Depressed/Feel Lost

[Busguy1631]

Hi Everyone,

I am new on here and just looking for some advice with recent feelings and experiences. I am in my mid 20's and finished my Bachelor of Business in February this year. I also returned to the workforce after not being able to find work for over 6 months. At first it was great as the job is part time so I can achieve work/life balance and help manage my Anxiety.

Now it is July and despite constant applying, having one or two interviews, working with a career mentor and going to a networking event I can not find work in my chosen field (my current job is a really boring and unstimulating admin job). Basically I gave gotten to the point that on my days off and after work I feel hopeless and depressed as this is not how I pictured it to be after uni. My fatigue is increasing and all weekend I just wake up feeling like there is no point getting up because I am a failure. I waste the entire time in my pyjamas just glaring at the tv feeling depressed and sad.

I feel like I have no goals and I have really gone off the thought of getting a full time job in a corporate environment and being stuck there for the rest of my life. My parents say I should get a hobby to help take my mind of things but I literally have no interest in anything I use to. Despite feeling lonely I rarely socialise with my friends or want to leave the house. Someone recently invited me to a networking event on LinkedIn and my social anxiety is going out the roof. I feel like they are pressuring me to go there and I don't even want to meet them (even though I know I could meet people who could help me get a job in my field). How do I tell him I don't want to go without sounding rude (also he is a stranger I don't want to tell him I have severe anxiety and feel depressed).

Anyway I am so sorry for rambling. In summary I am really concerned about my increased feeling of hopelessnes, being called lazy, lack of motivation, wanting to sleep all day and be awake at night and wanting to just block everyone out of my life and move away and start fresh. My key problem is anything that can help me get a job in my field makes me extremely anxious (eg going back to full time work for the forst time since March 2017, answering the phone for an interview (call centres and speaking on phone is a trigger for my anxiety) or meeting strangers to network (social anxiety makes me very anxious and I feel like everyone is judging me or doesn't want me there).

Please help me with tips to overcome this.

[JessF]

Hello Busguy, depression and anxiety can be a bit like quicksand. They feed off each other, and the deeper you go, and the longer you are in, the longer it takes to get out.

From your post, I feel that this sense you have of being a failure at not being able to find full time work in your chosen field is more than just a feeling for you, you are taking it on board as a fact. And this is why you are getting anxious at taking steps toward going to networking events and the like. For example, thinking 'I am a failure, if I meet someone at a networking event, they'll find me out and I'll make a fool of myself and ruin any chance I had of getting a job'.

I have done this, it is a thing called 'catastrophising', where a little nugget of an anxious thought blows up out of all proportions and cripples you from doing anything.

The way out is to acknowledge that these feelings are there, and act against what they are telling you. If the social anxiety is biting really hard, then you can set smaller goals for yourself as a way of getting yourself out of the house. For example, you might take a friend along with you. Or make a deal with yourself that you will talk to two people at the event, and then go home. Once you're there, you may very well find the anxiety slips away as you start interacting with people. The sense of achievement you'll feel afterwards will be worth it.

This is how you start chipping away at that anxious demon, one bit at a time. It's the same with depression. Give yourself a time on the weekend that you will be up and out of bed, just like during the week. Give yourself a routine that you can stick to. Sometimes the action has to come before the feeling, as hard as that can be.

Good luck.

[HamSolo01]

Hey there Busguy1631

I want to start by saying I know exactly how you feel. I finished my degree at the start of the year and the transition phase has been a challenge. Balancing this with mental health has a been a real challenge. I studied an arts degree and majored international studies and government. A broad area, but very interesting and relevant. The challenge I face at the moment is balancing need and desire. The need for money, self determination, moving out of home, growing up and then the desire to chase a dream in a field I am very interested in. This is hard, so I appreciate the general sense of disharmony you have in relation to wanting to get a better job in something you are interested in AND balancing your anxieties.

I currently work casually in the call centre of my old uni. I hate the job. It's soul crushing. However, I realised early on that I needed to do it in order to gain experience. I had nothing prior to this. Rather than get stuck on that fact, I found that I had to accept what was in front of me and then cultivate good lifestyle habits AROUND it. The reason I am telling you this is so that you can see I know the general sense of anxiety rather well. I now have two casual jobs, one in a field I like and one in a place I resent. I'm also looking at working a bit on the side for a mental health charity. So my point in telling you these things is to say that there is no harm in casual work in order to balance your mental health and your work life. NEVER forget that as sufferers of mental health, we need balance.

I know what you mean about networking events too. I went to one a few years back and had an anxiety attack whilst I was there because I wasn't studying honours and thought they would not give me the time of day. Just today I shot off an email to the SAME organisation asking them about their programs. The lesson there? Just do what you gotta do mate. That's all you can do. Sometimes you will fall and falter, sometimes you will struggle. But just keep on keeping on man 🙂 It DOES pay off in the long run. Only measure yourself according to your own standards. NEVER go according to another's.

Chip away at these things over time though. Remember you are not alone in this struggle at all. It's okay that your current gig is not enjoyable. Just work at moving out of it into something else whilst also managing your mental health. Management is the most important part. I'm happy to chat more if you like on this thread 🙂

[Busguy1631]

Thank you so much to everyone who provided their similiar experiences and support.

So I was going along really nicely for a few months. I have been to not 1, not 2 but 3 Networking events for emerging HR professionals and it was so nice just diving in and giving it a go. I have also been more proactive and confident in applying for jobs in HR and had a few assesment centres and interviews.

All sounds great and positive and I was beginning to think "Wow everything is going weirdly calm and my anxiety is barely there". Then last week good old friend catastrophizing come back. I had an event that triggered my anxiety. A close mentor who I had gained a highly regarded volunteer role from behaved very unprofessionally and quit the organisation and told me that it is a toxic environment and I should too. I slept on it for 24 hours instead of my usual "Ok make this go away now" approach. I sent my resignation to the Acting Manager and felt great because I felt I stood up for my values of not working somewhere that was toxic. Anyway my mentor emails me 1 hour before the board meeting was spose to start begging me to come back because he changed his mind and rescinded his resignation. I sent an email back thanking him for his offer but declined as I did not want to volunteer in an organisation that was toxic. He thanked me for honesty and contribution. Since then all my negative thoughts and feeling of being useless have come back and making me physically and mentally ill to the point I am just moping in bed cuddling my teddy bear (yes I am 24 and cuddle a bear to feel safe).

As a result of this I did really bad on an interview I had this morning as was not in the right head space.

Again sorry my rants I just I can't cope with having spurts of energy/enthusiasm and things going well and going back into a train wreck like I am now.