Hallucinations- I don't know what's real anymore- How do I deal with them?

[Chloe_M]

Hi all,

so you probably have seen me around on the forums, just a bit of background if you don't know me:

• My names Chloe, I'm in high school
• i have undiagnosed anxiety and depression (probably)
• i self harm when I am anxious
• i am obsessed with checking my school diary and washing my hair
• my best friend who is also my ex dumped me which is why I'm dealing with so much atm
• he now has a new gf 😞
• over the past 2 weeks or so, I have started hallucinating

When the hallucinations arrive, I am usually vulnerable. Whether that be that I am depressed, or anxious, just had a panic attack etc. they aren't there for long, but they hurt me. I usually see my ex, walking towards me as though he is going to hug me. I reach out for him and then *poof* the visions gone and I'm left alone.

Does anyone know how to deal with hallucinations? They don't happen often, but the rarity of them is lessening and they are appearing for longer and more often I don't know what to do. Any help would be appreciated.

Chloe

[BrookeK]

Hi Chloe,

I'm sorry to hear about you and your now ex boyfriend.

It sounds like you are dealing with the stress of what has happened. I know that loosing your closest friend who happens to be your boyfriend can be incredibly hard. Have you spoken to your family or friends about what you are feeling and seeing?

I feel often we imagine we see things (like old friends, boyfriends and even loved ones) when we loose them suddenly. I know i experienced similar hallucinations when my first boyfriend and i broke up and when i lost my grandmother. I really suggest speaking to a friend or a family member - they can offer you help and at the very least a listening ear.

[White_Rose]

Dear Chloe

You are very brave telling us your story. You have been a great help to others answering posts and I am certain your words have been gratefully received. It's time now to concentrate on your own well-being. There are many people on the forum who have started out being helpful and found their own circumstances put them in need of help. I know I have not been around much for several months due to circumstances in my life. If I had continued to work as much as I have in the past I think I would be in a bad way now. It's only when you start to get better that you realise how unwell you have been.

So what can you do? Brooke has rightly pointed to the stress in your life and the possible effects of that stress. In fact stress plays a major role in shaping our lives and is not necessarily bad. Sometimes it is a bit of a wake up call.

You have said these hallucinations are becoming more frequent and lasting longer which I find rather worrying. Do you take medication for your depression or any meds at all. Sometimes they can have a strange effect on people. I know because I have all sorts of reactions to meds and not just the antidepressants. The easiest way to investigate what is happening to you is to see your GP. He/she will have a much better idea of what is going on for you and possible causes.

It's true we do 'see' old friends etc at times but usually we have seen someone who looks like the person we know. I started a conversation with someone because I thought I knew her. Needless to say the conversation did not get far as I realised my mistake. Whoops!

It is also possible that your very natural desire to see your ex-bf results in having what you call an hallucination. I also suggest you tell your parents what is happening, or at least your mom. Ask her to take you to the GP if you are nervous about going alone.

One other suggestion is about your diet. When we are very distressed eating is not one of our priorities. Eating smaller meals for a while is probably OK but I do urge you to keep yourself hydrated. Make sure you drink plenty of water as being dehydrated can also cause odd things to happen as well as being bad for your health.

Will you keep us up to date with what is happening please.

Mary

[Chloe_M]

Hi Brooke,

Ah yes, if only it were that simple. I'm not allowed a boyfriend. My parents didn't know, so I can't tell them. Theyd kill me.

My friends are sick of it- sick of me. It happened 6 months ago yesterday and they are annoyed that I'm not "over him". We are best friends again but I still love him. But he doesnt love me. Half of me wants to move on, to let go, we could be better best friends and it would be so much easier on me. But the other half wants to hold on to that sliver of hope that he'll come back, he'll realise what he's done and he'll come back.

I am seeing a psychologist soon. I will talk to her.

Thank you for the reply 🙂

chloe

[Chloe_M]

Hi Mary,

i have no medication, as I am undiagnosed, however went to the GP this afternoon and he put me in the anxiety and depression category so to speak, he said the psych I have been referred to will make a proper and more in depth diagnosis.

As I said in my reply to Brooke, am not allowed a bf my parents are very overprotective. I however will tell my psych because confidentiality and all that.

I will try my best to stay hydrated and eat well, however not today ahaha got my braces tightened 😬 It hurts so not much food today.

thanks for your reply

i will try and take better care of myself

chloe

[blondguy]

Hi Chloe

Good on you for posting your thread topic...Its shows you are really pro-active with your health..Good1

I understand you Chloe as I also had mega strict (controlling) parents when I was in high school too...It doesnt do much for our stress levels.

Brooke and Mary have provided great support above which is nice

I know you have seen me post the abbreviation 'GP' for ages. Is there any way you can make a double appointment with your GP as well? This would be a huge confidence booster for you at this stage. I think you are amazing to have already organised an appointment with a psychologist...excellent attitude!

You have a lot happening in your life at present....High School is tough enough on its own without including any personal/family issues!

What are your thoughts re seeing a GP? (if I may ask of course)

Note: Great effort and congrats on your achievements on the forums...Well done to you 🙂

You are never alone here Chloe

Paul

[Chloe_M]

Hi Paul,

i actually saw my GP yesterday. He referred me to a psych which I will see soon. I was very comfortable talking to my GP.

However, I did not mention hallucinations as I had not much time and he said we needn't go into to much depth, as I will be going to the psychologist soon.

Thank you for your support 🙂

chloe

[White_Rose]

Hello Chloe

I am dropping in to say hello and how are you today. I have read your posts and those of others. Support is a great thing.

So pleased you have talked to your GP. It's a pity you did not mention the hallucinations. A good GP will give you extra time if you have several things to discuss, particularly something very important. Perhaps you can make another appointment and this time book a double appointment, especially if you do not have an appointment with the psychologist. Can you make an early appointment to see the psychologist?

Mary

[Croix]

Dear Chloe~

I've seen you around, popping in and helping others with sense and care, it's lovely to see and says a lot about you. The fact you are taking the end of that relationship so hard says more. You are a sensitive person and feel deeply. Bad I guess for you in the short term with the grief and loss, but maybe good in the long term, making you a more capable person, allowing you to understand others and interact more fully with them, a richer life.

I'm very glad you are going to get some medical support, though I would hope that you do mention the hallucinations and not keep it a secret. I know it can be disturbing to think one might have them, though as you can see from other's responses they do happen, and for a large variety of causes. Even a simple thing like working 24 hours straight and being sleep deprived has caused me to see things that appeared real but were not there.

I'm not suggesting yours are from the same cause, which I suspect is mainly due to stress and grief, but simply to show the mind does play tricks, it is not that unusual. I believe in your circumstances it still does need checking out though, if only for your own long term peace of mind.

Parents who control are a mixed blessing, I guess the reason they do so is the most important thing. If they see you as a real person and wish to protect you due to their love then even if they came down too much on the protective side it is understandable and can be acceptable. If they do so for other reasons maybe not. I'd suspect in your parent's case it is from love - what do you think?

I hope someone else soon comes into your life to fill the gap. I'm sure there is someone for everyone.

Croix

[Chloe_M]

Hi Croix,

Yes I am a very sensitive person. Its good sometimes, bad sometimes, like you said; and it really depends on the situation.

I will see what I can do about another appt.

And yes my parents overly overprotectiveness I think comes from love.

For now I'm going to just wait. I'm not going to go looking or someone. If the right person comes along, they come along. if they don't, they don't.

Thanks for your support 🙂

Chloe