Confused about my friends

[confused1234]

Hello,

So I started at a new school in term 1 (it's term 2 now) and I settled in well, got along with all the guys and made some good friends.

Now, I'm not trying to be cocky or arrogant, but my grades are really high and I am above the average (again please don't take that as me being cocky, I don't really like talking about my academics), so I focus pretty hard at school. My plan was to spend term 1 settling in, make friends etc., then term 2 and onwards to knuckle down and get work done, whilst still maintaining my friends. Now that it's term 2, that's just what I've done. None of the other guys share the same view as me when it comes to school, but I made it clear in term 1 that I really want to succeed academically, and they seemed completely chill with it.

Now that it's term 2 and I've put my foot down, all the guys are acting strange around me. I get called names, and even though I know it's in good light and just a joke (because I give it back to them), it just seems like it means more on top of everything else. There was a party a week ago, nothing major, just the boys all playing x-box, but I didn't get invited. I get crap for not being sporty (even though I beat them all in cross country and the majority of the running events?) and it's at the point where it isn't a joke, and I'm pretty sure that they know that. I also found out today that they've been going to the basketball courts every Monday night to screw around and have fun, all apart from me.

Can someone please explain what is going on here? I'm really confused about this sudden change of behaviour and would like some insight.

Thank you.

[ro63]

Hi Confused,And welcome to the forums this is a safe place and no judgment here so Im glad you posted ,and I am sorry things like this happen to people especially those who work hard and feel punished for it.From where I sit to me it looks like good old fashioned jealousy,,if you are working hard to get ahead which is wonderfull ,but for some of your freinds who may feel you are leaving them in your dust they lash out the only way they know how ,and since they can't exactly come right out and say so to your face ,because that would send the message that they are intimidated by you,so the easier and stealth way to do the same thing, is to exclude you from things .so I think that is all it is .But at the same time please don't drop your standards and work ethic to appease some kids who may only be in your life a short time at school ,strive as you have to set up your own future, and the ones who are truly your freinds will stay and the ones you don't need will go ,it's a good way to sort the wheat from the chaff.All the best ,Ross.

[Nervybella]

Hey confused,

First of all, good on you for seeking advice and posting in here, it's not always easy.

Your high school experience sounds a bit like mine, had a good group of friends, however a large number of them were interested in the Arts, while I was more academic. It caused a few rifts.

Unfortunately, I think that high school brings out this type of behaviour in people.

As hard as it is, are you able to move away from this group? Maybe find some people with similar interests to yourself?

I partly agree with Ross. You don't necessarily need to confront these people, but maybe showing them that you have other friends or are achieving well will make them stop and think? I don't know, it's hard to comment from the outside

Fron my experience, speaking up didn't fix things, after my grandfather died when I was in year 11, my friends just stopped talking to me. I was removed from our group chat, and totally excluded. It was rough because I was grieving and needed some support.

When I finally said something "what have I don't to make this happen", the response was that I made them feel uncomfortable because I was sad.

I hate that teenagers act this way, and I really really hope you find a way to get through this.

Please feel free to come back and vent here, it can be quite therapeutic

Best,

Bella