Everything is just so overwhelming

[alsatianwolf]

Just a small vent here. I am feeling so lost at the moment. I don't even know which topic to talk about because there's just too many seperate things causing me stress and anxiety right now. I can talk about one thing: I have often been getting into these awful moods where I can't even explain why I'm sad and angry and frustrated, I just am. And I just kind of sit around staring at nothing or resting my head in my knees and just existing. The slightest inconvenience causes me to cry. I could drop a pencil and suddenly I'm bawling my eyes out and all my problems snowball into a big angry heap. But the whole thing only lasts about day to a week and then I'm fine again.

I'm in a mood like this right now and I honestly don't even have the energy to keep explaining anything else. I don't have the energy for anything. It just feels like there's a thousand wasps in my head clouding my thoughts and making me feel so horrible. The only thing I feel like doing is getting in my car and driving until I run out of fuel. I feel bad because my mum is sort of trying to help me but I am so irritable and fatigued that I don't want anything to do with anyone.

The annoying part is I know this will only last a short time and then I'll be back to "normal" again but right now it just the worst feeling in the world.

[Croix]

Dear Alsatianwolf~

I love the picture of your dog, trusting, happy, alert, expectant. I had Shephards for many years and they were an absolute delight (except when they bowled me over in an excess of enthusiasm:).

Reading about your current therapist and your study I had a couple of thoughts.

Others too have said that if you can be direct and ask -"You are trying to help me recover long-term, however I will feel like this in the next day or so (or right now), what can I do right at the time to help stop feeling that way? Also what can I do for the long term?"

I use a free smartphone app called Smiling Mind. It takes some practice but has lots of different levels, one to suit anyone, including me. I started off with the attention span of a gnat, but found an exercise that 'nagged me' often enough to keep my wayward mind on track.

It helps break up continuous unhappy thoughts or worries, and leaves me in a calmer state

https://www.smilingmind.com.au/smiling-mind-app

I know that studying anything is hard right now, this is worth it if you can persevere.

Talking of study, I expect you have fallen into exactly the same trap as I did, which was to judge myself by 'normal' standards when I was ill. When one has a mental health condition the world is not the same. Performance is right down and ordinary everyday tasks can seem impossible - plus motivation is simply not there either.

I needed to view each small thing I did as a victory, not the whole of everything as a great big defeat -and my fault.

Getting up. Not being angry, doing one small task, opening up abut my problems in part to another ... and so one. Each of those is a win, something to use as a lever for the next one, "I did that, in future I may be able to do so and so". Do you get the idea?

You blaming you for not doing the impossible is simply not right.

As I'm sure you know, you are welcome here anytime

Croix