failure

[anon78]

I’m only 16, I’ve already dropped out of high school, I struggle with applying myself to every single thing I do. I have no interests or hobbies; or anybody to talk to about these things. I’d like to go back to high school and make friends, get my HSC and get into uni. But I feel like it’s too late, and I know if I go back I’ll hardly ever attend or do any work. I wish I could be like a normal teenager. I’m stuck in a tafe course that I hate being in. I feel like I can’t complain about my current position and state of my mental health because it’s all a result of my own actions, and because I’ve always been told that there’s others a lot worse off, which is true. I don’t want to end up constantly struggling financially and emotionally, I want a normal life with normal daily thoughts. I really don’t know what to do anymore. I still can go back to high school, but I want to apply myself to the best of my ability, which I can never see myself doing. I also really want to go back for the social aspect, I have little to no friends, I want my social life back, but with that being said, I have really bad social anxiety. I hate having my entire life being taken over by poor mental health. I never wanted to be labeled or seen as mentally ill because of the stigma around it, I never wanted to become a lonely high school dropout, also because of the stigma around it. I’m really embarrassed about my life and my actions. I really hate my life, I wish that if I had to go through all of this self-loathing, loneliness and failing it could’ve been later in my life. I’m terrified for my future, also a future that I don’t even want. I think that I’m just an extremely lazy person. I don’t expect anybody to genuinely care or to respond to this, I just needed to let it all out somewhere.

[Sophie_M]

Hi anon78,
Please know that you've come to a safe, non-judgemental space to talk things through, and our community is here to offer as much support, advice and conversation as you need as we know it hard going through this alone.
If you would like some help finding mental health support, we would recommend that you get in contact with the Beyond Blue Support Service. They are available 24/7 by phone on 1300 22 4636 or on Webchat 1pm-12am AEST on our website: www.beyondblue.org.au/getsupport  One of our friendly counsellors will be able to talk through these feelings with you and can offer support, advice and referrals.
If you’d like there is always support which may be helpful and your always welcome to get in touch with Kids Helpline  They are a confidential and anonymous, telephone and online counselling service specifically for young people aged 25 and under. In addition there is Headspace. Headspace is an organisation specifically for young people aged 12-25 and they offer a wide range of services including group programs which are a great opportunity to meet people. They also have a group chat on their webpage.
 

[Eucalyptus009]

Thank you for that anon. You summarised all the thoughts and feelings I’ve had over the last several months which is something my silly little head hasn’t managed. This was meant to be a compliment but I think I’ve said ‘I’ too many times and I can’t say anything else because I’m an idiot with no social skills.

[anon78]

Hey that’s okay, I’ve always struggled with expressing how I truly felt, and finding people who felt the same way. I’m glad I could help. Your response was completely fine too, there was nothing wrong with it, don’t be so harsh on yourself.

[therising]

Hi anon78

I feel so much for you as you undertake not just a self assessment but also as you find yourself assessing your direction in life. It's a massive undertaking no matter our age. I'm glad you gave yourself the freedom to come here.

While it's been a few decades since I was in secondary school, my daughter completed year 12 last year and my son's completing year 10 this year. If there's one thing the 3 of us agree on, it's the fact that school has not changed all that much over the years. It can be incredibly boring and highly stressful, in general. That's kind of insane when you think about it. While you may say you're lazy, you gotta give yourself credit for having tried to focus on what can be incredibly boring, for all those years you were at school. What I love best about the outstanding teachers is how much they realise learning can be boring. You know the kinds of teachers who bring a little more excitement or lightheartedness into the classroom, as well as outside the square teaching strategies.

My son's more of a visual learner, with a truly outstanding imagination. The opposite is an aural learner, who learns better through listening to what's being taught. When much of school is based on aural learning it can be more than just challenging for a visual learner, it can get depressing, leading them to wonder what's wrong with them. It's not them, it's the way the system's not set up for visual learners. Such a system can help set kids up for a sense of failure. That's pretty messed up, in my opinion.

If you know what kind of learner you are, this can be a good start when it comes to returning to learning.

Do you feel you can speak to your parents about this new direction you want to take? While it might be a challenge for them to hear, it's a parent's job to be up for a challenge. Being a parent can be far from easy at times but that's just a part of the job. Explaining to them that you want to return yet you need new ways of managing, including new strategies for managing social anxiety, may help them see how serious you are about this. It's like you don't want to return as the same person, you want to return as a different person, more effective at managing challenges.

Btw, people who experience mental health challenges are the strongest of people, for they manage through a deeply challenging filter/perception. You're far stronger than you realise 🙂

Do you feel you're more of a visual learner? Do you have a pretty good imagination?

[chadicha]

Hey, I'm really sorry your experiencing this and I'm so glad you were brave enough to share. Firstly, you have not ruined your life at all! Figuring things out career wise/academically/socially is so much more difficult when your struggling mentally. But believe me, you are not whats happening to you (even if you make these choices you later regret). Your worth inherently, in who you are, all your future dreams, what you love and drives your spirit is far more powerful than the shackles of mundanity, inner-conflicts or not knowing what to do at the moment.

I want to assure you also, no matter what decision you make from here on in whether you go back because you feel its right, or to continue with tafe, or even to work casually or change courses completely. Whatever you do your still moving forward and its all progress, because it helps you come closer to where your really meant be and your purpose in life. Making a wrong decision and realising you feel horrible being somewhere might be exactly what you need to push you into a more passionate area of your life to pursue your dreams. Please don't limit yourself just because of your current situation. If it makes you feel better, I changed schools and went back to the same school years later just because I felt it was right thing to do! (And even then I had moments of regret and people always questioning me, got bullied and probably copped it a lot worse but I came out stronger!) Do what you feels right inside for your wellbeing and path you envision yourself most happy in.

Another piece of advice I feel compelled to give, is see this as a clean slate for a new beginning. Thats the beauty of life, you really can create a new life whenever you want. You are in the perfect position to choose a new path and create your own story! You are so strong and this chapter is only going to build you up to the amazing heights your going to reach in life.