Confused with my life

Cjt121 · ‎31-10-2017

This is my first time doing this, and I’m very unsure of how to approach.

Im 20 years old and lately I haven’t really felt like myself. I have my good days and my bad. Today wasn’t so great but better than some of my worst. Basically, I’ve been feeling disconnected and alone even though I’ve got all I would want. I’m overthinking worst case scenarios to the point where I feel down.

I’m in a fairly new relationship at the moment with my boyfriend of almost 6 months. However, I’m kind of living between home and his place during the week and weekends, I kind of feel like I don’t have a home atm. Feeling like I have to choose between the two. My father refused to meet my boyfriend and I guess this is eating me up because I really want him to. In simple terms we have been through a bit of a rough patch my father and I.

I feel like I have no friends because I don’t see Them much anymore. I feel like they know what they are doing with their lives and getting it done whereas I’m taking forever and struggling.... helpless even. I sit here wishing I would be like I used to be, I feel like a changed person and I don’t know why. It’s scary and i’m Confused.

BballJ · ‎31-10-2017

Hi Cjt121,

Firstly, welcome to the forums. Well done for posting your story, it isn't easy asking for support and speaking about how you are feeling so good on you for that. You have joined a very safe and non judgemental environment here as well.

20 years old is still such a young age and a lot of things still do not make sense, I think not knowing exactly what you want to do is ok at 20 years old, I do not know if every 20 year old knows what they want to do with their life. Are you studying at the moment or working? Do you have an interest in any sort of career at the moment?

All these feelings you are having a valid and are right not to be brushed to the side, have you ever considered speaking to your GP about how you are feeling where they may refer you to a psychologist? I have dealt with anxiety for around 10 years mixed in with some depression and OCD and when I reached out for that help was when I finally started to get it under control. You can get there and start to feel reconnected again. I am not saying you have any mental health issues at all but saying speaking with your GP should be an option for you.

Please, post back as much as you like, we are always happy to talk.

My best for you,

Jay

lilsadgirl · ‎31-10-2017

Hi there!

Not to sound creepy but I just want to say that I have struggled with this the last few years. I'm your age as well! A long story short - my boyfriend and I have been together close to 3 years now, but I moved interstate to be with him earlier in the year. Being separated from my family back home has my doctors thinking this is the reason as to why my 'depression' has relapsed. Before the move I was travelling back and forth weekly. It was affecting my job, my life, everything. I felt like I needed to move. And at first I thought it was the right thing to do, but now I'm struggling more and more. I don't see my family, but I feel as if since the move my family and I have gotten closer? I don't know if that makes sense to you, but for me it does. I took a risk, and there have been a few bumps along the way (there's so much more to it which I don't know if you'd be interested to know... believe me, it's confusing haha) but just know that whatever you're feeling now.. is only temporary. When you're in a relationship with someone who truly loves you, you work extra hard to get through the hurdles that life throws at you.. together. As for friends, I've never really had many (so I may not be any help for you!!!) but with the move I did lose the ones that I was close with. It's something I struggle coping with. But I have made new friends through my new job and that's something that keeps me going everyday! I worry that I'm not doing much with my life and I'm worried sometimes that other people's lives are better than mine. I totally understand where you're coming from!!!!! I don't know if this is much help??? I'm new to this forum as well. Just know that you are not alone, and I am here if you need a chat!!!!!!

Cjt121 · ‎01-11-2017

I study and I work, my last semester at uni I haven’t been enjoying at all though because I don’t have any friends in these classes. I don’t find myself get along with many in the classes I’m in either. I also work, I like my job and the people I work with. But I do have to travel a fair way for work.

Ive thought about talking to my gp, but I do talk to my parents and boyfriend about it. They’re aware of how I feel. And I thought this would make me completely better but I still have my days where I don’t feel right. My dad says that anxiety runs in his side of the family.

im scared of losing my mind or something.

Cjt121 · ‎01-11-2017

I’m glad you understand ! Im not even moving that far from my family at all either, I’ll still be within driving distance. And I know it will be easy to see them. But knowing my father doesn’t want to meet my boyfriend yet makes me feel like he isn’t welcome and I have to choose between my family and a boy I love. And this is bringing in all the negative thoughts. How do you cope with that. I’ve thought about writing down my thoughts because I know I always feel better after letting it out verbally or in writing. Like I have here

lilsadgirl · ‎01-11-2017

To be completely honest with you, it took my family some time and adjustment and I did feel like I was picking my boyfriend over my family at times, but they came around and in the end they wanted to meet him. (I went through the whole I don't want to meet him why can't you meet a nice boy down here drama haha) but believe me, been there before. I ended up moving to be with him at the beginning of the year and even though my parents didn't fully approve they know it's what I wanted to do, and they couldn't say much so. If writing helps you, keep at it. Believe me, I've written so much over the years and yes it can be morbid but it feels so damn good to get it out am I right?! Just know that I completely understand you 10000% and I am here whenever you need me! Please let me know how everything is going and how you're feeling. I am here for you!!

BballJ · ‎01-11-2017

Hi Cjt121,

I understand what you are saying, it is hard to enjoy anything when you do have the friends you want with you but at the same time, have you tried getting to know the people in your class and what not?

You said you like writing things down and getting them out which is great, these forums are perfect for that and the only reason I suggest speaking with your GP and a psychologist is just they will allow you to speak about everything you are here but filtering it and breaking it down and seeing why it is causing you this issue. They almost dissect your way of thinking. You won't lose your mind. I have suffered from anxiety for a long time and my mind is still very much intact but my way of thinking is just different to everyone else. My psychologist helped me understand things and see why I was feeling the way I was feeling.

My best,

Jay

Cjt121 · ‎02-11-2017

This makes me feel better. Do you have any tips on how you coped with moving and making a change to your life?

Cjt121 · ‎02-11-2017

I did try being more social but they weren’t very enthusiastic about it. Maybe we were too different I’m not sure. Does it get better? Do the worries get less ? I feel like it may just be just a time for me to adapt to change. Writing my thoughts here have definitely helped.

lilsadgirl · ‎02-11-2017

The move did definitely have its ups and downs and those are some things that i'm dealing with now. But my relationship with my family has improved since the move and that makes me so happy. As for working, and just getting used to the feel of things, I'm struggling because I'm isolated and feel like I can't trust anyone here. I don't regret the move at all, but it has been hard for me. My psychologist feels as if the move triggered something inside me and my depression relapsed from my teenage years. I don't know if that made sense, but it's true. It is hard, but i don't want you to get the wrong idea from this post at all. I have my good days, and I have my bad (which is most of the time and I can't control it) ~ but at the end of the day, I have my boyfriend to go to bed with and wake up next to each day and it makes it so worth it to be honest. Things I guess do get better. For me i'm slowly getting there. The one positive is that my parents back home are really supportive of me, which is for them a first, and that makes everything a bit easier. It took it's time, but I know they're proud. Sometimes all you need is a little faith and patience, and you'll get there.