most, four times a month. However, after a couple of months of starting university, they became more frequent, to the point where I'm in a constant state of panic. When I would be in class, I would feel a compression spread across my head, almost like I was having a seizure, and this feeling would last for hours. This would cause me to get dizzy, as I would panic about what was happening. Also, I have been having constant attacks, where it becomes hard for me to breathe, and my chest becomes heavy, and I feel as if I have a lump in my throat. This problem, for the past couple of days, has not been going away. My chest constantly feels as if it is congested, and heavy, which has made me aware of my breathing (now I have to manually breathe), and it feels as if I have asthma (I have the majority of symptoms besides a wheezing cough, and no mucous secretion). I feel anxious all the time now, which has resulted in me having to take the semester off of school. Ever since I got home, the problems have not subsided. I have no motivation to go out of my room, and all I do now is cry. I'm hesitant to take any medication, as I'm scared for the dependancy on them. I understand this is common amongst students entering university for their first year, and all of the symptoms are caused from my anxiety, but I honestly don't know what to do. I've tried yoga, and meditation, which do not help as I am unable to stop thinking when doing these, making me unable to relax. I've tried natural medicines such as GABA, l-theanine, and 5-HTP. I've gone for walks, taken baths, talked to family and friends about it- none of which have helped. I feel hopeless, and I'm looking for any suggestions on what I should do. Thanks for listening

She completely cut me out.

replies: 3

Before I start off, I just wanna say that I'm new here, I don't know if I am in the right thread and my spelling and grammar is not great. I don't mean to offend anyone with anything I say.Last year I had a friend who is in possibly the deepest pits ... View more

Before I start off, I just wanna say that I'm new here, I don't know if I am in the right thread and my spelling and grammar is not great. I don't mean to offend anyone with anything I say.Last year I had a friend who is in possibly the deepest pits of depression to the state of multiplesuicide attempts and self harm. She didn't speak much about anything relating to her illness although I did know a few reasons that made it worse but none the less her illness is descried as clinical. Anyway, she has some days when she is really bad and she always refuses any help so I accept that. Towards the end of end of last year she all the sudden stopped talking to me on social media and in classes ect. I thought maybe she was just going through a bad time so I waited it out, made sure I was available if she needed to talk. At on the last few days of the years she was all nicey nicey taking to me, almost like it was old times. Then i come back to school now and she has deleted me on every social media website and doesn't want to know me at all. Then i see on another social website that she was ' cutting people out of her life to change her lifestyle.' I don't understand, I have never done anything to hurt her in my eyes. I was always nice, I never pushed her. We had been reasonably close friends for for a year and she just totally ditched me like I was nothing. I feel so heart broken and I keep blaming myself. I knew I would never be her best friend but I thought I was worth more than that. And now I can't even go near that group because it is awkward. None of them bar one half knows what happened between us. Although I don't even understand. I am going to leave it here because the text on my screen has suddenly gone all small? Anyways I would also like to point out that I too have had my own issues surrounding depression but mainly more situational type stuff and social anxiety. I just want to know why, did i do anything wrong? beyondblue's clinically-trained moderators often work offline (invisible to you) on issues relating to suicide or self-harm. At the same time, general supportive comments from the community are encouraged. If you have concerns around suicide or self-harm, please phone our support service on 1300 22 4636. Normal 0 false false false EN-AU X-NONE X-NONE /* Style Definitions */ table.MsoNormalTable {mso-style-name:"Table Normal"; mso-tstyle-rowband-size:0; mso-tstyle-colband-size:0; mso-style-noshow:yes; mso-style-priority:99; mso-style-parent:""; mso-padding-alt:0cm 5.4pt 0cm 5.4pt; mso-para-margin-top:0cm; mso-para-margin-right:0cm; mso-para-margin-bottom:10.0pt; mso-para-margin-left:0cm; line-height:115%; mso-pagination:widow-orphan; font-size:11.0pt; font-family:"Calibri","sans-serif"; mso-ascii-font-family:Calibri; mso-ascii-theme-font:minor-latin; mso-hansi-font-family:Calibri; mso-hansi-theme-font:minor-latin; mso-bidi-font-family:"Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-theme-font:minor-bidi; mso-fareast-language:EN-US;}

Struggling to help depressed, anxious and drug-addicted boyfriend

replies: 2

Hi everyone, I am sure that this has been posted a number of times but I have not been able to find anything totally synonymous with my circumstances. About 6 months ago, I became involved with a boy (21) who I knew had struggled with mental illness ... View more

