I can't tell if I'm depressed or just stupid

[Mose]

Is there something wrong with me? I don't know why but i feel very sad. I don't really have any issues with my life, except an identity crisis so nothing really. I believe its a personal problem. I feel as though at times I drown in my mind. I'm scared of my own thoughts so much so that I used to be afraid to be left alone to think. I always have fun while I'm with my friends but its as though I'm never truly happy its just a facade put on so no one will ask whats wrong cause its not like them saying anything will help. I feel like I don't want to hang around my friends much anymore because they are overly happy. I like being my myself now my mind is still scary but it fits. It's begs a question to be answered am I doing this for attention or is something wrong. I start crying for no reason and generally feel closed off like I have a strong fence or wall around my hart no one can break through. I feel as though I'm not really worth it and I don't actually fit in where I thought I did. Is something wrong with me everyone around me starts new relationships were I'm stuck in a void. I keep coming back to I'm not good enough. I'm fat. I'm not pretty. I'm ugly. and so on but no matter how many times I go out I plaster a smile on my face which I cant tell if its real or fake. I feel as though there are moments I am happy but they seem to fade if I'm not constantly surrounded by the person making me 'happy' or is that just a distraction. I'm so confused.

[blondguy]

Hello Mose

Welcome to the forums and good on you posting too!

There is nothing stupid about you at all. I do see an intelligent and pro-active person that has great strength to post on the forums though 🙂

It would be a bad place to be in when you feel the way you do, especially crying frequently. I have had clinical depression for a long time and slowly recovering. Im not a GP but I dont really see depression in your post

I think your self esteem may have been taking a few hits resulting in how bad you have been feeling.

There are many people here on the forums that wear that plaster smile when we go out too Mose...you are not on your own there.

Can I ask you if you have a couple of friends? (support network) that you can lean on through these times when you feel so sad? Sometimes having a vent (like you have here) can be a huge release of the 'sads'

Low self esteem can be fixed, no problem there. Do you have a GP that you get along well with? They can be a huge help, especially with feeling the way you do Mose

There are many people here that have low self esteem and feel the same way as you do. We can be here for you even if you just want a chat, you are more than welcome to post when you are up to it of course

Low self esteem can also make us 'overthink' too as we are tired mentally when we dont think much of ourselves

you are not alone here Mose, I really hope you can stick around 🙂

my kind thoughts for you

Paul

[geoff]

hi Moses, Paul has mentioned some very good points and from what you have said is a typical example of how a depressed person feels, in other words they struggle, and I'm sorry to say that this what is happening with you.
Most times we don't know why we are sad, and perhaps it's something that you feel as being personal and yes because depression doesn't go around in groups it happens to an individual, even though your spouse or sibling may have this illness it could be for completely different reasons although it may be from a rebound over to you or vice-versa, so then your depression takes you down another path which could have started from one person but then goes it's own way.
Don't worry you can still have a laugh when you're with other people but as soon as you leave them then the black cloud once again grabs you.
It is impossible to overcome this feeling when you're depressed so that's why you must go and see your doctor, and before you do can you do the K-10 test, which you can google, this will give you a score indicating what level of depression you have so that would be helpful for your doctor.
Hope to hear back from you. Geoff.

[159357]

I seem to be in the situation, I'm scared of being left alone to think, because when that happens, my mind drifts into places it shouldn't. I hope you overcome this problem in the near future, but in the mean time i recommend finding a really good friend, someone you can share your feelings with and can be happy around. It might be the hardest thing to find, but don't stop searching. You'll find answers on the way and once you're there.