Dear Sarah
Hello and welcome to Beyond Blue. A bit of a contradiction here. You don't like your job but don't want to let the company down. I think you are demonstrating a sense of responsibility and trying to apply this in your own life. May I ask, why do you need to apply for your own job? Is the company going through a restructure of some kind.
Employees are sick given leave and annual leave for a reason, to prevent overload and general burnout. Don't feel bad if you need to take time off.
You know yourself very well it seems and I think you know the answer to your questions. Book a long appointment with your GP and talk about all these things that are troubling you.
You may well be depressed, I don't know. Look under The Facts above and click on Anxiety and Depression Checklist K10. This is a simple self test to see if you could be depressed. You already know you are anxious. It's not a diagnostic tool just general quizz. Take this test to your GP. It will at least start the process of getting help.
I understand you do not want a panic attack at all. The best way to avoid this is to take steps to reduce the risk. Not much you can do about work. The selection process will take it's own time. Your mental health is something you can work on.
Have a chat with your GP, talk about all the events happening in your life, show the completed K10. I am certain your GP will want to ask you some questions. Be open about this. If there is an offer of medication, talk about it. Above all, do start attending to your needs and getting back on your feet.
Mary
