Hi All. I'm a teenager in highschool and have never, ever been one to be involved in romantic relationships. I'm not the most attractive person out there and haven't even had my first kiss (which you may feel be reasonably normal, but at my age people engage in relationships and sex like it's nothing). I also have depression, and so am quite aware of the previous facts as I not even I like myself. There's a boy that lives up my street that I recently became close to. Everyone has always known we had been friends but recently, even I can see we have been spending a lot more time together.
I know what you're all expecting but one thing: this boy likes one of my closest friends. This boy, lets call him Jason, left a relationship with a girl (he is also not one you'd think of being involved in a relationship but I guess he's gotten luckier than me) and so it was a surprise when he and one of my closest friends, lets call her Betty, admitted they like eachother. This never bothered me, It was strange but I've been accepting of the fact as long as it started. But then Jason started showing depressive symptoms and so I would help him considering I have faced everything he is currently going through. He'd message me at night, we'd empathise, he had a horrible birthday so I invited him over at night to eat food. Even my mum would tell me to be careful because Betty could be jealous but I knew I didn't like Jason. I even messaged Betty to confirm I had no interest in Jason. But the more I did this, the more I felt upset whenever I wasn't around Jason.
Recently Jason's family invited me to sleepover and I spent the whole night with him. We talked about music, played games, discussed our depression and then talked about relationships. I'd ask Jason how far he'd gone with his relationships, realising how much I loved Jason (sorry for the cringe. I'm gagging reading this). I told him that I feel I need someone to love me because my depression is telling me I can never be loved. I told him my brother who has severe depression can't be in a relationship because if it ends badly he will self destruct, but I feel like I need the opposite. His responses of 'you're still young' highlighted that he doesn't love me, even though we have so much more connected. And so now I ask, do you think I am hurting myself? I'm not trying to sabotage Betty- I just feel loved when I'm with him. what if I'm doing the same thing my brother is kept away from. What do you suggest I do?Thank you
