Can't figure out how to live a content life with depression and anxiety

[Jezza53]

G'day guys,

Firstly just some context for what may follow - I'm 25, work full time as a panel beater, been in a relationship for 4 years, currently renting, have a reasonably stable life.

But. I'm not happy. I realise that happiness is more of a noun for fleeting good feelings, it doesn't last but I'm not even content. Although I've only been diagnosed recently, I'm certain I've been suffering with mild to severe depression and anxiety (plus and intermittent panic disorder) for most of my life. I've talked to a isychooogist and taken medication. Mess made me feel horrible and my psychooogust was probably more adept to helping people with a simpler mindset. Thinking about times I was happy and trying to draw on that emotion for current use is not doable

my missus is about to leave me because even though she has spent years trying to make me happy, she can't ( Shit I can't make me happy) and she can't do it anymore, she's mentally and physically exhausted by it. She wants to have kids and a family, and she's been more than patient waiting years for me to get my Shit together on deciding whether I'm capable or not. I want to have kids and a family but I feel as though I'm not capable of maintaining consistent moods and energy levels required to deal with the immense stresses that come with the good things in a family life. She has every right to be selfish and find happiness for herself. She has every right to leave and I won't stop her but, that doesn't fix my well being.

How is someone with depression and anxiety supposed to find happiness and meaning in existence?

The things that make me happy are either immoral or hurt the people around me. I love my missus but that doesn't stop me from wanting to get to know and sleep with other women. I'm a hard worker but I hate that I have to work to exist, not because I wanted to be born, but because my parents wanted a baby. Every time my body and mind screams to do what feels good, to stop work and go home or to have Sex with someone who isn't my missus I have to suppress it and it doesn't make for a happy individual.Look I've got A lot more semi-incoherent rambling but basically I'm sad and lost, can't talk to people I love about the way I feel because it upsets them to. I would love to chat to someone who has felt the way I do about things, because right now I see no other way to live life than as a hard emotionless man holding back constant sadness, unable to do what brings me happiness.

[Croix]

Dear Jezza~

Welcome here to the Forum. I can see you have been having a bad time and it has been going on for a large part of your life.

I'm glad you have been diagnosed, something that I found makes things easier as you know it is not just you, but an illness that has been forming your life.

Depression and anxiety are not always something that can be fixed quickly with a few visits or pills. Trying to get the right balance in treatment takes input from you medical team and from you as no two people are the same.

As a result after a reasonable wait for medication to stabilize I'd be talking to my doctor about the side effects if they keep on going. Similarly with your psychologist I'd be asking what the plan was, and what I should be doing. After all the psych's job it to provide you with the tools, you build.

Feeling that you are not up to kids is not that uncommon, but by the sound of it is something that your partner feels is most important. It may be that after your treatment settles down and becomes more effective you may have more confidence in yourself as a potential parent.

Not wanting to keep on with work and being attracted by others is I guess something that crosses the mind of most people at one time or another. Sensible people such as yourself put on the brakes and don't go further. A stable orderly life can quickly unravel into a complete mess without job or partner or home.

Maybe it is all a part of that one thing, not really being happy with life, feeling you are here unasked, the grass being greener and so on. I'd suggest working on therapy, lifestyle and taking care of your partner as best you can for now and seeing how your treatment develops. It is amazing the amout of influence depression has, and it does so without being noticed.

Lifestyle plays a big part in combating depression and anxiety. I don't have enough space to go into it all here but basically one tries to reduce stress and anxiety by healthy eating, regular exercise, sleeping well and avoiding those things in life that act as triggers.

Individual attacks of anxiety and panic attacks can be reduced or often avoided by exercise, breathing and mindfulness.

Using distraction by doing things you enjoy such as reading, metalwork or whatever suits you are most important to get a balance and perspective.

Have a look at how others have coped in this Forum, also in The Facts menu above.

I'd like it if you came back and said what you thought of this

Croix