Coming to terms with anxiety and OCD

Cerise547 · ‎29-10-2017

Hello everyone! I am 13 years old and this is my first ever post on a forum. I have anxiety and OCD, and although it is undiagnosed, I have done some research and as soon as I came across the symptoms of OCD, I immediately connected. I am a bit nervous posting to a forum, but I'm really hoping to be able to talk to others in my situation and maybe get some support. As I look back, I can see that I have had anxiety and OCD since early childhood. I would often get told that I mothered my older brother too much, and I was constantly panicking over the possibility of a natural disaster occurring. It has really only been this year that I have really known that I had a mental illness, as it has been getting a lot worse. I had never really thought that I had OCD because the stereotypical stance on the condition is that people affected by it must always have things neat and tidy, which isn't me. Recently through some research, I discovered that there are several different types of OCD. I was extremely scared when I found out. I felt insane and alone. Most mental illnesses that I knew of people having were anxiety or depression, or even PTSD. But OCD I'd never really thought of along with those conditions. My mum is aware of my anxiety and has scheduled an appointment with a GP, but that isn't for another month, which scares me what will happen between now and then. I have also tried some online self-help programs, which have helped slightly, but I know that I need professional help. I'm wondering whether anyone else might have OCD or be in a similar situation, or maybe if anyone has any advice for me. I'm sorry that this post is a bit of a mess, but as I said this is my first ever forum post. I hope that maybe I can help others, or others can help me here, and that this can be a safe space for people to discuss their thoughts and feelings 🙂

- Cerise547

anon234 · ‎06-11-2017

Hello, and I'm so proud of you for opening up to your mum! I am 16 and also have OCD, and beginning to open up was really the first step towards making any improvement. Good job as well with the doctor appointment, and hopefully that will be helpful.

I couldn't help but notice a few things that I relate to. First, I'm very sorry to hear about the situation with your dad. I am in a somewhat similar boat, and it can often be extremely stressful (I haven't seen him in many years with limited contact and often times even close friends can be oddly insensitive about it or just struggle to empathise). Note: every time something happens in regards to him, my anxiety flares up. It has become quite important for me to get those things off my chest, either to a therapist (such as a school counsellor or psychologist) or my mum. I use to worry about upsetting her by talking about him and feel bad about my curiosity, but I found she was absolutely fine talking about him to me. Once we cleared the air a bit, I think we grew a lot closer 🙂

Also, badminton is great, isn't it? May be my favourite sport ever, especially to play.

With the concern about picking up other compulsions, I also relate. The things that I do personally can also be a bit sporadic, irrational, and random, and leave me wondering if maybe I've picked them up, or am exaggerating them, which drives further doubt and worry about what will become of them. I find it helpful to remember that I am not the OCD or anxiety, even when it seems to be controlling me. Still, I try not to feed it by googling and researching and indulging myself (even though basically every time I do anyway; that's the nature of it all I think).

I just find comfort knowing that anxiety may be uncomfortable, but the feelings, especially physical, will pass.

I hope things will be looking up soon. CBT can be very helpful, though don't be discouraged if it doesn't seem to work. You may be with the wrong therapist or sometimes medication may be needed to help along the way. I found both were true for me after nearly a year of CBT, but am exploring other options with new doctors and medication, which I am finding helpful.

Best of luck, and well done for taking these steps, which can sometimes be the hardest. Lots of love xx

Cerise547 · ‎19-11-2017

Hi anon234!

Wow, we really do relate to each other quite a bit, don't we? That's so great that I have found someone in a similar boat to me (in more than one way!)

I'm really loving playing badminton! I think I'll benefit from getting some more regular exercise with something that I love.

I am quite nervous for this GP appointment, as I am unsure what will happen after then or whether it will go well at all! I think that I just need to wait and see how it goes.
I have been trying to develop some strategies to deal with some of the especially annoying habits, but I would really benefit from some professional help. I'll also make sure to not research OCD too much in the future 🙂

I also feel the same about exaggerating things. I worry that I have almost brought the anxiety upon myself, as though I have been TRYING to make myself anxious in the past. It's really been bringing me down recently, but I think that I just need to wait for this GP appointment and see where it takes me.

I am quite nervous for next March, as I have to go to a wedding that my father is going to be at, and my mum can't come. I'm scared that I'm going to be forced close to him and have to pretend to be really happy in his company. Would you have any strategies that I could use on that day? Thanks 🙂

I wish you luck for the future, and I really hope that everything goes well with your medication and CBT. Thank you for replying and being so lovely!

Lots of love,
Cerise547 xx

anon234 · ‎28-11-2017

Hey Cerise,

First, quick shout out to badminton again (go badders!) bc there could never be too much badminton-appreciation in this world.

Second, about the GP, I'm afraid to say they're generally quite uneventful. They will probably ask about your thoughts and behaviour, mood, and life in general. They'll likely also talk to a guardian (your mum) and ask about family history of physical and mental health and your own medical history, and might ask for tests if they think there might be something physical or hormonal (for example) going on. A tear might be shed, but other than that it tends to be your mind working you up wayyyy more than necessary. Remember to breathe deeply, be honest, and that it will be over before you know it.

They may also write a referral for a therapist or another doctor, which is generally another step towards good progress (and like I said, it can be a good thing even if the initial treatment is a flop...learning from missteps, right?). Good luck, I hope it goes well.

As for the wedding, I'm sorry you're being put in that position. I haven't had many (actually, any) good experiences with my dad so I may not be the best source of advice, but my other friends whose parents are divorced usually seem to just try to be in the moment, and just kind of let things happen as they may. It is a wedding, so there should be some things that will be enjoyable, like food, music, crusty old relatives that seem to have been everywhere and in every situation imaginable. You don't have to be comfortable, but some techniques of mindfulness can allow time to pass and for you to be more present, and less stuck to the anxiety of the situation. Perhaps you should ask your GP or if you see a therapist (even a school counsellor) for tips on this. Quick reminder that I am a high school student and have exactly 0 qualifications!! (Sorry).

Also, the above mentioned are great sources of information on the brain, biology, and anxiety (such as OCD). Learning about the disorder can actually be very helpful or even recommended, just not when it affects your mood or makes you feel bad about yourself. Personally, it helped to know about the chemicals and all that jazz, especially straight from a person who I could ask a question to without judgement and with reliable answers, while hurriedly googling 'somatic obsessions' in a doctor's waiting room was doomed from the start.

Hopefully this is helpful in any way xx