Hi everyone, I am sure that this has been posted a number of times but I have not been able to find anything totally synonymous with my circumstances. About 6 months ago, I became involved with a boy (21) who I knew had struggled with mental illness for a number of years - but truthfully (having never suffered from any form of mental illness myself), I couldn't have known what this entailed. He has depression, anxiety, social anxiety, severe mood swings and he is addicted to marijuana (smokes every day just to survive). He has episodes in which he turns against me and I fear the relationship is becoming abusive. He has withdrawn socially over the past year, meaning he has very few true friends left. His parents are obtuse and absent. I feel that I am the only real support he has. He'll tell me I don't do enough for him or that I'm making things worse but in the morning will say I'm the only person he loves, I mean everything to him etc. etc. etc. I have implored him to see his GP but he claims that he does not have the money to consistently see a psychologist (he is sceptical about them) and that the anti-depressants he was on years ago didn't work (he does not listen when I tell him that they are incredibly finicky and can take months to find the right dosage). He has said when he gets a higher paying job he will pursue treatment but I'm not sure either of us can wait that long. Is there anything I could say to persuade him to take action sooner? Furthermore, (I know how insensitive this may sound) but it frustrates me that he isn't trying other/free methods. I have done extensive reading and people claim that consistent exercise and eating a balanced diet help. He says he will join the gym when he gets a higher paying job but until then he seems to have no plan to change his current lifestyle which is quite immobile and lacks routine. I'm struggling to know how to help him OR if this is not possible if it is safe to walk away. Ultimately, you can only help someone who wants to help themselves and while he claims he wants help, I don't feel he's truly ready yet. I am wracked with guilt at the thought of leaving and have no idea how I would go about it without further isolating and hurting him but I also cannot see this relationship being long-term when it is so unstable, draining and hurtful for both of us. Has anyone been through this? Any advice would be warmly welcomed.

I just want someone to talk to

replies: 13

I've been through a bit over the years. I've never had anyone to stand with me and talk, or just someone to be there. I Donno All those years of thinking to myself that I don't need anyone or anything. I don't need to talk to people when I'm in a rou... View more

I've been through a bit over the years. I've never had anyone to stand with me and talk, or just someone to be there. I Donno All those years of thinking to myself that I don't need anyone or anything. I don't need to talk to people when I'm in a rough space, or when people are giving me a hard time. I hit college, and it was like nobody cared. None of the teachers did anything when I went from a straight a student, to a failure. Next thing you know, I've dropped out. And I don't think anyone really noticed. I wish I had someone to talk to, through that school phase especially. I just want someone to ask me, what is on my mind, and just keep asking until I finally give in to them and blurt it all out. It will never happen. I will forever hold everything in. I can't talk about it here. It just feels, nothing

Pinned discussions

New to this Forum? Please read this first!

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All discussions

I want rid of the stigma!

replies: 1

Health anxiety is taking over me.

replies: 1

Need help

replies: 1

I Feel Nothing

replies: 1

feeling alone and insecure that causes me to pick my face

replies: 2

Stuck!

replies: 1

Anxiety Worse After Starting University

replies: 2

She completely cut me out.

replies: 3

Struggling to help depressed, anxious and drug-addicted boyfriend

replies: 2

I just want someone to talk to

replies: 13

Young people

New to this Forum? Please read this first! replies: 0

I want rid of the stigma! replies: 1

Health anxiety is taking over me. replies: 1

Need help replies: 1

I Feel Nothing replies: 1

feeling alone and insecure that causes me to pick my face replies: 2

Stuck! replies: 1

Anxiety Worse After Starting University replies: 2

She completely cut me out. replies: 3

Struggling to help depressed, anxious and drug-addicted boyfriend replies: 2

I just want someone to talk to replies: 13

New to this Forum? Please read this first!

replies: 0

I want rid of the stigma!

replies: 1

Health anxiety is taking over me.

replies: 1

Need help

replies: 1

I Feel Nothing

replies: 1

feeling alone and insecure that causes me to pick my face

replies: 2

Stuck!

replies: 1

Anxiety Worse After Starting University

replies: 2

She completely cut me out.

replies: 3

Struggling to help depressed, anxious and drug-addicted boyfriend

replies: 2

I just want someone to talk to

replies: 13