Can't make it past the next step

[Jay2be]

Hi Everybody,

I'm new here,

So not sure how to begin..........

Well, I will start off with why I am here.

I am autistic, but I am at a level where I seem like I don't have autism at all

but the anxiety and fears are still there.

I seemed ok when I was at high school but when that finished it went out of control,

I was in a bad place, very bad but

I have it under control mostly after years of practice and acceptance of who I am.

But when I was going through all of this I longed for friends,

even if it was just one, it was hard to put myself out there.

The time has come, I'm at a stage where I could try to make some friends,

although the anxiety is still there I want to try

but I need help to do so and I don't know how to go about it.

I have thought about going to those groups that help people like me socialize,

but I feel like I would end up being a carer.

I know that there are people out there that are worst off than me

and I hope that they can make it through there troubles.

I NEED SOME HELP TO MAKE FRIENDS

OK, thanks for listening

[PatT]

Hi Jay2be,

Welcome to the forums and i'm sorry to hear you're going through a rough period. Loneliness can be as debilitating as any mental illness and I can't imagine how difficult it must be for you, combined with the difficulties imposed by your autism. It's wonderful to hear that you've gotten to a point where your autism is somewhat manageable and it must have been a hell of a struggle to make it this far so congrats and be proud of yourself.

The next part sounds daunting, I completely understand and agree. To be honest though I think those groups you spoke about would be a great first step in stepping out of your comfort zone and potentially developing some relationships in the process. It's very rare to simply stumble into a friendship. They're acquired through some sort of forced interaction whether it be school, uni, work etc.

To me it sounds like the issue is really engaging that scenario and taking those first steps. Try and go into it with an open mind. Who knows what it will be like but you have nothing to lose. You'll definitely experience some social anxiety but then you've gotta question whether you want to make friends or continue a cycle of loneliness. Be brave and face up to the task.

Keep us posted too, but I think that would be a great first step.

Pat.

[romantic_thi3f]

Hey Jay2be

Welcome and thanks for posting on the forums.

You said that you thought about going to these groups to help socialise but didn't want to be a carer. Is the group run by someone - like a carer or support worker?

If you find yourself being a carer - or in a carer role - you could always have a chat to the facilitator about it. I'm sure that they would understand that you're just looking and trying to find a friend to chat too.

Maybe it might help to remind yourself that being a carer isn't always a bad thing. Maybe you could help them with something they need, but then maybe they could help you with something you need. Or maybe they might need a little bit of help, but they could share the same hobbies and interests and likes and dislikes as you.