My first post.

159357 · ‎28-11-2016

Sorry in advance if this is formatted incorrectly as it'll be a messy spray of my emotions.

I finally decided to make an account on this forum after checking posts on it every few months for the past year or two. I have some minor depression and i haven't really considered how bad my anxiety is. I'm a 14yo male with hyperhidrosis and i just can't seem to find a way to be happy (why i'm here). I had been depressed for a short year before meeting my now ex. I devoted all my time into making her happy, some games and doing school work. I didn't care what happened as long as she was happy. I was fairly depressed during this relationship with leads me to think it was infatuation rather than love. About 3 months ago she started acting strange and was always busy doing things. I would give her space and not talk to her because she was busy and whenever she wanted to talk she would take a long time to reply (this had always happened, just longer than usual now). Skipping many things about what has happened and minor details she pushed me away shortly after. Ever since then I haven't really been happy, even after exercising often to try to get dopamine flowing but nothing seems to work. I sit down all day doing nothing and occasionally doing some things. Sometimes i get 10 hours of sleep, sometimes i get 2, just depends on the night. My uncle also has what seems to be a very bad case of schizophrenia which has left him under care for about 30-40 years. My parents are also narcissists that want to control me and prove their superiority for some reason.

So, i look for a way to become happy again, no hobbies hold my attention for long and i've lost all interest in video games.

I hope to maybe help some people on this forum.

geoff · ‎29-11-2016

hi Ewrc, thanks for having the nerve to finally post a comment, because it's not an easy choice to make, some days you think yes I'd do it but at the last moment you decide against it.
You seem to be a very intelligent young man and I'm sorry that you are in a situation like this.
Firstly your doctor may have suggestions on how to rectify your excessive sweating, because you are very conscious of this and it maybe a huge problem for you.
Infatuation does mean love or being crazy about with your g/friend, but the parts which you haven't mentioned are those that you say 'skipping and minor details' why she pushed you away, so when you feel comfortable these may help us better understand your situation, however as she has pushed you away, it's love you are craving for and that's what you wanted from her, and that's why you aren't happy, and even exercising can't replace the love you have lost.
I'm not sure whether your parents had a great deal to do with this, and only wanted you to achieve good marks at school and not to be attached to g/friend who may distract you from your studies.
I don't know whether there's any way to overcome the loss of someone you love when they decide to move on, because it only seems to emotionally rip your heart apart as it has done to me many times, but I hope that you will get back to us. Geoff.

159357 · ‎29-11-2016

Hi, thanks for the reply.

I don't feel like going to a doctor or physcho as i don't want to waste any time.

Sorry if it appears i'm not putting much effort into this post, it's just that if i think too much about these things i start to lose control. So i'll say what i remember without thinking.

So really the relationship wasn't too great, but i tried my best to make it work and it did. She started getting really busy and prioritising games and drawing over me, so i decided to leave her alone when she's busy. She would get angry and tell me to talk to her but i would get to jealous of that those things got so much more attention than me, when all i tried to do was to make her happy. After this happening she started to push me away. It took her a few months to get an answer to me as i thought it was just that she wanted to draw as she would study japanese and draw all the time. But she must've changed her mine when she decided to tell me. It was about our sexual relationships. She said she feels like she has a constant layer of dirt over her skin, and as i've always done, i helped her with her depression. (Which is what i'd constantly have been doing during the relationship, but once there was nothing left to get help with it seemed she couldn't be bothered). Later on i had found out that she had finally succumbed into being the edgelord that she'd always wanted to be and often consumed cannabis, which i would not let her do in the past.

I'd like an opinion on this as i know i'm mainly responsible for this and I'd like to know how bad the mistakes i made were.