Emotionless

[Tired]

It's kind of strange. I have this overwrought feeling of sadness and yet I don't really feel anything at all.

I can't stop procrastinating doing my work. I don't want to fail, in fact I'm fairly sure I have an unhealthy fear of failure but whenever I go to do work I feel as though it's not worth it, yet when I see the minutes tick by submission time I cry and feel like my heart is being wrenched out of me. 

I've thought of suicide a few times but overall I know I won't as I have two things stopping me, my family and my cowardice. I love my family so much and I know they love me but I honestly don't think I'm worth their love. I'm nothing special and I never have been. I always get ok grades, I'm not some hidden genius nor a bimbo with no brain, I'm just as boring as everyone else really, I don't have anything I am really interested in, though I can spend hours online not doing anything.

 It sort of feels like a cloud over my eyes. I know my old self is pulling at me and I know I would have felt angry or happy at certain things so I can fake it easily, but really it just all seems like this fog has dulled down all my senses except sadness and that is only overall not to little things like it used to be.

 I have 'friends'. Their nice people really but I've learned through life experience that no one really cares about anyone other than themselves. They haven't noticed a change in me and I'm pretty sure if I just never contacted them again they wouldn't really be bothered. Actually that's how I feel about everything, as if my existence may as well just slip away.

I'm pretty sure I'll never do anything great for the world and looking at how overpopulated the world is I know it really doesn't need me here acting like a sorry arse consuming consuming consuming. People like to tell you to be grateful for what you have as there are a lot of people with much bigger problems than you and perhaps you should be thinking about them. Well I do actually. I think that it's not fair that I, little miss unhappy and worthless, shouldn't be here, I would love to swap with someone who's having a hard life because they would deserve this life much more than I do.

Anyway this is just a very long rant about a few things that I've been thinking , I doubt anyone will bother reading it as it is so long, and I don't blame them, I don't really blame anyone, I get people have their own life problems and I'm just acting like a bit of a twat but oh well.

There you go.

[mdntimp]

Hi there 🙂 
I read this, and knew I had to sign up straight away.
If you would like someone to chat to, I would be more than willing to help out 🙂
Everything you wrote here makes me feel extremely nostalgic, I've felt all these feelings before. Just remember, you have to value yourself. I know it can be so hard. But give yourself credit for even the smallest achievements you make. Value yourself and then the rest will come. Work hard in school so you can build yourself a life in which you will have amazing family, friends, success and happiness. The world may be full of people but you are here for a reason, you are not a mistake, it is a miracle you were born. Remember that 🙂 There is more than this, we are only here for a split second. And then, we are gone. Make the most of your life and smile as much as you can.

[Mr_J]

You sir sound just like me some times.

1. Your family does deserve your love

2. You deserve your love

Sure life can be shitty but really saying "I'll never do anything great for the world" is one reason why it shouldn't be. Only those that think about wanting to change the world really do. You sir are thinking about it, you're just not doing it yet. You know you can, you might not know what it is. But it will come to you. It might be helping granny across the street or bringing the next Apple to the world. Whatever it is, find the right fit for yourself and be happy that you've got that time to spend changing someones life. Even if you fail to change someones life, try to succeed in changing the most important of all. Your own.

P.s sitting on the internet is fun lol So embrace the procrastinate sometimes.

Muchos Luvos

 J

[L0N3R]

You just put how I feel in words, got any advise?

[Sophie_M]

Hi L0N3R, welcome to the forums and congratulations on making a first post.

This is quite an old thread you've posted to, so you're not likely to get a reply here. We would suggest starting your own thread for support, and telling us a little more about your situation and how we might help.