Does the sadness last forever?

[LuLu_]

Hello to those who are reading

I have been struggling with severe depression for a couple of years now. There have been many influential and significant events in the most important years of my life that have shaped who I am and I believe I will forever be changed for better or for worse.

I was wondering. Will a small piece of my depression be with me forever? Will a small piece of the extreme sadness I have felt stay within?

Please share your recovery journey or any thoughts that are on your mind. Any support and knowledge would be appreciated.

Lulu

[Birdy77]

Hi lulu 😊

I just saw this thread for the first time.

We talked on the other thread earlier, and i just wanted to pop in here so that your thread will come up more easily for me now that I've tagged it or whatever the term is 🤔.

Talk to you soon.

🌻birdy

[LuLu_]

Croix

My parents are so supportive it is overwhelming. Which makes me feel bad because when I am down I can’t give much. They expect a lot even though they say they don’t.

I suspect I have a lot more support than most people which makes me feel ungrateful. It’s just hard when you want the support but in a different way. My parents just can’t understand the real meaning of depression and all it’s horrible confusing aspects.

I am sorry for the short reply.

Thank you for your insight it has been very helpful. Your way of writing is wonderful. I want to believe what you say is true but I’m not sure I can just yet.

thank you again

lulu

[LuLu_]

Hi Birdy

Thank you so much for taking the time to pop in and also for caring enough to want to be apart of my thread.

Your support is much appreciated.

lulu

[Croix]

Dear LuLu~

I was talking before about being isolated behind a 'glass' barrier and being a disembodied unfeeling entity remote from everything.

To reset my mind I've found the free smartphone app Smiling Mind can give the brain a rest and prepare it for new thoughts -if that makes any sense.

I don't know if you have used it before, if not give it a try, it does take practice so the effect takes time to acquire. I'm spurred on to make the effort as I want to leave those horrible feelings behind.

Croix

[Birdy77]

Hello lulu,

How are you feeling, have you been able to do something nice for yourself this weekend?

Sorry it has taken me a while to get back to you, i hadn't forgotten you.

Over on DB's thread you asked about choosing happiness, and whether we can in fact do this.

I think it is possible to change our thinking, and yes, to choose happiness, but i don't think it's easy.

I think it takes persistence and sometimes a bit of fake it til you make it.

For me, I've been in a phase of deep sadness lately. Sadness around real circumstances and events, but my depression has been coaxing me to go further and further down, like, let's wallow in this, let's curl up together and get really comfy. For some reason, the last little while i have allowed it to coax me. I think the so cslled "festive season" triggered some of that for me.

But I've decided enough is enough. I don't feel happy, i don't feel "up" but i am forcing myself to get out of that comfy embrace and shake the cobwebs and "choose" happiness. It's not working too well all the time 😂 but I'm trying!

I forced myself to deal with some chores yesterday that I've been ignoring and because they're garden chores, the chores keep getting bigger and bigger (ie they are literally growing). So yesterday i felt like curling up and wallowing, but i went outside and started chipping away at those jobs. It took a while but i started to feel happy and achieving something and felt motivated to do more. I became totally lost in it and my sadness and worries lifted.

This is a very simplistic example, i realise this, but it was such a simple thing, and the fact was that i did choose. I chose not to keep my depression company, but to get out there and do something that will help me to feel better about myself even though i didn't feel like it. Forced myself to, and i chose happiness.

It maybe fleeting, but it motivates to want to make mkre of those feelings of peace and relaxation. It was fake it til you make it and i made it.

I hope it's ok to answer you here on your thread 😊

Hoping that you can choose happiness, if only for 5 minutes today. Every moment of happiness is a good moment.

Take care lulu

🌻birdy

[LuLu_]

Hi Croix

so sorry for the late reply. I have been up and down. Busy and distracted. I have downloaded the app. I haven’t used it yet but I will give it a go.

I feel very alone and sad. The distractions are how I get through. But times of stress are ahead and I am afraid I will crumble.

Thank you for your support and care I appreciate everything you say

lulu

[Doolhof]

Hi LuLu,

Just dropping by to say HI and to hope you are doing okay.

You mentioned you had some stressful times approaching. Hope you are coping . It can be tough when we are bombarded with stuff.

Distractions are good! They certainly help to keep our mind occupied on something else.

Really do hope you are okay.

Cheers from Dools

[LuLu_]

Hi Dools

Its funny how people are there at the right time. Right now I am feeling sad. I always feel I am invisible. The one left out. The afterthought. The shadow. The person who doesn’t matter that much. I feel that tonight.

I feel sad. I feel sad that my friends sort of forget about me. I feel sad that I don’t matter as much to people as they do to me. I feel like I will never be anything special. I will just be me. Always mediocre. Perhaps boring. I feel small. I feel like one day I will disappear for all the parts that make me me are slowly being taken away from me. My energy is spent. My worth non existent to myself. I feel I am nothing. I feel insignificant. I feel I don’t matter. I feel I am fading away.

Tomorrow I will probably feel fine which makes this moment even harder. I feel like a fake.

I go back to school this week to finish off the second half of year 12. The half I couldn’t complete last year. I feel so much dread because I must force myself to go to a place that made me feel so horrible and so lonely. School became a catalyst for all my darkest thoughts. It makes me feel like a failure. It pushes me towards the deepest darkest hole. Perhaps I could dissapear. Run away so I don’t have to go back.

But of course my parents want me to so desperately thrive. I will do anything to make them happy and to think I will be fine.

I am sorry for so much negativity.

Tonight isn’t the best time for me.

I suppose in these moments I truly wonder if this sadness and loneliness will ever leave me. It is deep within.

It hurts to live. It hurts to be me. What I would give to pass my life to someone more worthy. I don’t deserve this life.

How are you Dools? Is the world being kind to you? I hope it is. I hope you feel you aren’t alone.

Lulu

[Doolhof]

Dear Lulu,

Our thoughts and feelings can make us feel so insecure, unlovable, unworthy and lonely. I too have these thoughts often, then I tell myself they are just thoughts and I can do something about how I am feeling.

Returning to school to complete your year 12 is something I hope you can turn into a positive thing. Walk into the school with your head held high, tell yourself you can do this.

Do you have interests and activities that you enjoy doing outside of school? Maybe set things up to do as a reward for getting through a week of school.

Over the years I have grown to like my own company and to feel comfortable with the person I am. My husband and I have different interests for example, so I will go to the beach for a walk by myself, as a girlfriend to join me at the movies and so on.

Think about just one thing you do like about yourself, and expand on that. I really enjoy the way you write and express yourself. Your words are very easy to read and flow well. You can "paint" a picture well through words.

We are all so different Lulu, not all of us are blessed with the same character, personalities, looks or what ever else makes us who we are.

You mentioned that people matter to you, to me that means you are aware of others, you appreciate who they are and that to me makes you a lovely person. So many people walk through this life only thinking of themselves.

Maybe at school you might notice someone else who is really struggling whom you can reach out to. Does the school have a mentoring program or student assistance program that you could become involved in? By giving to others we are sometimes equally rewarded ourselves.

Dear Lulu, I hope your day feels a little brighter! Don't give up on hope and possibilities!

Cheers fro now from Dools

[LuLu_]

Hi dools

thank you so much for your reply and kind thoughts

my mind is tired and I don’t have the words. I will return soon to reply to you. You deserve more than the reply I can give at this moment

i hope you are well

lulu