Comittment...

[daisyqueen]

Hello all. Hope you're all doing okay.

Something has been playing on my mind for a while and being a rather self conscious person, I find it embarrassing to talk about but I thought I'd give it a shot.

One of my best friends from high school and I have been dancing around eachother. We both like eachother. Have done so for 3+ years.

From my last relationship, which ended badly, I'm so scared of a repeat. Lies, and a huge mess. I'm scared of committing to a new relationship.

I have depression and anxiety and I know that plays a huge part in this. I like my alone time and I'm independent. I don't like to be around people too often and I feel that's why a relationship would fail for me.

Now that school has finished and we're in the middle of the next chapter in our lives, these thoughts have returned with vengeance.

I feel like I'm a comittment phobe 😐

Advice please? Thank you ❤️

[BballJ]

Hi daisyqueen,

Once we have been hurt by any previous relationship we put this big guard up and it stops us from getting into the next relationship. It's a self defence mechanism to stop from getting hurt again which is fine, I guess the first thing would be to just take things really slow and see how the relationship develops, no need to rush in to it and trigger your anxiety and depression. Mostly it will come down to if you prefer the relationship more than being on your own as in independent - there is nothing wrong with independence either and a good relationship would still allow for that also.

Have you ever spoken to your GP or a psychologist about your anxiety and depression and how it relates to your relationships in life?

My best for you,

Jay

[geoff]

hello Daisyqueen, this can always be something that we fear, because past experience especially when it's not good has a compounding effect on us, but circumstances could be different, however we neglect to see any positives that may come out of it.
Your depression and anxiety are very dominant factors here which have made you want to be by yourself, plus it has also given you doubt about forming another r/ship, the trouble I think is you want both of these but are too frightened to choose, and this won't happen until you can get help for depression and clear your mind, and remember that the past isn't the same as present. Geoff. x

[daisyqueen]

Thank you for your replies and I'm sorry I'm so late in mine.

My circumstances here haven't really changed much either, aside from the fact I no longer talk to the people I went to high school with.

I can only hope that I can get my depression and anxiety under control so I can enjoy life again with friends and family.

I'm yet to book an appointment with a psychologist...I just don't have the bravery to do so just yet.

[BballJ]

Hi daisyqueen,

It is never easy taking that step to speak to a psychologist but do know that you have everything to gain by doing it and remember, you showed a lot of bravery posting here so use that to book that appointment, you deserve to be happy.

My best,

Jay